Love me
by Angeleye87
Summary: Mordred just want Merlin to love him. However, can Merlin love him when she knows what he is destined to do, and she sees just what he is capable of becoming? Will Mordred still turn to Morgana? Fem!Merlin/Mordred (Chapters 1-2 have been looked over for mistakes)
1. Chapter 1

_Hey everybody. Ehm, yeah I'll probably destroy your love for fandom. I have read fanfiction for years but never actually written anything, but figured I would give it a try, and my earlier statement meant that I most likely have absolutely no talent for it._

_I am sorry for any and all misspellings and grammar error, English is not my first langue. _

_If there is the odd one of you out there who wants me to make this more than one Chapter I´ll warn you that updates might take time since I have a 1 year old girl and am taking a demanding education. Well here goes nothing._

**Love me.**

Chapter 1:

They were on their way home from Ismere when they made camp for the night. Merlin took care of Arthur's bedroll first like she was supposed to, all the while keeping an eye on Mordred just to make sure that he didn't try anything while she wasn't looking.

She tried to figure out why he saved Arthur's life back there, it just didn't make any sense. According to Kilgharrah, he would join Morgana, so why had he stabbed her? Was it a plot to get closer to Arthur? Was it a plan he had made with Morgana?

Merlin narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him when he rolled his bedroll out on the ground a little off from the burning campfire. She gave a high yelp when there was suddenly a hand on her shoulder, she quickly twisted around which made her foot get stuck in a tree root emerging from the ground, which in turn made her clumsiness kick in.

She landed flat on her face into the forest floor. She heard high laughter all around her while she muttered one curse after another and her mother would have yelled at her for just half the words that came out of her mouth but really, she spent all her time with the knights, she was bound to pick up some of the things they said. She rolled onto her back and glared up at Gwaine who was laughing so hard that he was almost falling over himself.

"It´s nice to see that you never change Merlin, you are still as much a danger to yourself as always."

He somehow managed to get out in between big gulps of air. She looked around and saw that the rest of them were getting their laughter under control, she might not have fallen on her face on purpose but it lifted the tense mood they were all in, so that was fine with her.

She looked around her and saw that the rest of the knights were still getting their laughter under control, but her gaze landed on Mordred who stood a little off to the side with his bedroll, a look on his face she could not decipher. Her crystal blue eyes meet his blue/gray one and he frowned a bit.

"_Emrys are you alright?"_

She heard his voice say in her head, but she just glared at him and took Gwaine´s offered hand to get up. He pulled her to her feet and put an arm around her waist.

"Merlin, you scare way too easily. I just wanted to ask what you were thinking so hard about. I mean, I was talking to you, and you completely ignored me in favor of staring daggers at the Princess´s savior. Just be happy that we are going home in one piece."

She answered in a low voice to make sure that they were not overheard,

"Of course I'm happy that we are going home. But I just don't see why we have to take him with us. I don't trust him!"

Gwaine just laughed at her and gave her a one armed hug, after which he went over to the other knights still laughing a little to himself.

She looked after him with a little smile to on her face because of his antics, even though she didn't think it was a laughing matter at all, but her smile slipped off her face as soon she felt Mordred´s powers brush up against hers, like a caress upon her inner being, and she did not like how her skin started to tingle in anticipation, of what she was not sure, but she didn't what to have anything to do with it.

"_Emrys, why will you not talk to me? Are you alright? Emrys?"_

She glared at him for a few seconds while he just stood there with a sad look on his face.

"_Leave me alone Mordred." _

She all but snared at him. She could see that he got the message as she felt his magic retreat from hers, she almost felt sad to feel it gone, since it left her feeling lonely in a way she had not felt before no matter how alone she sometimes felt. His face got even sadder for just a second only to then grow hard and his eyes cold and distant. She felt his magic come back with a force she was not prepared for so it made her gasp for air,

"_Fine! If that is the way you want it to be, then that is the way it is going to be. I´ll leave you alone… for now. But when we reach Camelot, I will want answers and I will get them!" _

This time when he pulled his magic back, it felt almost violent. Like he ripped it back from where it intervened with hers and it made her want to clutch her chest in pain, but she managed not to. He turned his back to her and she glared at it and thought good luck with that, you will not get anything from me. She rolled her own bedroll out and settled down for the night, and after she had gotten under it she rubbed her chest trying to get the pain he had caused to go away.

The next morning she woke up to Arthur shouting

"Merlin! Wake up! You need to start packing up so we can get moving. Breakfast is going to have to wait till the next stop."

She let out a sigh and answered with a sugar sweet voice,

"Well, if king clotpole could pack his own things, it would go a lot faster."

She rolled out of the way as there was a stick flying at her, her roll made her face Mordred who stood with a horrified expression on his face.

She got up on her hands and knees, keeping Mordred in the corner of her eye; she got up and just looked at Arthur with her hands on her hips, "I know you did not sleep on a rock since I was the one to lay your bedroll out. Did you then sleep on your sword, Sire? Or are you just missing your big nice bed with your lovely Queen in it?" she asked with a smirk on her face since she knew for a fact that Arthur missed Gwen a lot on the nights they were away from home. And since they were on their way home it was almost safe to tease him with it, but if they were on the way out she kept her mouth shut about it. That she had learned by being pushed into a steam a year earlier.

Mordred stood off to the side with the most adorable confused look on his face as the rest of the knights chucked, since they were used to their banter by now, and just thought it was funny to watch.

`Whoa… bad Merlin. Did you just think anything about Mordred as being adorable? That's right, you did not, and if you did, it will never happen again! Never!`

In the background she heard Arthur grumble

"Shut up, Merlin."

Sure she could see that Mordred was handsome with his fair skin, light blue eyes that she could imagine looking tender and loving if he were not so cold on the inside, his dark hair that, if she were honest, she could almost feel a prickling in her fingers to run her hands through and pull on, and his lips that looked like they were made for kissing.

But all that she pushed from her mind, considering she was not going to think like that about her best friend's future murderer. He was not to be trusted and she would not be fooled by his pretty exterior, no she would keep her eye on him and if he tried anything she would have to take care of him. She packed up hers and Arthur's things and they were on their way.

They had been back in Camelot for a week and so far Merlin had managed to dodge Mordred every time he tried to corner her. It was hard since she kept an eye on him almost all the time, but somehow she had managed so far but she knew that it was just a matter of time. He had tried to talk to her in her mind but she always ignored him, and as time went on she could feel that he got madder, but also sadder.

He had been very persistent today and he almost had her on his own a couple of times, but she had gotten out of there as fast as she possibly could and each time he had said in her mind that he would catch her later. Now it was late at night and she was on her way back to Gaius´s chambers and had to cross the courtyard.

As she passed an opened dark door, an arm shot out and grabbed her arm, pulled her into the dark and pushed her up against the wall so hard that her head banged against it and she could not focus for a minute. When she could see straight enough to use her magic, she felt a hand wrapped around her throat and was just able to make out Mordred´s form in the vague light from the torches out in the courtyard and she could see that he was extremely angry.

"Don't try anything, Merlin, it would just make the guards come running and neither of us want that, now do we? No, I didn't think so. Now, you are going to be a good girl and tell me what I want to know. Why don´t you trust me? I have not done anything to any of you… Well, besides from now, but you've had it coming."

She had both her hands around his forearm and tried to pry it away from her but he was simply too strong and she did not dare to use her magic, so she would just stand there trying to suck air into her lungs but was held too tight and she started to get lightheaded. He loosened his grip a little so she could get some air in.

"You may seem like you are doing nothing wrong but I don't believe it for a second, you may have the rest of them fooled but you will not fool me."

She said while she glared at him but it did not have the desired effect on him, since he just smirked at her and pressed his body up against hers. She sucked in a breath of air at his close proximity and could almost taste him in it. A kind of earthy taste and he smelled of the forest on a summer's night after the rain.

"Who said that I am trying to fool anyone? Could it not be that I generally am just what you see? I am not doing anything I'm not supposed to do."

His every breath ghosted over the skin on her neck and made it tingle just like his magic was doing to hers, her chest brushed against his with each inhale. He pulled back a little and looked at her with an expression she could not decipher in the vague light. She was a little scared of what he would do because she could feel, in the way his magic pulsed, that he was at a breaking point, she just wasn't quite sure what would happen when he fell over the edge of it.

His other hand came up to her face and she squeezed her eyes tight and turned her head to the side, only to feel his knuckles run down her cheek to her jaw.

"You are so beautiful."

He whispered just before his lips grazed her throat, just below the thumb on the hand still around her neck. Her eyes went wide at the sensations that sent tingles shooting from where his lips met her neck to the rest of her body. Her hands let go of his arm to smack against his shoulders to push him away, at the same time she hissed at him,

"What are you doing? Stop it. Mordred, stop it!"

But it did not seem like he heard her and if he did, he ignored her to continue to nibble on her neck. Her breathing hitched as his teeth bit down on her pulse point and her knees started to feel a little weak. She kept screaming in her head that it was wrong and that she should just use her magic to push him away, but she was not sure she could control how far she would throw him, and as she could see the guards in the torch light on the other side of the courtyard, she couldn't risk it.

There was also the little voice in the back of her mind that kept telling her that maybe the dragon was wrong, it seemed like he really liked Arthur so how was it that he was supposed to kill him? She may have Seen it herself, but maybe, just maybe she could change it, by changing him.

He pressed his body up against hers and she almost let out a moan at feeling his powerful body. She must not have been as good at suppressing it as she had hoped since he let out a low groan and pressed harder against her. His hand on her cheek moved down over her shoulder and under her arm to graze the side of her breast, against her will, she arched into the touch. His lips ran over her jawline to her lips and he whispered against them,

"Emrys, trust me."

And then he was kissing her hard.

Her mind blacked out at the feel of his lips so demanding on hers, they moved with a purpose to get hers to respond to him but she was too shocked to do anything other than grip his shoulders. Her lips seemed to have a mind of their own as they started to move with his, she felt his tongue trace her lips. She gasped as it sent shockwaves through her body; she lost what little control she had left. She ran one of her hands up the back of his neck and into his hair, closed her hand in it, and pulled his head back so she could look into his eyes. His pupils were blown wide as he looked at her, his gaze shifted down her body and settled on her chest that was rising and falling rapidly.

His eyes rose to look at her lips, he crashed his down on hers again. His hand on her throat glided down over her shoulder till it rested on her hip, his other hand went to the back of her thigh and lifted it to his hip so he could grind his groin against her heat. She threw her head back and it made impact with the wall behind her, but she barely felt the sting of pain because his arousal was creating shockwave after shockwave to course through her with the way he rubbed it against her, and the way he basically attacked her throat with his lips and teeth.

One of her hands let go of his hair to run down his back till she reached the hem of his shirt, her fingers snuck under it to his lower back, from there she managed to get it in between them, to his stomach and up to his chest. Her nails scraped over his nipple which in turn made him groan and hiss,

"Emrys, please…"

The only things that were running through her mind were: YES, YES, YES! And Mordred, Mordred, Mordred!

He pulled away a bit and started to lift up her skirts and it brought a bit of her senses back, so she moved her hands back to his shoulders and tried to push him away again, while she put her foot on the ground again.

"Mordred, no this is wrong. Let me go!"

He however did not let her go but grabbed her wrists and pinned her hands over her head, and put his mouth to her ear.

"You want this Emrys, I can feel how much you what it. Your magic is screaming for me to touch you, to love you. But I already love you. I always have. Just let go."

"No, you are wrong. Why would I want you, Mordred? And you don´t love me. You are not capable of love."

He laughed a hollow laugh that somehow sounded so sad that it went straight to her heart. He pulled her hands together and grasped them in one of his own still over her head and his free hand he brought to her cheek, and even though she fought it, she still turned into the caress he offered.

"If you don´t want me Emrys, then way do you so gladly seek my touch?"

He then kissed her and she could not help but respond to it. Where the other kisses had been hard and demanding, this one was so tender she could weep from the sheer sensation and the way his magic roared in happiness that she kissed back. Oh how she would love to be able to love him, she could picture waking up to him and falling asleep in his arms every night. But she could not let herself love him which was why she ended the kiss.

"Let my hands go Mordred."

He looked her in the eyes and she gave him a little smile, and he let her hands go. She put a hand on each of his cheeks, he copied her actions. She leaned forward and gave him a small and sweet kiss, pulled her head back, and screamed.

Mordred let her go with a confused expression.

"Who is that? Who is there? Hold!"

The guards started to run towards them, and Merlin turned and ran down the dark passage.

"_I´ll get you for that Emrys. You can count on that. Till next time..." _

She felt his magic brush her cheek as a light kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

_I enjoyed writing the last chapter, so I figured: hey why the hell not write another, even if no one reads it, it´s fun and a lot harder than I thought it would be. _

_I have also forgotten to mention that in my story Merlin doesn´t really use spells. It´s instinct even if it does not always do what she wants it to. _

_And I own nothing and make no money of any kind of this._

_I am currently looking for a Beta but till I find one it will be unbeta´ed, so if anyone would be willing let me know. Sorry about that._

_I would love reviews even if it is just a short I like it or it sucks. _

Chapter 2

Merlin had managed to stay away from Mordred for two weeks, but Mordred had so far not done anything to try to get her on her own, and quite frankly, it was creepy. She had started to jump at shadows and kept an even closer eye on him, but so far he did not do anything suspicious, unless you counted training with the knights and patrolling as suspicious. She actually found it very suspicious considering she was sure it was all just a plot to get close to Arthur and be able to kill him when the time came.

She was sitting just off to the side of the training field, polishing the king´s second-best sword as Arthur walked around yelling instructions at the knights. Mordred was all the way over at the other side training with Sir Leon and he was doing really well even if he was losing. As she sat watching, she could not help but admire him, the way he moved, the way she could see the muscles in his back move.

She could not help thinking about that night two weeks back. The way he had felt pressed against her, the feel of him under her fingers. The way he had kissed her, like she was the only thing in the world that mattered. Yes, he might have been a bit forceful. She had, had to hide the marks his hands and mouth had left behind. She almost shuddered at the memory of him pressing in between her legs; at night when she laid awake in bed, waiting for sleep, she missed him. Missed his touch, and she did not understand it. She barely knew him and he was going to kill her best friend.

She still could not understand why she had reacted the way she had, but the only thing she could think of was that she had, for just a moment, been blinded by the way he had made it clear that he wanted her. And the fact that he knew who she was, he did not see the king's maid servant he just simply saw Merlin, even if he kept calling her Emrys. Not that she minded since that was also her name and the one he had grown up knowing her as.

"Merlin! Stop daydreaming and polish that sword."

Arthur yelled at her and brought her back out in the real world. She heard the knights laugh and felt her cheeks blush even as she answered him.

"If I keep up polishing it, it is going to break!"

"So if you are done with it there are still chores you should do."

Arthur answered back with a smile that made her think that, just maybe she should have kept her mouth shut for once.

"You still have to muck my stables, clean my chambers, polish my crown, mend my shirts, and walk my dogs. And have a hot bath ready for me when I get back from here."

'Yep,' she thought, 'I should have kept my mouth shut.' Great Merlin, more chores for you to do. Oh the joy. She felt Mordred's magic brush up against hers for the first time in two weeks, her own magic flared up in joy and happiness. It did not feel threatening, more like he was amused that she got called on it and quite a bit smug, she suddenly got the feeling that he knew precisely what she had been thinking, when Arthur called her on it.

She rose from the stool she sat on and went over to the sword rag, placed the sword in its place, and turned to the king who was still watching her with that irritating smile of his. She placed a sweet smile on her face and curtsied to him.

"I'll get right on that then shall I sire? We can´t have the king have dirty stables, even if it is part of the stable boys job to muck them. And messy chambers can´t be allowed either, even if you should be old enough to clean them yourself."

As she said that, she gathered her skirts in her hands and when she was done talking she turned and ran for the castle.

Arthur yelled after her

"MERLIN GET BACK HERE! I`LL PUT YOU IN THE STOCKS FOR THAT!"

She laughed and yelled back as she ran,

"You´ll have to catch me first sire."

That night when she went to go to bed she was so exhausted, because apparently Arthur was still not above payback, which meant that his floors had been scrubbed to, that she almost missed the flowers that lay on her bed with a little note.

She picked up the multicolored flowers, and knew they were from Mordred. She basically threw the flowers on the bedside table when she felt that they were practically soaked in magic. She glared at the flowers and looked to the note. She carefully touched the note with her fingertip but there was nothing that indicated there was magic on it, so she picked it up and turned it over.

She tried to fight the smile that she felt coming, but then she remembered that she was alone in her room so she let it grace her face. She sat down on her bed and just smiled at the note for a few seconds and then let her eyes wander to the flowers.

She frowned at them for a bit before she let her magic wash over them to feel what he had done to them, when she found out, the smile that blossomed on her face was even bigger than the last one. She put the note on the table next to them, and picked the flowers up and smelt them while she got up trying to find something to put them in.

As she found out she did not own a vase of any kind, why would she since she had never gotten flowers before as special as these, she found a glass to make her own. She sat down on her bed with her legs crossed, the flowers on the bed beside her, and the glass in her hands.

She frowned a bit at it and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, exhaled, and opened them again. She started to picture the glass turning into a vase, and as her magic expanded through her hands she saw the glass grow taller and wider. When it reached the size she wanted, she started to pull her magic back slowly. When she almost had it there was a knock on her door.

"Merlin, are you awake?"

Gaius asked through the door.

Her concentration broken at the knock, Merlin stared at the glass/vase in her hands as it started to vibrate and shake.

"Oh n-"

Was as far as she got before it crumbled in on itself and made a small explosion that pushed her against the wall behind her. Her head made a dull noise as it smacked against the wall.

The last thing she heard before darkness claimed her was her door banging open and Gaius yelling her name. In her mind she could also hear Mordred screaming,

"_Emrys!"_ sounding quite panicked.

The first thing she noticed was a dull pain in the back of her head. She gave a moan and opened her eyes to look around; she heard shuffling as who she assumed was Gaius came over to her.

"Merlin. It is good that you are awake. You have been unconscious for just under a day. Now, how are you feeling? Have you any pain?"

She answered all his questions, and when he was satisfied by the fact that she would not have any lasting damage, he left her room. He came back with a vase filled with flowers. She stared at him with a stunned look on her face.

I found the flowers on your bed with you and every night there has been laying a new bucket outside our door with a note attached.

"I have not read the notes so I don´t know who they are from. But I will advise you to be careful."

"What? Oh. No, no, no. They are just from a friend. At least I might think he is a friend."

"You think he is a friend?" he raised brow in that way of his that made her feel like the idiot Arthur always said she was.

"Well yes, I think he may be but I am not sure really."

"Hmm. Okay, but still you should be careful. Now get some rest. I will inform the King that you are awake but still need to rest tomorrow. Sleep tight."

And with that he left and closed the door after him.

She turned to the flowers and her notes from Mordred. She turned her head a little to the side and looked at them while she thought.

'I think he is a friend. But can I trust him? I want to trust him, but that does not mean I should.'

She picked up the notes and smiled as she read the first one, one more time. She picked up the second one and read it. She sighed, placed the notes on the table again, and lay back down. She looked at the flowers and then closed her eyes.

Just as she was falling asleep she thought she heard his voice in her mind telling her that he loved her. She dreamt of flowers that would last for as long as he loved her, and of notes asking her to love him.


	3. Chapter 3

_Wow. There is more out there who read both chapters than I thought there would be. And to those few who have put it on their favorites and follows... I think I may just love you… hehe._

_Still unbeta´ed._

Chapter 3

Merlin was balancing Arthur's breakfast tray on her hip while she tried to keep the basket with his clean closes on top of her head, as she had found out that it was easier to carry more that way. The thing with Uther´s ghost had hit him hard, as he had hoped death would have made his heart, well maybe not softer, but he had hoped that he could see that he was building a better kingdom for all. But he had been wrong.

As she rounded a corner she walked right into someone, who was walking the way she came from. She lost her balance and dropped the basket trying to save the tray. She managed to keep a hold on it with only one sausage falling to the ground, she scrolled at it and the clothes.Oh great. Was the only thing she thought before a hand reached down and started gathering the clothes in the basket.

She looked to see who she ran into even if she did not need it. She felt like she was swimming in a sea of love, magic and tenderness.

"Merlin."

"Mordred."

She looked into his eyes she almost signed his name till she got a hold of herself and glared at him, she then bend down and sat the tray to the side and beginning to pick up the fallen clothes from all around her.

"You should look where you are going! And I don´t need your help." She hissed at him while she pulled the clothes from his grasp, and practically threw them into the basket.

His eyes there a second before had been filled with tenderness and mirth, became hard and cold as he straightened up and looked down at her.

"You were the one who came barreling around the corner, not me, so maybe it´s you who need to watch where you are going."

She glared even harder at him and put the tray on top of the basket, rose up to her feet and stepped around him and went on her way.

"Leave me alone Mordred and stay out of my way."

She felt him in her head before she heard him _but you don´t want me out of your way. You want me in your way, admit it. You want me against you, covering you. You want me Emrys. _

She kept walking even as she answered him _"No I don´t want you. You are just trying to play with me and I am not game, so I repeat: Leave me alone Mordred!"_

She felt his magic becoming violent not even a second before it hit her, and send her crashing to the ground with food and clothes in her arms so she could not soften the impact. Her cheek scraped against the ground. She felt through his magic him going from pissed off to shocked.

"_NO! MERLIN!" _She heard him come running but at the same time the door to Arthur´s chambers were flung open and the king ran out.

When he saw her on the floor like he ran up to her and asked.

"Merlin what happened? Never mind you were probably just your unusually clumsy self. Now get up from the floor and get me some new breakfast, which has not been on the ground. Sir Mordred what are you doing here? I send you to find Sir Leon for me.

"I apologize my lord. Merlin here ran into me before and fell, she actually was just moving along with her chores when she tripped. I´ll go find Sir Leon for you now." He bowed and turned to walk away without sparing Merlin a single glance.

She had gotten herself up from the floor at that point, and was standing rubbing her cheek that throbbed in pain.

"Merlin are you okay? First you fall down a flight of stairs and then you trip and bang your head just two days later. You really are an accident waiting to happen aren´t you? Well I´ll take the clothes into my room you just take the food back down. "

"Stairs? Oh yea, clumsy me. Haha. I´ll just go and get you some new breakfast shall I."

She gathered the food on the tray and turned and started to walk back the way she came from, as Arthur yelled after her.

"Merlin don´t trip again because you have chores to do and I can´t have you doing a worse job than normal."

She knew that was just his way of letting her know that he did not like seeing her hurt, so she thought nothing of it and got the new food from the cook, who was not happy about it as she pointed out to Arthur when she came back up with it.

"We are going on a patrol for the next week so you need to start packing. We leave at midday."

Arthur told her while he was eating his belated breakfast, Merlin was just happy there were no meetings this morning, because otherwise he would not have been happy to have to wait for his breakfast.

Merlin stood in the courtyard with his and Arthurs horses and waited for the king while he said his goodbyes to the queen. Gaius had put her through another series of questions before he had let her go, since she apparently had not been able to fall, which in turn must have meant that he had missed something the first time.

She had not told him that it was Mordred who had made her fall, and she was not sure why, other than the fact that she was certain that it was not his intend to hurt her. Okay maybe it was for about a second, but his reaction told her that it was not though on his part.

"_I am sorry Emrys. I… I did not mean to do that. Please just talk to me. I don´t understand what it is you have against me."_

He surprised her out of her so she just answered without even thinking about it.

"It´s not what you do, it´s what you are going to do and I don't understand it! Eh… I mean... Eh I don´t have anything against you, I just don´t trust you."

Merlin you idiot! You just had to open your big mouth didn't you? She made a face at herself and her thoughts while she turned towards him. He had a very confused look in his eyes and a frown on his face. Merlin had to keep a strong hold on herself as she just wanted to go over there and kiss him silly.

Before Mordred had time to start with what, she was sure would be an impressive amount of questions, an arm sneaked it´s way around her waist and pulled her into the side of a strong male body. She did not have to look to know that it was Gwaine, because not matter how much he bathed and scrubbed, the smell of ale hung onto him, of Corse it did not help matters that he drank it every day.

"Hey Merlin, my love, when are you going to settle down with me?" He asked while he kissed her on the cheek.

She turned and smiled at him with a little grin. She felt more anger from Mordreds magic this time than when he pushed her this morning, it felt as different as a dyeing candle and an all-consuming forest fire. It was burning hot against her magic, and she feared he would do something to get them both executed. Just as fast as it had flared up it just suddenly disappeared, like it was never there in the first place.

"If you will excuse me."

He suddenly said but Merlin managed to see the hurt, pain and anger in his eyes before he turned away, and went over to Percival who had come out of the stables with his horse and stood by Mordreds own horse.

She kept looking at him with her head tilted a little to the side, and had almost forgotten about Gwaine who still had an arm around her waist.

"He likes you. Mordred I mean. He likes you." He gave her a fright again, but she tried not to show it. She turned to him and knew she that failed as he had a smirk on his face. She blushed a bit and looked away.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

Gwaine just laughed at her. Two years ago it might have been a forced laugh, since back then he really did have a thing for her, but it had passed with time as he accepted he just wasn't her type.

Or as she had told him: he would never be happy with her. She was messy, she was always around guys so she had no clue how a girl should be. She would never let him sleep around, she would cut it off if that were to happen.

In the end he gave up on the idea of a romantic relationship with her, and had instead decided that no guy was allowed near her. The only guy who was allowed to hug her was Arthur, because there was really nothing he could say about it. That did not mean he had to like it, but he accepted it.

"Well I think you do, but no matter. I know you Merlin. You like him too, but for some reason you don´t seem to want to like him. Like you don't trust him. Look, I know that I have a… tendency… to keep guys from you, but that is just as much because you have never shown an interest in them. But I have seen the way you look at the young Mordred, and I have seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one I watching. Give him a change."

She just stared at him with big eyes and her mouth a little open.

"What? I notice things!"

She started laughing but stopped when she felt an unintentional flare of hurt from Mordred.

"Even if he likes me, and if, and I'm not saying I do, but even if I did like him there could never be anything there. You are right, I don't trust him. I am not going to tell you why, so don´t bother asking. I just can´t risk it… no I can´t risk falling for him only for it to turn out that I was right about him. Don't ask okay?"

Gwaine just smiled an amused and confused smile, and gave her a one armed hug.

"Fine I will not ask. But I want you to think about something. You are hurting him, he knows you like him, just like you know that he likes you. But you are kind of mean to him. I mean, you don't trust him for something that you fear that he is going to do. But what if your love were the thing that could stop what it is that you fear? Think about that."

He left her standing there frowning after him while he went over to his horse and got up on it, he turned to the king and queen who still stood on the stairs holding hands with their foreheads pressed together.

"Come on princess, we are ready to go." He yelled at Arthur, who in turn scrolled at him but never the less shared a last brief kiss with Gwen before going to Merlin and taking the reins to his horse and got up at the same time as her.

They rode out of the town in a slow tempo, but Merlin noticed none of it because she was buried in her thoughts.

Could Gwaine be right? Could her love save Mordred and in turn save Arthur from dyeing at his hands? Could she risk it? Could she risk her heart like that? Was it even possible? She had tried to change the future before and that had been the course of that future.

She spend the rest of the day talking very little, which made Arthur poke fun at her but she barely reacted. When Arthur mentioned it to the other knights, Gwaine had told him that it was nothing to worry about, as she just had a female problem she was working out.

As they made camp for the night Merlin still had not found any answers to her questions, so she decided to sneak out during the night to get answers from someone who knew more about destiny then she did.

When all the knights had gone to sleep other than Gwaine, who happened to have guard duty, was fast asleep in their bedrolls Merlin snuck out of hers and away from the camp in the light of the moon.

She had walked for maybe half an hour when she found a clearing just big enough she took a deep breath and leaned her head back to look at the stars and roared.

"O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd'hup'anankes!"

She sat down on the edge of the clearing and waited. She did not have to wait long before she could hear the big wing coming nearer.

She got up from where she was sitting and looked up to where she could see the silhouette of The Great Dragon, her eyes followed hi, on his descent till he landed in the clearing.

"Young witch. What troubles you? I have been able to feel your mind racing all day, so I was on my way here before you called on me."

His big yellow eyes looked at her with what she would have called concern, but she had not called him to talk about feelings. So she got right to the point.

"I have questions." She just told him.

Killgarrah signed and laid down as he could feel it were not a social call.

"Go on then."

"What is the difference between destiny and fate?"

She looked at him with a serious look in her eyes so he knew she was not kidding, but really needed to know.

The dragon tilted his head to the side and studied her for a minute.

"Why do you need to know?"

She glared at him.

"Just answer the question, would you?"

"Fine. Fate is unchangeable, it does not matter what happens. It´s impossible to the do anything about it. Dest…"

"Wait, wait, wait… You said once that Morgana was fated to become evil. So nothing I could have done would have changed it?"

"No, she was fated for evil. Now back to the question at hand. Destinies can change but it rarely happens."

She started to feel hope blossom in her chest. Maybe she could save them.

"And Arthur? Is he fated or destined to die at Mordreds hand?"

Killgarrah looked closely at her, then at the stars for a minute or so before he looked back at her.

"He was never fated to die at the druid boy's hand. It has always been destined to happen, but it looks like things may be changing. What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. Arthur did. He made Mordred a knight of Camelot."

"He did what? And you let him?"

Killgarrah roared at her.

She slapped her hands over her ears and glared at him.

"Would you lower the volume please! I did not let him do anything, and you yourself just said that things are changing."

She pointed out to him.

"It does not matter what I said. You must to kill the druid boy before he kills Arthur."

She marched up to him with a hand on her hip and pointed a finger at him with the other hand and started screaming at him.

"I am not going to kill Mordred just because you say so you big lizard! Things are changing and that is it!"

Killgarrah sat up and stared at her in realization.

"You like him."

"That does not matter. You are really starting to make me angry." She hissed at him.

"Okay, young dragon lady. I will keep my opinion to myself. You need to get back to the king anyway. Till next time Merlin."

He said as he rose into the sky and flew away. She looked after him for a minute.

She turned back the way the camp was only to stop dead in her tracks.

"I thought it was called a dragon lord. And that is was always lord not lady."

"Oh no…"


	4. Chapter 4

_Still unbeta´ed. Sorry._

Chapter 4

"And was that the dragon that Arthur is always bragging about having killed? It did not look very dead to me."

Merlin stood there and had no idea what she was supposed to say or even do.

"G-Gwaine? W-What are yo… Ehm… You doing here?"

"I mean, I knew you had magic but a Dragon lo-lady I mean lady. That means your father was a dragon lord since your mother is still alive doesn't it?"

"Wait… What do you mean you knew?"

She stared dumbfounded at him. Was he not mad? Scared of her?

"Of course I knew. How could I not? You are not very subtle you know. And as for what I am doing here… well I saw you sneaking out of the camp, so I woke up Percival to take over watch to I could follow you and make sure you did not get into trouble. But now you have to answer something while we make our way back to the camp."

Oh no. This was it. He was going to ask a million questions about thing like: was she evil? Did she want to harm Arthur? And so on.

They had started going back to the camp when he asked the one question she did not know the answer to.

"So what are you going to do about Mordred? I mean it sounded like you had good reason to not trust him, the dragon…"

"Killgarrah. His name is Killgarrah."

"Okay then. That Killgarrah said that the destinies are changing. So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. Don't look at me like that. I just don't know okay. He may have said that Mordred may not kill Arthur, but can I really risk it? It would not only be my heart on the line, but also Arthur´s life, the hole of Camelot. Dare I risk it all for the sake of being with him?"

They had stopped walking while she talked, and Gwaine stood leaned up against a tree, while she stood in front of him looking at her feet.

"But what if being with you could be the driving force for him to not turn down the wrong path?"

She stood and thought about it but was still not sure what to say to it.

"I have to think about it okay. Let's just go back to the camp and get some sleep. One more thing before we go back. We are okay, aren't we?"

She looked nervously at him from under her black hair that for once was not tied back, so it hung around her thin frame to the small of her back, some of it hung in front of her face as she looked at the ground while they walked.

"Why would we not be okay? Like I said, I knew you had magic. At first I was a little nervous, I'll admit but the more I thought about it the more I realized that it did not matter, because you are still Merlin. So yeah, of course we are fine."

Merlin was so happy by what he said, that she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. He laughed and wrapped his arms around her to. They just stood there for a moment.

Merlin suddenly sprang back with a guilty look on her face and looked around and frowned. She could have sworn she felt something. Anger, hate and resignation, but there was nothing so she brushed it off. Gwaine looked curiously at her but she just shook her head at him and started walking again.

They were back in the camp in no time at all it seemed like to Merlin, they nodded at Sir Leon who was on watch duty. He raised his eyebrows at them but said nothing as they went passed him to their bedrolls. Gwaine whispered goodnight and she did the same as she lay down.

She lay on her side with an arm under her head as a pillow, and in front of her lay Mordred. When she had rolled her bedroll out she had been so lost in her thoughts, that she had not noticed were he put his. She just laid there looking at the back of his head as he slept.

She reached carefully out and was just able to run her fingertips through the back of his hair. It was so soft to the touch, and all she could think about was the possibility of doing that on a regular base. To get to run her hands through it while they kissed, but the question remained. Did she dare risk it all?

She signed while she pulled her hand back under the blanket, she had over the bedroll since it was cold at night. She whispered into the dark forest night.

"I wish I knew what am I going to do about you. Sweet dreams Mordred."

She closed her eyes and fell asleep quite quickly.

When she woke a couple of hours later, she was a little disorientated since she was fairly sure that she was on a routine patrol with the knights, but then why was she not more cold considering that it was only spring?

She figured that it did not matter because she was nicely warm, so she buried deeper into the warmth behind her. She froze and her eyes sprang wide open, when she felt the warmth behind her pulling her closer and groaning into her neck.

There was a hand on her stomach _under_ her blouse, when she were on patrol she rarely wore dresses as they were constricting when running around saving Arthurs life. What really made her eyes go wide and her breath hitch in her throat was the fact that against her bum, she could feel a hard length.

She took a deep breath and instantly who was holding her so close, and made her feel safe for maybe the first time in years. Her nose was filled with the smell of the wet forest on a summer´s night and of something uniquely masculine.

She knew it was Mordred, so she pushed away a little and turned over to look at him. His eyelashes rested on his cheeks and there was a little smile playing on his lips.

She just lay there, and watched him for a few minutes before she had to get up, and make some breakfast for a bunch of hungry knights.

She singed and got up to start the cooking.

She was almost done when the knights started to get up and move over to sit by the fire after they had one by one been in the forest to relieve themselves.

She kept a close eye in Mordred but for a different reason, then the last time they were in the forest together. This time it was to see him interact with the other knights, it seemed he had bonded with the big and friendly Percival.

He smiled at laughed with him but it seemed like he was sad about something, but she could not put her finger on it. It could also just be that it was the first time he was out on a patrol, so maybe it was just because he wanted to prove himself to the king and the others and she just misread him.

He kept away from her and it seemed like he did everything in his power to not look at her at all. She felt a little like she did not exist in his eyes al of the sudden, and she did not like it one bit.

He also kept glaring at Gwaine which she did not understand, because from what she had seen in the last couple of weeks they had gotten on quite well. So what had changed for him?

Gwaine kept looking between her and Mordred with a frown, and kept looking at her in a way that made her know that he wanted her to talk to him.

They had been on the road for a couple of hours when Gwaine rode on the side of her, and asked her to fall back a little with him. As they did Mordred glared at Gwaine with hatred, and Merlin frowned yet again.

"Well are you going to talk to him?"

He asked her.

"No I don't think so. It seems like he has something on his mind, it might just be the fact that it is his first real patrol, but I can´t shake the feeling that something is wrong with him."

"All the more reason, for you to talk to him if I understood it right last night, he is a druid right?"

She nodded at him.

"Then you should be able to talk to him, since you are almost the same."

"We are not the same. There is no one like me."

With that she kicked her horse forward till she was up at Arthur´s side yet again. Nothing happened all day, they just rode and talked. And Mordred did not once look at her.

They made camp near a lake for the night that afternoon, Merlin started making the campfire while most of the knights went out to hunt. It was just her, Gwaine and Percival who were left behind. She got left because Arthur was sure, she would scare the animals away. He was probably right.

Percival came up to her while Gwaine were gathering more wood.

"Mordred really likes you Merlin. What happened yesterday? He has seemed so happy even if not a little sad you wouldn't talk to him, but the way he looked at you… But something has happened. He seems angry today."

"I know that he likes me, and I like him to. And I don't know had happened, I have noticed he is angry but I don't know why."

He got up and laid a hand on her shoulder just as the knights came back with a deer.

"Just make it right okay?"

He went over to sit with the others while she was left with a dead deer to skin and cook. Oh the joy. Skinning an animal was so messy, she absolutely hated it but it was what she was there for.

The dark fell as she walked to the lake to wash their plates, the moon cast a silvery glow throughout the forest. She stepped around the trees only to back fast up again, and hid behind the trees and looked around them, to the bare chested man standing at the lake shore washing of the last couple of days sweat.

In the moonlight she could see droplets of water rolling down his back and stopping at his trousers, as the fabric absorbed the water. He was beautiful to watch, out here in the nature like he belonged out here. In a sense he did she supposed.

She could feel her cheeks heat up just by watching him. She stood in her own little world so she missed him leaving the lake and disappear back towards the campsite.

She snapped herself out of it only to frown because he was gone. She signed and was just about to go to the lake when she was pushed up against the tree by a strong body. This I starting to become a bad habit she thought.

"Why were you watching me?"

Mordred hissed in her ear, as she for the second time that day, had him pressed up against her back.

"Who said I was watching you? I could have just come now?"

He laughed a throaty low laugh that she felt in her entire body by their close proximity.

"I felt you the moment you got nearer. That's the beauty of all that power swimming inside of you. If one know what to feel for, you can´t hide. I ask one more time. Why were you watching me Emrys?"

Oh I had forgotten about him being able to feel me.

"Okay so I was watching you. I… well I…"

"Want me. Is that it? I know you want me. I can feel your magic screaming for me. And more than that."

He pulled her hair from its binding, and pushed it to one side, his fingers brushed her neck as he did so. She reacted without thinking by sinking into his touch, wanting more, needing more.

His lips brushed her neck in a kiss, which made her skin tingle in pleasure.

"The way you react to me, I love it. The way you seek my touch is glorious. Do Gwaine know how you react to me? Does he know how much you want me? Does he know how much you want to feel me against you? In you?"

He whispered in her ear, while his hands were busy caressing her body in ways that were driving her insane. She barely heard that he said but it slowly sank in.

"Gwaine? What are you talking abou…? Oh yes..."

One of his hands had moved under her shirt and was moving along her ribcage to her breast, only to go across to her other side.

"I know you are with him. You were just playing me in that corridor. Letting me think I stood a chance with you, even though you already have a man at your side. I saw you in the woods last night, I decided to leave you alone, but then you come here. Didn't even have the decency to turn back or to let me know you were there, no you just stood and watched."

She pressed her bottom against him and moved it in a small circle, which made him groan into her neck and hold her tighter.

"I´m not with Gwaine, he just told me something that made me happy. So I hugged him. I didn't play you Mordred."

He pulled his hand from under her shirt where it had just started caressing the underside of her breast, she moaned in protest as he removed it from her.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to face him, and looked in her eyes like he was looking for something.

"You are not with him?"

"No I am not."

"You were not just playing me?"

"No Mordred. Why would I play you?"

She barely had time to answer before his mouth was on hers, kissing her like a man starved. She was pushed against the tree again but she barely noticed it, as she was too busy running her hands through his hair and trying to pull him closer.

All her thoughts about destinies and fate had left her head when she saw him by the lake, now all there was in her head had one more time been reduced to a chant of Mordred, Mordred, Mordred.

Her magic sang with joy at being so close to his again. She had no idea how or when it happened but suddenly his hand was on her chest under her shirt, she ached for more.

One of her hands had somehow sneaked between them and were rubbing up and down his build abdomen and chest, that were still bare, she almost purred in female satisfaction as he was the one to ache into her touch.

Her hand pushed down to the front of his pants and cupped him though the fabric of his trousers, he bit down on her lower lip and drew a little blood which made her hiss in momentarily pain. He licked the blood of and kissed and bit down her neck.

She had never thought of pain as pleasurable, but this was pure heaven and hell.

She ached to feel him, so she let go of him even as he voiced his displeasure.

She pushed him back a little and started to untie the strings holding his trousers up, when she got them open she wasted no time pushing a hand down to grab him. He hissed in pleasure and bucked into her hand.

He was smooth in her grip, he felt perfect not too long and not to thick. She could almost imagine to have him in her.

"_Emrys… touch me… harder… oh yes… that's it… rub me… feel me… love me."_

Hearing him in her head in an intimate moment like this, she could not even begin to explain how it felt.

His hands pushed her shirt up over her breasts and he bend down to kiss and nipple on them. When he sucked a nipple into his mouth she almost screamed at the pleasure/pain his teeth brought, as they scrapped over it.

He repeated the process on her other chest, as her hand started to work him faster. He sneaked a hand between her legs and her knees would have given out on her if not for the tree at her back and his body at her front.

He must have felt it for suddenly he was lowering her to the ground and covering her body with his own. It felt so good to have him over her, the way he fit between her legs even with their hands in the way.

He grabbed both her hands in his and pulled them over her head to hold them there, he then pressed his clothed cock against her aching core and started rocking back and forth. Merlin could feel her climax nearing with an alarming speed but she didn't care, she wanted it so badly.

She moaned in time with his groans, while their tongues rubbed in time with their bodies. She could almost taste her orgasm when there was a sound in the forest. Mordred froze all movement and before she had time to blink he was gone.

Merlin found herself laying alone and frustrated on the forest floor when the sound came again. She groaned and got up on her feet, she strained her ears and scrolled. She knew that sound and it was in no way welcome at this particularly moment, so she grabbed the plates that she had dropped at some point and went to the water edge and were almost done when Gwaine came out of the forest.

"So Merlin… You have been gone quite a while. What have you been up to?"

He asked with an annoying smirk on his face.

"If you must know I laid down and watched the stars for a bit."

His smirk only grew bigger at that.

"Is that also why you look like you have been kissed like there was no tomorrow? And your clothes are in disarray? You may want to do something about that before you come back to the camp."

She could feel her face heating up and muttered to him to shut up and help her instead.

When they came back to the camp she looked almost presentable but not quite so Arthur had a good laugh about her falling, she did not tell him differently. She locked eyes with a frowning Mordred who sat by the campfire.

He glared at Gwaine´s arm that were around her waist again, but she just smiled a little smile at him.

"_Relax_ _Mordred, it´s just his arm. And what was that running away back there?" _

He just smiled back at her and turned back to his conversation with Percival, who smiled an approving smile at her when he looked from Mordred to her.

When they rolled out their bedrolls Mordred´s were by hers again but a little closer this time.

When everybody had fallen asleep other than Merlin, Mordred and Sir Bors who was on watch duty Merlin felt a hand go around her midsection and being pulled back into the embrace of Mordred´s arms. She turned her head and kissed him before snuggling in close and closing her eyes.

"_It was just a little payback. You made me so frustrated last time so now it was your turn. Good night my Emrys."_

She smiled a lazy smile half into sleep.

"_You too my Mordred."_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Still unbeta´ed. **_

_**Please leave me a small comment. **_

Chapter 5

The next morning she woke before the sun rose just like the day before. Unlike the day before she was not in Mordred´s arms this morning as he had the late night watch.

She got up and rolled her bedroll up, and did the same to Mordred´s as he had out it over her when he had gotten up to keep her warm.

She went down to the lake to get some water to make a pot of breakfast, for the knights and herself. She sat staring at the water for a moment before she got up and walked back to the camp at a slow pace.

On the way back she kept thinking about the all the things that had happened on this trip so far. They had not that any run ins with bandits and she was happy for it since she had enough on her mind as it was.

Gwaine knew about her and he did not mind at all and he also knew about Mordred so she could get him to watching him when she could not. It was not that she did not trust her. Okay she was not completely sure that she could trust him but only time would tell.

But as time when on she would stay at his side and try to guide him in the right way when it was that the time came for it.

She heard a yell back from the camp and the sound of sword clinging against another sword. She dropped what she had in her arms and started running toward the camp as fast as she could.

"_No Emrys, stay where you are... Do not come any closer… Please."_

"_Sorry Mordred. You know what my destiny is. I have to protect Arthur. At whatever cost."_

She hid behind some trees from where she could see what was happening in the small clearing there had been their campsite. Only now it did not resemble a campsite anymore.

There was a couple of body´s on the ground but a fast survey told her that there was none of the knights between the fallen. She let out a sign of relief at the sight.

Her eyes sort Arthur out quickly only to see him and Mordred standing back to back and fighting the bandits. A small smile graced Merlin´s lips at the sight.

Mordred´s black hair was a beautiful contrast to Arthur´s blonde and the way they moved together almost had her mesmerized. It was beautiful to watch but she saw that she had to intervene as there were more of the bandits moving at them.

"Get the druid! The Lady Morgana wants him alive!"

She heard one of the bandits yell and she looked on in horror as Arthur turned to look at Mordred mid strike.

Because of that he did not see the bandit behind him but she did, she felt her magic rise within her as the bandit brought the sword down she put her hand in front of her to release it as something hit her hard in the back of her head.

She crumbled at the same time she felt Mordred´s magic go berserk and he screamed her name.

She was on the ground looking up in a daze at the bandit just about to bring the sword down on her when it looked like he got hit by a boulder face on. She could practically see how his bones got crushed as the same time as his skin broke in places and blood started running down his face.

He fell at the same time as she lost her hold on reality to the darkness.

When she came to her hands were bond at her back and she was laying on her side. She tried to open her eyes but found that it would not help as she was blindfolded, but she could hear people moving about. Just a couple mind you but when she could not see her opponents there was not much she could do.

Her head hurt when she tried to think about what happened. She concentrated on the bandits around her as she assumed that it was them who that taken her.

They had probably done it in the middle of the knights finding out that their new member was a sorcerer. She could only imagine the kind of confusion and panic it had created when he had lost his temper and control.

From what she remembered from before she blacked out it had been bad, as in really bad. And oh god, Arthur… What if he had killed Mordred? She knew had she would never forgive him for it because even if he was her best friend, she knew she could come to love Mordred.

She wanted to have the chance to make then work. But even if she would never forgive Arthur she would always be by his side as it was her destiny and she wanted to.

"…sure he is coming for her?"

She heard one of the bandits ask the other one. She listened more carefully to their conversation.

"Did you not see how he reacted when Eric dropped her? The guy has it bad for her. "

"Hey look it looks like our guest is awake."

They came over to her she both felt and heard it. She was pulled into a sitting position and the blindfold was ripped of her so she could see them. There was two of them and they did not look friendly.

They were dirty and had long hair in knots. Their clothes were made of skin and fur that gave the impression that they were used to a much colder place.

She glared at them.

"What do you want with me?"

They started laughing and it quite frankly made her a little mad.

"With you? Nothing. You are bait for the druid."

The biggest one of them said smirking.

"What does Morgana want with Mordred?"

She asked which resulted in her being backhanded across her face so it whipped to the side.

At the edge of where her magic reached in its relaxed state she felt a raw spike of raw anger.

She let herself fall to the side like she had been knocked out, she tried using her magic to untie her but something was wrong, it felt like she was being invaded by something.

"Jens you knocked her out."

"So? Less noise."

As they kept talking she reached out with her mind and magic.

"_Mordred? Can you hear me?"_

"_MERLIN! Are you okay? I´m coming for you."_

"_Mordred no. It is a trap for you. Somehow they knew that if they took me you would come. And they… they did something to my magic. This is all I can do at the moment."_

"_I´ll be careful I promise you. I… I had to run Merlin… Arthur was… he looked… betrayed…"_

She could hear the pain in his mind voice, and it saddened her heart to know he had to be feeling so alone right now.

"_He needs time Mordred. It needs to be a slow build. He trusts you but for him to see what you did. He probably just got scared."_

"_I know. Wait. You saw what I did?"_

He sounded so nervous and scared. She was not sure why he was scared for a minute but then she understood.

"_It does not change anything Mordred."_

"_But…"_

"_No but."_

"_I am here."_

"_Be careful Mordred."_

There was a bright light that she could see even with her eyes closed. She opened them when it was gone to see the two bandits pressed against a tree each.

Mordred came scrolling into the small camp like he had no care in the world.

"So you want me. Here I am."

The two bandits looked scared and she completely understood why as she took in Mordred. His clothes were strained with blood and were ripped in places and he had his sword in hand.

But it was the expression on his face that got them so scared and her quite a bit too. It was cold and unfeeling. Like he had no feelings and absolutely no kindness in him and it scared her silly as it was the same expression he had had in the vision she had Seen where he had killed Arthur.

She did not listen to what was said between them she was so disturbed by him. But she snapped out of it when Mordred hissed and drove his sword into the stomach of one of them all the while he had on a sickening smile.

He twisted his sword and pulled it out slowly. He leaned a little closer to the bandit as he hissed and fought to stay awake and alive. He closed his eyes as he breathed in the dying man's last breath. When he opened his eyes again she could see the look of hunger and lust in them.

He turned to the last man with a smile that made Merlin´s skin crawl in terror but she figured she had to stop him before he was completely lost.

"Mordred? Mordred? Please?"

He did not hear her so she tried the only other thing than screaming she could think of.

"_Mordred? Please listen to me. Mordred? Still love me?"_

He stopped in his tracks and turned to her with a look of confusion in his eyes. He then looked down at his sword and dropped it in horror and backed away from it.

He looked at her with terror and started to back away from her too while he kept shaking his head.

"No. Mordred. Please. It is going to be okay. Just come here."

He looked very unsure but went to her anyway. He sat down next to her and unbound her and took a bracelet of her wrist that she had not even noticed she had on. When he removed it she felt her magic rushing through her veins with a vengeance.

Mordred just sat there till Merlin pulled him to her and he collapsed against her shaking with suppressed tears, her heart broke for him as she rocked him. She heard min muttering to himself and strained to hear it.

"I thought I lost you. Don´t leave me. I love you. Don´t leave me. Love me… I thought I lost you."

He kept repeating it over and over.

"I will not leave you Mordred and you have not lost me. I promise you."

"Well is that not just sweet?"

She looked up to see that they were surrounded by just under 20 bandits that she had absolutely no idea where came from. Both Mordred and her jumped to their feet´s. They had no weapons since Mordreds sword had been dropped by the dead bandit. The other bandit it seemed he had let go in his terror over what he had done.

"If you come with us freely we will let your lady friend go. Or maybe not"

One of the bandit´s said as he saw how a couple of his crew looked at her which caused Mordred to push her behind him. Suddenly Mordred ran forward and dropped to grab his sword of off the ground while the bandits tried to stop him. Merlin threw her hand up in front of her and her eyes turned a brilliant shade of gold as the bandits flew to the sides.

Mordred turned with his sword in hand and jumped at the bandits at the same time as the knights af Camelot came bursting through the trees and threw themselves into the fight.

Sir Bors took on a scary looking bandit with a scar running all the way across his face. Bors was fierce with his beloved battle-axe but it did not help him from the guy with a crossbow that shot him in the neck, he went down with the sound of him trying to breathe, but it came out as I gurgling noise.

Two other knights fell just as fast to the bandits.

Gwaine were fighting two bandits with swords who was not half as cable as him so he soon that them on retreat.

Merlin helped where she could without it being seen as she saw Arthur and Mordred nearing each other in the battle. They were both doing just fine so she looked on to see to her horror Percival being overpowered and brought down with a mace to the back of his head. There was no way he could have survived that.

She heard Leon scream.

"Sire!"

She turned to see what was happening only to freeze up.

Arthur heard him too so he turned and swung his sword as he like her understood it like a bandit sneaking up on the king without him noticing it. Arthur brought his sword down and Merlin´s world stopped.

Merlin´s heartbreaking scream tore through the air as his sword sank into Mordred´s side, who in turn turned also thinking it was a bandit thrust his sword forward only for it to sink deeply into the kings chest.

"Mordred?"

Came Arthur´s surprised voice only for it to be answered back in the same painfully confused tone.

"Arthur?"

They fell to each side and Mordred´s eyes sought Merlin´s out. She saw his lips move but could not hear a single sound. She stared at him and Arthur in horror.

"_My Emrys. Love me."_

She heard his voice in her head just before his eyes closed and every bond she could feel with him and his magic disappeared as he drew his last breath. She did not have to look at Arthur to know that he too had left this world.

After that the knights fell one after the other as their grief over the kings death made them lose focus. In the end it was just Leon and her who were alive Gwaine having just fallen. Leon did not even have time to see what hit him as he went down and Merlin just sat rocking back and forth where she had fallen to her knees right after Mordred and Arthur´s deaths.

The bandits turned to her with sick smiles on their faces.

"Well look at that boy´s… We still have the girl."

She scrambled back in horror and landed on her bottom. She jumped to her feet and backed away from the lake while she stared at it. Nononono… She turned back the way she came and ran with the tears running down her cheeks.

There were bandits nearing the camp. She could and would not let what she had just Seen in the lake become real. She had to warn the knights!

She almost threw her magic out to Mordred while she screamed in her head.

"_Bandits!"_

She heard the warning call and ran even faster but the tears blurred her eyesight so she could not see where she ran, which resulted in her running straight into a tree and knocking herself out.

When she came to it was to the annoying sound of Arthur joking with the knights about how only she would knock herself out to get out of fighting.

She groaned and brought her hands to her head.

"Ugh… What happened? Why does my head feel like Arthur used me as a practice dummy?"

There was laughter all around her as someone who her senses told her was Mordred helped her up into a sitting position.

"Well apparently you decided to challenge a tree to dual. I am sad to say that you lost that fight, you know that is not good to be own as the one who lost to a tree."

Arthur answered her still laughing. She heard Mordred´s quiet laugh in her ear. She opened her eyes and glared at him and saw a big tree just off to the side.

"Is that the tree?"

She asked while nodding at it. Arthur laughed a little more while he nodded. She glared at him again and then looked the tree up and down.

"Of course that tree would vin… I mean, have you seen the size of that thing?"

That only set them of laughing even more but Arthur sobered up quickly.

"We have to return to Camelot. Sir´s Bors and Brian were wounded in the fight and I think they may need Gauis. We killed all the bandits."

She nodded and got up with Mordred´s help and in no time they were on their way back home. Mordred kept stealing glances at Merlin just like she did him. They had reached a silent agreement that their relationship was not something anyone else needed to know about right now.

The trip home went as fast as it could with little rest where Merlin changed their bandages.

They made it home in record time and Gauis got his patients settled down and looked at. He said it was good they got home so fast or Sir Brian would have lost his leg.

Merlin was just happy that they were all back and all alive. She let Gauis know she needed to talk to him as soon as he had the time to spare.

She had just finished packing away all Arthurs stuff and saying goodnight to him. Om the way back to Arthur´s chambers she kept thing about what she had Seen and how it was changed. It proved to her that the future could be changed but it had also shown her something else.

It had shown her that Mordred were dangerous very dangerous. The look in his eyes as he had killed the bandit would be forever imprinted in her mind. It was not the look of the man who wanted her to love him but the look of a cold and unfeeling killer.

But it did however not change her mind about being with him it just made her surer that she was going to change his destiny. She had Seen how it would break him to just be that person a little bit and that she could not and would not let happen.

It had also shown her just how much he meant to her as it was not just Arthur´s death that had broken her but also his. She would do whatever she had to to not feel that kind of pain. It was not just for Arthur she would kill. She was also willing to kill for Mordred just as he would kill for her.

He kept telling her that he loved her but she had not realized just how much he did. It was frightening what he would do just because she had been taken by a couple of bandits.

When she got to Gauis´s chambers he was sitting there and waiting for her so she sat down in front of him. She did not say anything just sat patiently and waited while he quickly let his eyes run over her looking for wounds.

"What happened Merlin?"

He asked her as he took her in. She was sure she looked utterly defeated because she felt like it. She may have had diverted that particular future but she had felt it. It had felt real.

And so she told him all that she had Seen only leavening out Mordred´s and hers little heart to heart as she was not sure how he was going to react to that.

"You changed it Merlin."

"I know but this vision thing was different. It felt like I was there. Like it really happened it has never been like that before. Unusually I can turn away and not watch it but this time. This time I did not even know it was not real before it was over. It scared me Gauis."

"Hmm let us hope that it was just this time is happened. But you go up and get some rest. Sleep tight Merlin."

She went up to her room and laid down on her bed. She could not stop thinking about Mordred. She had a small smile on her face wondering when they had time to see each other. She felt his magic brush hers.

"_Emrys? Can I see you?"_

"_I am coming to you."_

_**Admit it. I had you good… hehe…**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Still unbeta´ed**_

_**Please leave me your thoughts.**_

_**I am going to skip some of the episodes in the show because I feel like it… hehe… and because I can... Some of them do not even happen in this universe. **_

_**The dark tower did happen but I will not write it. So Gwen will become a naughty queen. **_

_**This chapter is mostly just for fun.**_

Chapter 6

She stood in front of Mordred´s room and prepared to enter. She could feel him pacing on the other side of the thick wooden door. She took a deep breath and entered.

She closed the door silently behind her and leaned against it. She took in Mordred´s form as he stopped pacing and faced her. He wore dark trousers that looked black in the dark of the room and over it he had white shirt. She smiled at him and got a little one back.

"What is the matter Mordred?"

"Should I not be the one to ask you that? Or maybe more accurate: what happened out in the forest? Just before the bandits attacked the camp."

She signed and rubbed her head. She ought to have known that he would have noticed that something had happened. Of course he would want to know. He gestured for her to sit on his bed while he took a chair over to sit in front of her.

"What is it Merlin? Your magic warned me something was wrong before you screamed at me. I was on my way to you."

She looked up at him from her hands had she had I her lap.

"What do you mean my magic warned you?"

He signed and took her hands in his and started rubbing his thumbs on the back of her hands. He was just looking at their hands.

"A little while before you called to me I felt your magic lash out. It felt like my heart had been ribbed from my chest. I don´t think I have ever felt so much pain and terror as you felt then. What happened out there Emrys?"

"I was by the lake and Saw the attack and the outcome of it in it. It was terrible. I don´t… what I mean is… I don´t know how to tell you what could have happened."

"Then don´t. It did not happen the way you Saw it I assume?"

She looked up at him in curiosity over the fact that he did not ask her to tell him. But she decided that she would tell him some of it anyway.

"We all died Mordred. They were there for you to bring you to Morgana."

He got up and started to pace again. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

"What does she want with me? Kill me for stabbing her?"

She got up from the bed to stand in front of him. She grabbed his hands and held them in the same way he had dome to hers only moments before.

"She might try to get you on her side. But that does not matter because she cannot have you. You are mine okay?"

He smiled at her and pulled his hands from hers only to grasp her head in his hands and kiss her.

"Really? You still want to be with me?"

It was at that time she realized that he might be a grown man now but he was more insecure than she had thought. But when she gave it thought it made sense in a way. He had always been hiding who he was. She just smiled at him.

"Of course I still want to be with you. Don´t be silly."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a close hug. He buried his face in the crock of her neck. She smiled when she felt him start to kiss up and down her neck.

She pulled back a little so she could kiss him. She lost her sense of reality in the kiss. It seemed like the whole world shank down to just the two of them. All she felt was his hands on her. Rubbing and caressing her through her clothes. The feeling of his skin under her fingertips as they sneaked under his shirt, the strength of his body against her.

Her hands pushed his shirt up and over his head. She did not look where she threw it considering she had his bare chest on display in front of her. She licked her lower lip at the sight of him. She pulled the same lip in between her lips to bite it.

She looked up as she heard him groan. He was looking intensely at her mouth with a look of otter hunger on his face. She barely had time to register what happened before she was on the bed with him over her. He was licking the lip she had just abused.

She moaned and ached into his touch as his hand moved over her ribcage up to her breast. He palmed it. His other hand had pulled her leg up to his hip so he was nestled between her legs and he attacked her neck with his teeth, tongue and lips. She pulled her other leg up so it also was at his hip.

She ground her hips against him in a twirling motion. He ground back against her in a rocking rhythm that made her gasp for air. Her hands found their way to his bare back. Her nails' left red marks on his back as she pulled them down.

His hands griped the hem of her shirt and almost tore it of off her. He threw it somewhere behind him. He looked down at her bare breasts with wonder and lust in his eyes.

He grabbed her hands and pinned them over her head while he ducked down to take a perked nipple in his mouth. He kept the rocking against her center up till she had enough of it. She was not sure how she did it but was quite sure her magic may had had something to do the success she had, because she managed to turn them over so she was on top with his hands pinned.

She sat in his lap and looked down at him with a smile on her lips.

"Lay still."

He nodded at her while he kept his eyes on her. She then bend down and kissed him. She kissed her way down his neck to his chest. Her fingers trailed down his arms, when they got to his chest she made them sink in a little harder because if there was one thing she had already found out it was that he liked a bit of pain.

She sat back up and started to undo his trousers. When she got them open she pulled them of and they went the same way as her shirt had gone.

She sat back and stared at his naked body, she could feel her mouth water with the desire to lick him all over. She then bend back down and kissed her way down his body till she felt him against her cheek. She pulled a little back only to let her tongue glide over the head of his weeping prick.

He bucked up into her mouth and hissed. His body fell back onto the bed and she had never felt as powerful as she did in that moment. She had a quivering Mordred under her at her mercy. She could do whatever she wanted to him.

He tasted kind of funny on her tongue but not unpleasantly so. She started to bob her head up and down while she sucked, kissed and licked him.

He groaned and moaned under her. Suddenly he pushed her of him and she fell down next to her thinking she had done something wrong. However she has quickly proved to that that was not the case. He started to undo her trousers that she had not had the chance to chance out of but he was too impatient so he ripped them in his haste to get them of her.

Her hands got pinned over her head again but only in one of his hands this time. He leaned in over her and kissed her tenderly. The hand there was not holding hers sneaked between them and her body ached up in his as his fingers found her soaked folds. She let out a long moan as one of his fingers sank into her.

He let out a hiss and looked at her with questioning eyes. She nodded franticly at him.

"_Yes! Please Mordred, I need you."_

He did not answer her but removed his finger and placed the head of his cock at her wet folds instead. He robbed it against her while she twisted under him trying to get him where she wanted. He smirked down at her and laid still.

"_Emrys. Look at me."_

She locked eyes with him and laid still too. He moved down a little so he could push into her but he did not. Her gaze turned irritated and he just smirked at her.

"_You are mine now Emrys. Do you understand? Do you anderstand Merlin?"_

"_Yes I understand."_

"_Say it Merlin. Whose are you?"_

"_Yours, Mordred. I am yours!"_

As she told him she was his he drove hard forward. She screamed in pleasure at the fullness and a little in pain at the force he used, at the same time as he hissed and groaned and sat a hard timeless rhythm.

He let go of one of her hands and intervened their fingers. The other hand had a hard grip on her hip that she knew would be a bruise in the morning, but she did not care about any of that. She had Mordred moving over and in her and she thought it was the best feeling ever.

Her now free hand found his back and left raised red marks there and it only made him groan more in pleasure.

They rose on the sea of ecstasy. Higher and higher they rose till they fell over the edge together. As they did so their magic burst into tiny sparks all around them. Mordred collapsed on top of Merlin with his head in the crock of her neck.

He kissed her and lifted his head to look at her.

"I love you Merlin."

She smiled at him and pulled him down into a kiss. If he noticed that she did not say it back he did not show it.

Before long they had started over again taking more time getting to know each other's bodies.

Merlin woke up some time before sunrise at the feel of fingers tracing her back as she was on her stomach. She turned her head towards Mordred who was popped up on an elbow and looking at her in the candlelight with a little frown and a look of guilt on his face.

"What is it my sweet?"

He looked at her started as if he did not know she was awake. He looked down at her body again.

"I am sorry."

"What for?"

She asked not liking where this was going.

"I hurt you. I am so sorry."

"Hurt me? What are you talking about Mordred?"

"Merlin. You are practically covered in bruises. You should have stopped me."

She frowned only for it to change into a smile.

"You did not hurt me. Had you done it I would had stopped you. Mordred look at me. You did not hurt me. But if you call that hurting me you are welcome to hurt me again. But not right now as I need to get the king his breakfast."

She got up and gathered her clothes to put on. As she got to her pants she frowned and concentrated as the rip closed. She put it on and went and kissed him.

"See you later my sweet."

As she closed the door she heard him say.

"I love you Emrys."

She closed the door silently and as she turned she froze. At Gwaine´s door one of the kitchen maids stood just as frozen at her and stared at back at her with the same shocked look on her face.

"This never happened."

They said at the same time and ran in different directions.

As she entered Gauis´s chambers she had a vain hope that he was still sleeping but that hope got shot into the ground very quickly.

"And where have you been Merlin?"

She cringed and thought of a lie he would not see through.

"I could not sleep so I walked around the castle. I kept seeing the vision every time I closed my eyes."

She felt bad for lying to him but she could not tell him she had spent the night in Mordred´s arms as Gauis was like a father to her. No father wants to know that their daughter have sex.

"Oh I see. Well it will pass Merlin. As it did not happen you can soon think of it as a nightmare."

"Maybe you are right. I hope so. Well I will just get into some fresh clothing then and start the day on time for once."

She smiled at him both to reassure him that she was okay but also because he bought her lie. Even if it did sadden her little bit that he believed it as there was a time she could never get a lie pass him. Had she really changed that much in the last 9 years since she met him?

She went up to her room to get changed and to see if her bruises were as bad as Mordred had made them out to as she had not had the time to look as she got dressed.

She stripped her clothes of and looked at her body. Okay she could see what he meant. She looked terrible. She was covered in dark bruises in the shape of Mordred´s fingers. She looked in the mirror and gasped. Around her neck she had bite marks and love bites. But the thing that shocked her was the very visible marks from strangulation.

She did not think he had had that hard a grip. She smiled a little to herself. The first time had been amazing. It had been power and love rolled into one. The second time had been so tender and loving that she had cried at one point if she remembered correctly. But it was the third time that had left her bruised.

It had been brutal but she had loved every moment of it. It had been pure sex. No tenderness and no whispered sweet nothings in her ear.

She pulled her serving dress on along with her neckerchief as it would not do to be seen without one until her neck had healed.

She went about her days like normal but every night she was in Mordred´s arms. She often saw Evalyn, the kitchen maid, come out from Gwaine´s rooms in the mornings and Evalyn saw her but they were getting quite good at not seeing, or pretending to not be seeing, each other.

Mordred and Merlin grew closer as time passed. They were all heartbroken when Elyan was killed saving Gwen from Morgana but Merlin was sure something was wrong with her but she had no proof.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"I know there is something wrong with Gwen. She is different somehow."

"I cannot really agree or disagree with you on that one since I do not know her as well as you. But that being said, Elyan just died and he was her brother. Is she not entitled to grieve?"

Merlin was laying on her front propped up on an elbow, with a hand under her chin. The other hand was playing with a small flame she had borrowed from one of the candles on top of Mordred´s bed. Mordred himself was sitting in a chair by the window, reading some book that Merlin had no interest in.

Merlin had the day off so Arthur could spend time alone, and for once it really was alone, with his wife and Queen since it was their anniversary.

She glared at him halfheartedly and sighed.

"I know that and of course she is allowed to grieve; he was the last one in her family. But I have seen her grieve before and it was nothing like this. I just wish we knew what Morgana had done to her. She just won´t tell us. I am worried Mordred."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and smiled a little at her frustration.

"You are always worried about something Merlin. The King is not worried and doesn´t seem to think that there is anything different to even be worried about. So just calm down, will you? If it proves to be anything we will deal with it."

She smiled at him because of the way he said we. Their relationship was still not out in the open and Merlin both loved and hated it. Everybody had known when Mordred came to Camelot that there was tension between them and that they had gotten over it and had become friends.

Gwaine being the exception in that case as he had the annoying ability to burst into Mordred´s chambers, which had ended with a deeply embarrassed Merlin more than once.

"I cannot calm down. I feel like there is something coming and I´m not prepared for it. I don´t know what to do Mordred."

He looked up at her with a frown and put the book on the table next to him; he got up and went over to sit on the backs of his legs in front of her. He chased the small flame away with a wave of his hand, took her hand in his, and kissed her fingertips.

The door to his chambers were banged open just as he opened his mouth to talk and Gwaine strolled in like it was his own room. Mordred turned to look at him with an irritated frown on his face but did not let go of her hand.

"Do you mind?"

"Oh sorry, I forgot."

Gwaine answered with a cheeky grin as he closed the door then turned back to them.

"Happy? Well, we have guard duty in a little while and the princess wants you to saddle up his, the Queen´s, and your own horse Merlin. He sent me to find you and look what I found in the first place I looked: two young lovers."

Merlin glared at him.

"He gave me the rest of the day off, but no, the clot pole just had to change his mind. So typical of him, well I have better get at it then. See you later."

She got up off the bed and kissed Mordred goodbye as he also got up and went to leave.

"What? Don't I get a kiss?"

Gwaine asked. Merlin immediately felt the air charge with magic and she looked at Mordred with a raised eyebrow. But he did not look at her; instead he stared intensely at the wall next to the door.

"Why would I give you a kiss? I don't feel that way about you, so go find Evalyn before your guard duty if you want kisses."

She ran out the door laughing at Gwaine´s facial expression.

"_Relax my sweet. He doesn´t mean anything by it. Gwaine is a flirt by heart. I really don't think he can help it."_

She sent to Mordred as she neared the stables.

"_I know, but I just can't help it. The thought of losing you drives me mad."_

"_You will not lose me Mordred. I am yours. Remember?"_

"_Yes, I remember Emrys."_

She could hear the smile in his voice. She started to saddle up her horse and the two stable boys she had gotten to help had just finished as the King and Queen came out into the courtyard.

hey got up on the horses and Merlin accepted the picnic baskets that Evalyn gave her, and they were on their way.

They were a little outside of Camelot when Arthur apparently thought that they had been silent long enough.

"Well this is nice, isn´t it? Just the two of us."

Arthur said to Gwen while Merlin rode behind them thinking: And what am I? Chopped liver?

Gwen smiled at him.

"Well, three of us."

Arthur looked back at Merlin while he replied.

"Merlin? Merlin doesn't count."

Don't count? What is that supposed to mean?

"Don't count? Not here. Not actually speaking right now."

She got no answer as Arthur chose to ignore her and continued speaking to Gwen while Merlin only listened in on them with one ear. She managed to hear Arthur telling Gwen that he had remembered their anniversary and thought: Oh no, I don't think so.

"Actually, I did."

Gwen started laughing as Arthur told her to shut up.

They were attacked not long after but Arthur handled it himself quite well, even after falling off his horse, with minimal interference from her and her magic.

They set off back to Camelot after that as Arthur did not think it was safe for Gwen.

For once Arthur was with her on the fact that it was not an incident that they were attacked when he found out his saddle had been sabotaged.

They arrested Tyr Seward for treason on the account that he was the one to saddle the King´s horse and they had found the same kind of thread, at his home, that was used on the saddle where it had been cut and sewn back together again.

She tried talking sense into Arthur but he wouldn't listen to her. She knew he had not done it, at least not on his own. She had known him for years and that kind of hatred was simply not in him. Gaius didn't seem to believe her either.

She took some food to Tyr and he told her the truth and she was right. He had not had anything to do with it. But he would not tell her who had done it because he was scared for his mother´s life.

She ran to Arthur and told him what Tyr had said to her but Gwen convinced him to wait till morning to talk to him himself. Merlin stared at her and could not believe what she heard. Did Gwen have anything to do with it? No, she couldn't. Mordred was probably right that she just seemed different because of her grief. But still she could not shake the feeling.

She tried to take it up with Gaius over their dinner, but he also used her grief as an excuse as to why she seemed different. After dinner she told him she would go to bed as she was tired and he wished her a good night's rest.

When she could finally hear him snoring through the door, she snuck back out to go to Mordred´s for the night. He wasn't there so she just undressed and got comfortable in his bed. She got woken up by Mordred snuggling into her from behind.

"_Hello my sweet, you have cold hands."_

"_And you are nice and warm."_

He lay on his back and she turned over and rested her head over his heart while she drew little symbols on his chest with her hand.

"Tyr is innocent. He saw whoever sabotaged Arthur´s saddle but he will not tell me who did it for fear of his mother´s life. And I know that there is something going on with Gwen, but I don´t know what. Gaius, like you, thinks that it is just her grief. Am I just starting to see things that aren't there?"

She sighed as she buried herself closer to his side.

"I seem to recall that you are rarely wrong in these kinds of things, but like I said: if something does happen we will deal with it. Just sleep Merlin."

He kissed the top of her head then settled down to sleep. She did the same not long after as she could do nothing else till morning came, when Arthur was going to go talk to Tyr and see if he could convince him to talk.

But when morning came, Tyr had been killed in his cell, and by the looks of it, it had been by someone with close personal knowledge of the layout of Camelot.

No, no, no. She knew that she had seen those kinds of seams before, on Gwen´s dresses. She was looking through them when Arthur caught her red handed. He said that she should take a greater interest in his clothing? What? Oh, laundry. That made a _lot_ more sense, since she could not fit his clothing even worse than she could Gwen's.

She was so embarrassed. Now Arthur definitely thought she was an idiot.

"Looking for holes? Looking for holes? Was that really the best you could come up with Merlin?"

She was walking through the castle muttering to herself. She was never going to live this down. Mordred fell into step beside her.

"_What has got you in such a mood?"_

"_Arthur, like always he was being a prat."_

They went separate ways as Mordred was on his way to training.

Let me get there in time. Let me get there in time. She kept screaming in her mind as she ran to the King and Queen´s chambers. It was Gwen! She threw the doors open and stormed in, only to find Arthur hanging over the side of his chair.

She fell to the ground and screamed; her magic lashed out in all directions in her pain.

"_Merlin, what is it?"_

She heard Mordred´s frantic voice in her head.

"_Arthur!"_

"_No! I am getting Gaius. Call for the guards Merlin!"_

She did, however, not have to call for them as they came running due to her scream.

She stood frozen by the wall glaring at Gwen as Gaius said it was a poison, with Mordred standing by her. She wished he could pull her into his arms. Or that she could just wake up. It had to be a nightmare because anything else was unthinkable.

"The only thing I know for certain is that the culprit lives among us."

What is she up to? The last one she blamed was Tyr, so who was going to take the blame this time? Had Gwen really changed so much? Merlin could not figure out what her goal was, if she was working with Morgana then what had she to gain? Morgana wanted the throne so it could not be what she was after.

"Whoever did this have betrayed us all."

Gwen turned to look at them as she said it only to turn back to Gaius as she kept talking.

"Someone who can roam the Citadel as they please, someone who has access to the King's stables."

Merlin glared harder at her as she started to get a feeling where this was going.

"The King´s prison. Even the King´s food."

No, Merlin decided, I do not like where this are going at all.

"_You need to turn down the glares, my love. You are going to make them think it is you she means."_

"_But don't you see, Mordred? That is what she is getting at."_

"There is only one I know of."

"_Here it comes."_

Gwen turned and looked at her.

"Merlin!"

She is a good actor, Merlin thought even as she looked like she was shocked at the accusation. Gwaine started laughing from where he stood at the door.

"I am sorry my lady, but did you just say Merlin? She would never do that. Everybody knows she is totally loyal to Arthur. He is her best friend. There is no way Merlin did it."

Gwen glared at him.

"There is no one else it could be, Sir Gwaine. Take her to the dungeons, guards."

The only one of the knights who moved to her was Leon just as she had suspected. He was loyal to the crown. Mordred stepped in front of her but Merlin put her hand on his arm and shook her head at him when he looked at her. She went with Leon when he asked it of her.

She hated this plan, really hated it. How come she always ended up as an old crone when Gaius had a plan? Oh bullocks. Now they were chasing her... Wait, that sounded like Gwaine and Mordred.

"_Would you two stop chasing me?! And you sure run fast."_

"_Merlin?"_

"_Yes Merlin. We may have a plan to cure Arthur but I kind of need to be in his rooms to do it."_

"_I am in the courtyard. You could not by chance get rid of those guards, could you?"_

She heard him tell the guards to put the Citadel on high alert. Oh, that´s not good, she thought. Hmm I might be able to work around it.

"_Merlin where are you?"_

"_Not right now, Mordred. I don't want to fall down from here."_

"_Fall down? What do you mean fall down? No, don't tell me that you are climbing the Citadel."_

"_Okay then, I won´t tell you. Silence now, and then yell at me later okay. This is hard enough as it is."_

He did as she asked and she was thankful for it, though she could feel in his magic that he was terrified but managed to stay relatively calm.

No, he was not supposed to die like this. Why could she not save him? She was starting to fall apart as Arthur suddenly frowned and turned over to fall into a normal sleep. She thanked all the old gods. Then she was sent out again the way she came. Had Gaius any idea how hard it was just to come up here and now he wanted her to take the same route down? Was he insane?

"_I am coming down now. Do you think you can clear the courtyard for me? It would be easier to get down."_

"_How are you going to get down?" _

"_You told me not to tell you before but now you want to know? No, don't get worked up I promised you that you can yell at me later."_

"_Merlin, please be careful. I couldn't bare it if anything were to happen to you."_

"_I will. See you tonight for my promised yelling."_

It was Gwaine and Gaius who came and got her out of the cells when it was midmorning.

"Good morning Merlin."

She was on her belly, so she lifted her head to them, looking half asleep still. She scratched her head and felt her hair standing out in all directions. She felt like groaning at it but was just so tired that she didn´t bother.

"If you´ve got a moment, the King would like a word."

Gwaine said with a smile and she just grinned goofily at him. As they got out of the dungeons, Gwaine put an arm around her shoulders and hugged her to him. Gaius lifted that eyebrow of his that had to be famous with the way he could arch it.

"I hear that you had a trying night. You can probably expect him to yell at you later. Climbing the outside of the Citadel? He has been raging about it ever since. I actually, at one point, thought that he was going to march down here… What?"

She stared at him with a horrified expression and her eyes flickered over to Gaius and back to Gwaine and she could see the moment he realized that Gaius did not know.

"He didn´t know about you and..? I'm sorry Merlin."

"Merlin, is there something you want to tell me?"

Gaius asked and she panicked and ran. She yelled back to them.

"Sorry, I've got to go Gaius. Arthur wanted to see me."

The last thing she heard was Gaius trying to get Gwaine to tell him who the `him` was.

Arthur actually said that he was sorry even though, in truth, Arthur kind of insulted her at the same time but she would take it.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hallo. So now I have someone looking over the chapters, which is way it is taking a bit longer for updates as we both have busy lives.  
**_

_**We are just about to hit 1000 visitors.  
**_

_**Please leave a comment below.  
**_

Chapter 8

Merlin was running out of excuses as to why not go back to Gaius´s chambers. She could not find anything more to do before morning as the sun had gone down a couple of hours ago. So she did what she had to do. She asked Arthur if there was anything else he wanted done, but it turned out that when she wanted something to do he could think of nothing. He just told her to go home and get some sleep.

So she found herself outside Gaius´s chambers trying to gather the courage to open the door and go inside.

"Merlin, stop standing out there and get in here."

She cringed, opened the door, and got in. Gaius stood in the middle of the room with his arms crossed over his chest. He indicated with his head that she should sit down at the table so she did. She sat looking around at anything and everything other than her father figure, who was obviously waiting for her to start talking.

"Well? Are you going to tell me who you have been seeing without telling me? I can´t protect you if you don´t tell me what you are doing."

He said as he sat down in front of her. He did not wait as long as Merlin thought he would have.

"I don't want to tell you Gaius. What I can tell you, however is that he makes me happy and that he loves me."

She looked at him while she said it hoping that that would be the end of it, though she knew I wouldn´t be. He raised that eyebrow of his at her and sighed. He folded his hands on the table that was between them.

"Merlin, what if he finds out that you have magic? Do you believe that he would still love you? The people here have been taught to fear magic. You know this Merlin."

She took a careful look at him and could see that he was just genuinely worried for her. She reached over and took his hands in hers as to reassure him, even if she knew that the next words from her would do the exact opposite.

"Gaius, He already knows, he knew before we even got together."

Gaius got up and started pacing back and forth. She could see the wheels turning in his head. He stopped and turned to her with a stern face.

"You have to tell me who he is Merlin. How well do you even know this man? And how long have you even been together? And one more thing: how come Gwaine knew and yet I had no clue about it before this morning? Which brings another question to mind: when have you even had the time to be with someone?"

She sat and frowned at the table. How well did she know Mordred? She knew a lot of things about him but there were some things he did not wish to discuss, and she respected that since there were things she did not want to speak about either.

"I know him as well as I know so many others. Gaius I don't need to know everything about him to trust him."

She knew in that moment that she did in fact trust Mordred. She would trust him with her life, she would even trust him with Arthur's, to a certain point.

"And we have been together for almost three months now. Gwaine knows because he could not keep his nose out of it and he… well he… ehm… eh yes… ehm… Well, I sometimes see him through the day and I sneak out of here every night after you have gone to sleep and just make sure I am back before you get up."

She smiled a big uncertain smile at him and really hoped he did not make her say that Gwaine had walked in on them in various states of undress and positions. She could, however, see by the green color on his face that he did not need her to tell him what Gwaine had seen or done.

"You still have not told me who it is Merlin."

He said as he looked sternly at her. She smiled at him with a look of apology.

"And I am not going to. At least not right now. I know that you worry about me, I do, but I am not ready to tell you."

He sighed and came over to sit back down in front of her.

"Do you love him?"

She frowned once more. Did she love Mordred? She certainly liked him, a lot, but did she love him? If love was the kind that Gwen and Arthur had had before then no, she did not love him. But she knew that there was many ways to show and feel romantic love so… maybe she did love him. She did not know the answer to that question but would certainly be doing a lot of thinking to find out.

"I honestly don't know Gaius. I like him a lot and I think that I could come to love him but as of right now? I don't know."

"Okay then, if you are sure. I will not pressure you but if anything at all happens you need to tell me. And now the question I have to ask is as your physician. You know the tea called The Maid's Tea? Are you drinking it?"

(AN: I have no idea if there is or ever was such a tea to make it more difficult for women to become pregnant but this is my story and as such I declare that there was.)

Merlin blushed at the question and looked at the table.

"Yes, I know of it and yes, I drink it."

"Good, now why don't you just run along now instead of waiting till I sleep?"

Merlin looked up with a big smile on her face and jumped up from the chair only to trip on it in her haste to get up. She got up off the floor and rubbed her bottom. Okay, that hurt she thought. She went to the door and was just about to open it when she turned and said,

"Thank you Gaius. I´ll see you in the morning."

She turned to leave when Gaius´s voice stopped her.

"Oh, and Merlin? You should probably figure out if you love him."

She gave him a short nod as an indication that she heard him and would try to figure it out.

She went through the halls trying not to get her nerves up over this scolding as she had actually given him permission to yell at her. As she rounded a corner she saw Gwaine come out of another hallway further down the hall. He waited for her and fell into step beside her.

"Look Merlin. I am sorry I let it slip to Gaius but I thought he knew considering you go to him every night."

"It is okay. Really it is. I was just putting it off. But he still does not know who it is so, please don't tell him. I am not ready for him to know that bit yet."

They had reached the knights wing. She stopped at Mordred´s door and felt for him with her magic. He was there. And he was pacing again.

"Well good luck Merlin. You really had him worried."

With those words he gave her a small hug and continued to his own door and went in. She opened Mordred´s door and stepped in as he already knew she was there. He always did. He stood at the window and looked out at the night sky. It looked like he had been standing there for a long time but she knew that was not the case.

She went up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. She rested her head against his shoulder and felt, more than heard, him let out a sigh of pent up tension. He laid his arms over hers and kept on looking out at the dark forest that could just be made out as a darker shape outside the city walls.

There were no clouds to see in the sky so the stars were in full view for those who looked.

"It is beautiful."

She said after a while of just standing there waiting for him to say something. But he still did not say anything so she pulled her arms to her and went around him. The look on his face told her everything she needed to know. He looked lost just like the first time she met him all those years ago.

"Mordred? Look at me. Please."

He sighed and looked her in the eyes. Her heart broke for him.

"You climbed the Citadel Merlin. The Citadel, Merlin! What were you thinking? I could have lost you if you had fallen. Don't you ever do that to me again, okay?"

"You know I can´t promise you that. But I can promise you that I will be careful."

She felt his control over his magic slip and become almost nonexistent. All the candles in the room lit up in big flames and one of the chairs went flying through the room and smashed against the door.

"Mordred, you need to calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down! You climbed the Citadel Merlin and you just stand there, telling me you can´t promise me you won´t do it again."

He yelled at her. The door was ripped open and Gwaine ran in and closed the door behind him.

"You need to stop this. You can be heard all the way down the hall. He needs to calm down Merlin. I am going to go again, but if he is not calmed down fast, I will come back in and knock him out."

He said to her when he came over to her and there were still things flying through the air. He then left again as Merlin went over to Mordred who now stood in the middle of the room with his hands in his hair. She put her hands on his cheeks and made him look at her.

"Mordred listen to me. You need to calm down. We can´t have the guards come running in."

He started to take deep breaths and the flying interior fell to the floor.

She let go of his face and pulled him with her to the bed. She laid down on it and pulled him along, hugging him to her. He started muttering that he could not lose her.

"I have told you before Mordred. You will not lose me. I am way too stubborn to really get hurt. I may get knocked down a few times but I always get back up again."

She kissed his forehead before she moved down his cheek then to his mouth. He responded in kind. She kept the kiss slow and tender even as he tried to make it demanding.

"Relax Mordred. Take it easy."

She said as his hands grabbed her hips and lifted her up so she could swing a leg over him, so she was straddling his lap with her skirts spread over his legs and torso. She smiled as she did what he wanted her to do. She smirked at him when she felt him hard between her legs, she leaned in over him to kiss him again only for him to capture her lower lip between his teeth. She started to roll her hips in small circles against his hardness. His hands gripped her hips tighter as he released her bottom lip and started to nibble on her neck. One of his hands reached up to pull the neckline of her shirt down so he could get access to her shoulder.

His teeth latched onto a very sensitive spot right where her neck met her shoulder. She threw her head back at the sensation and let out a long, loud moan. Mordred used her temporary distraction to roll them over. He ground his hard cock against her center with a groan that went straight to her core and made her ache all over in desire.

He pulled back a little and his hands went under her skirts to pull her undergarments down her legs as she lifted her hips. When they joined all the other mess on the floor, she pushed him up into a sitting position and pulled his shirt over his head, letting it fall to the floor. She took in his sculptured chest as a stray thought passed through her head about how she would probably never tire of looking at him.

She leaned forward and let her tongue glide over a scar on his chest, where the only thing he had said, when she had asked about it, was that he had been too nosy. He groaned low in his throat as his hands found her long braid and started with deft fingers to undo it. She let her mouth kiss and nibble over his chest in random patterns till she reached his nipple and scrapped her teeth over it.

His hand in her hair pulled her head sharply back so her face turned up to him while the other grabbed her hip again. He stared at her with hungry eyes.

"Don't do that Merlin."

She smiled at him in mirth and desire. Her fingers ran up the front of his body and she pulled them down so her nails ran over his nipples. He groaned while he glared at her.

"Now why would I not do that? You love a little pain so I am just delivering what you want."

She learned up to his ear and his hand followed her head. She lowered her voice to a seductive whisper.

"I just give you what you need."

She ended it with a sharp bite just under his ear. It was enough to push him to his breaking point. The hand in her hair let go to grab her shoulder and push her down on the bed as his other hand went to his trousers to undo them and push them down his legs. He leaned over her and crashed his lips to hers in a bruising kiss as he kicked them of.

He pushed her skirts up and was on her in an instant. As he sank into her he ended the kiss and arched his back as he hissed out his pleasure. Merlin´s eyes went as wide they could as she moaned at the sudden intrusion on her body.

He pulled almost all the way out to slam into her again. She lost her grip on reality as she always did when she was with him. It was explosive. It was in times like these that she forgot all about destiny and duty. The only thing in the world that mattered was Mordred.

She came with a loud scream and a thought popped into her head. That Gwaine had better not mention that he heard it. Very soon after, Mordred shuddered and groaned above her as his own release hit him.

He kissed her before he pulled out and rolled down beside her. She snuggled into him and just before she fell asleep she heard him mutter:

"I love you Merlin. Please love me back."

When she woke the next morning it was to the felling of Mordred´s fingers drawing circles around the scar tissue on her back where she was stung by a Serket. She turned her head so she was looking at him.

"Good morning."

She said as she smiled at him but he did not smile back. She frowned at him.

"What is it?"

He looked around his chambers and sighed. Be kept on tracing patterns on her back.

"I keep losing my temper since coming to Camelot. Before that I was much better at staying calm. I never lost I temper the way I do now. I guess it can be put down to me having abandonment issues. Just the thought of something happening to you… I can´t handle it. Before I came here, I had nothing to lose and now I do."

"Like I have said before, I am not going anywhere Mordred. You will not lose me."

"But what if…"

"No buts Mordred. I am not going anywhere."

She said and then kissed him.

I´m late, I´m late, I´m late. She ran from the kitchen to the King´s chambers with his breakfast tray in her hands. She rounded a corner and had to jump to the side real fast so she would not run Leon down.

"Sorry Leon. I´m late!"

She said as she started running again. Leon laughed at her and called after her.

"You better run fast Merlin. He woke up early this morning and has been raging about it for a while now."

Oh great it is one of those days. Yesterday he was apologizing to her and today he is going to be a pain in the butt. She burst into Arthur's chambers.

"And where have you been Merlin? You are very late."

"Yes, yes I know, I know. "

She put his breakfast on the table. Arthur stood at the window looking at her with a weird expression.

"I went to Gaius´s this morning and he said you never sleep there anymore. So where do you spend you nights Merlin? Please tell me you are not with Gwaine."

Merlin froze in the middle of making the bed. It was only for a moment but it was enough for Arthur to take notice of it.

"I don't know that you mean Sire. Gaius must be mistaken. You have a training session in a little while do you not? I'll go get the training gear while you eat."

She was out his door faster than he could protest, but that did not stop her from hearing him yell at her.

"MERLIN! You get back in here! MERLIN!"

Oh that was just great. Now she had both Gaius AND Arthur trying to find out about Mordred and her.

When she got back with his training gear he tried to get her to tell him what he wanted to know but she just ignored his questions which resulted in her getting hit in the back of the head, by a flying glove as she left the room to go to the training field. She practically ran there to get away from his questions.

When she got there all the Knights were already there standing around, talking, and laughing.

"_Mordred. You know how we agreed that right now no one can know about us?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Well Gaius has told Arthur that I never sleep in my chamber anymore, so naturally Arthur, being the prat that he is, is trying to find out who I am with. So, no small sweet touches or smiles. He will probably be watching closely to see if he can find out. I think Gaius even asked him to try and find out, even if he would have done it on his own too."_

"_Okay Emrys. I know we agreed but it is getting hard."_

"_I know my sweet. I know."_

It turned out that she was right about Arthur watching closely because when he came onto the field, he glared suspiciously at Percival, who she was speaking with at the time. And all throughout the training session every time she talked to a knight, Arthur glared at the knight and yelled at them for not training. Merlin could just barely contain her laughter.

She avoided standing alone with Gwaine because he would probably mention her scream last night and the one again that morning. And if Arthur heard it somehow he would know that it was a knight, and from there on, it would be a simple exclusion process.

But as the day went on she started to find it very irritating that he was practically everywhere she went, glaring at the males and looking closely at her interactions with them.

That night when she was on her way to Mordred´s chambers she even noticed him following her, so she had to lose him first. And it was the hard to lose if he wanted to be. It took a trip through the stables, the kitchens, the armory, the dungeons, and she finally lost him running through the upper town in twists and turns.

Mordred could not stop laughing at her when she told him about it. It amazed her how much it changed his face when he laughed and she could not stop smiling at him even if she tried. She felt a new kind of warmth spread through her body as she sat there, on the edge of the table, just looking at him being so happy.

She thought about what Gaius had said about her needing to find out if she loved him. She pondered over the feeling in her body centering on her heart and decided that: Yes, maybe she did love Mordred. No, not maybe, she realized as he kissed her when he was done laughing. She did love him. But she also realized that she was not ready to tell him.

That night when she was moving over him, it didn´t feel like they were having sex. To her it felt like making love. When she came, she cried but Mordred did not ask her why. He just kissed her and held her tighter.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

A week went by that way before Merlin lost her temper with the King. Not only did he follow her around but he had also made Gwen ask her after they had freed her mind. He was now asking the servants questions. It was actually Evalyn who made her lose it. Arthur had sent her on so many errands that she felt like her legs were going to fall off because of all that running around she did.

She had been pulled to the side by her when she was walking from the laundry room to the King´s chambers with a basket full of clothes in her arms, that she was pretty sure got washed 4 days ago and had not been worn since.

"Merlin, do you have a moment?"

She had been asked as she passed her in the hallway.

"If it means that I can stand still for more than 1 minute then yes. I most definitely have a moment. Feel free to use more than that. I don't know what I have done to make Arthur think I can get as many chores done in one day as he has given me."

"I know why."

"What?"

"I know why. Everybody knows that if you want to know the gossip around town and the Citadel, you have to ask the servants. We always know who is sleeping with whom. But anyway, he has taken the day to ask the servants because he too knows this. But from what I have heard I am the only servant who knows. And I did not tell him about you and… him…"

Merlin was mad. No, she was way passed mad. She was furious!

"He is doing what?!"

She hissed at the other girl.

"Yes, but as I said: I don't think any other servants know other than me. But, they will become curious. And so they will start to look for signs and ask questions. And somehow, they will probably find out the identity of your lover. And then it will be all over the Citadel in no time. Now, I know I was the first one he asked because we talked then he sent me for the queen so he will probably go on with the questioning after lunch. You have to stop him now if you don't want anyone knowing at this point. He is in the throne room."

Merlin was shaking all over that was how mad she was. She barely remembered thanking Evalyn as she changed directions and stormed for the throne room.

She pushed open one of the doors to the throne room so hard that it actually banged against the wall. She threw the basket to the side and slammed the door shut in the faces of a couple of surprised guards.

"Merlin, what are you doing now?"

Arthur asked her sounding quite annoyed with her but she did not care about that right now. She spun around to face him with her hair flying all around her. It had loosened in her mad dash through the Citadel, but right now she did not care at all about how she looked. She had taken greater care in her looks lately but right now, she could have been covered in mud for all she cared.

"What am_ I_ doing?! What are _you_ doing?!"

She practically screamed back at him. Arthur looked taken aback at her loud outburst as she had never screamed at him like that before. She knew in the back of her mind that the only reason that the guards were not storming in there, was because that even if she was a servant, she was still the King's best friend. So for the mild tempered Merlin to scream at him like that he must have really wronged her, plus they knew she would never try to hurt the King.

"How dare you start to ask questions of my friends? You may be my King and my best friend but you have no right to stick your nose in my personal life if I do not want you to know."

Arthur marched over to her and towered over her even if he were not much taller than she was and nearly growled at her.

"You can´t talk to me that way. And I am just trying to look out for you Merlin. You may practically be one of the men but you are not one. Men will say anything to get what they want Merlin. Don't be an idiot and fall for it."

She glared at him and pushed him away from her by his shoulders.

"I will speak to you exactly the way I want to when you are behaving like the largest clotpole on the face of the earth. And I know him; he would never do anything as underhanded as what you are suggesting."

They were talking in a more normal volume now that the worst steam had been let out. Arthur sighed and rubbed his face tiredly with his hands.

"Fine. I´ll stop following you around and trying to find out who it is on the condition that you tell me when you feel you are ready, and if he does anything to hurt you. Is that understood?"

She nodded in agreement and he continued,

"How can you be so sure of his motives?"

"Because I love him."

She broke out into a big grin and repeated herself with a wonder in her voice that made Arthur arch his eyebrows in question.

"Did you realize just now that you love your lover?"

She made a face at him and grinned.

"No, it is simply the first time I have said it."

"You have not even told him that you love him? Why not?"

She frowned at him and sank into one of the chairs by the table. She bent over the table, laying her forehead down, and buried her hands in her hair at the back of her head. She groaned her answer more at the table than at him.

"I don't know. He tells me that he loves me and yet I can´t make myself say it back."

Arthur sat down in front of her.

"Well, here´s an idea. Since I am apparently not allowed to do what I had planned for the afternoon, then we will just leave for the hunting trip today instead of tomorrow. Who knows? It might be good for you to get away a little. Take you away from that lover of yours to think things over."

She lifted her head from the table to glare at him with a raised eyebrow.

"And when were you going to tell me about this hunting trip we are apparently going on Sire?"

Arthur grinned at her with absolutely no apology in his eyes.

"Tomorrow, just before we had to go."

"Oh, great. Who is going, if you don't mind me asking Sire?"

"Just the usual knights and us."

Her head made a dull noise as she let it drop back onto the table.

"Ouch."

Arthur was just standing there looking at her with a bemused expression when she got up. She went over and started to put the disregarded clothing back into the basket and stood up again. She turned to the king.

"Is there anything else Sire?"

Arthur just looked at her for a moment before he replied.

"No there is not. Merlin, please tell Evalyn that I seem to recall telling her _not_ to run to you. But it is good to know you have a female friend. It seems you and Gwen have grown apart these last few years, and for that I am sorry. I take it she knows, considering how fast you got here after she left."

Merlin turned to leave while she answered.

"Of course she knows Sire. There are only two who do and she is one of them."

"She is a kitchen maid. They have a habit of gossiping. How do you know she won´t tell?"

"Because… if she tells on me, I´ll tell on her."

She muttered just loud enough for him to hear as she left. The guards looked curiously at her as she walked by them, this time with a small smile on her face.

They had been on the hunt for a little over two days when she noticed that all the knights were being very careful not to be alone with her. When she asked Leon about it he said she was just imagining things. Percival had gone more quiet than normal. Gwaine had laughed at her and told her in a low voice that she should ask Mordred while he rubbed his temple, indicating that she should do it silently.

"_What have I missed? Why are you all so careful about being alone with me?"_

She could almost feel him laughing in her head.

"_You have noticed that? Arthur has pulled each one of us to the side and told us that he hoped that it was none of us who are your mysterious lover. And that he would watch us, very closely, for any misbehavior. He is very protective of you."_

The last part was said with a little jealousy in in voice.

"_Mordred..."_

"_Yes, I know. It´s just that he gets to be protective of his best friend, but I don't get to be protective of the woman I love more than I have ever loved anything before."_

With that he cut of the link between their minds and would not let her reestablish it so she could keep talking with him.

She spent the rest of the day deeply submerged in her thoughts. When night fell, she was out gathering firewood for the rest of the night, when Mordred suddenly stood before her. She jumped back in shock and fell on her behind. Mordred smirked at her and offered her a hand to get up.

"Gwaine told Arthur that he would see what took you so long. And as Arthur wants none of us alone with you, here I am."

She looked around only to look back at him with a questioning look.

"Did you turn him into a toad or something? Because I can´t see him."

He stared at her with a funny look.

"What? I have had that urge many times through the years. He can be such an annoying ass."

He burst out in laughter and told her while still laughing that he was keeping watch to make sure that no one came their way. He then sobered up.

"Look Merlin. I am sorry about earlier. I just find it very hard."

"I know."

She kissed him with her arms full of firewood.

"Come on my sweet. Let us go to the camp before Arthur thinks that you and Gwaine are both my lovers."

Gwaine came out from a behind a tree laughing.

"Oh no we can´t have that. He is suspicious enough about one lover. And I have seen some of the things you two do. I always thought I was adventurous in and out of the bedchamber, but believe me when I say that some of the things you two do… I have absolutely no desire to be a part of that!"

They were still laughing when they came back to the camp all three of them carrying firewood. They placed it by the fire so it would be easier to put it in when it was needed. Merlin saw Leon come out from the woods but thought nothing of it.

She sat down and looked into the fire once again submerging into her own thoughts.

`Mordred is right. It is hard to pretend, and it is only getting harder as each day goes by. Would it be so terrible if people knew? Gaius wouldn´t understand. There is probably no one who would understand. But they don't have to understand, do they? I love him and he loves me, would and should that not be enough?'

Her thoughts went in circles all night and she made no real progress on what to do. On one hand, people could think what they wanted. But on the other hand, there was still the slight possibility that Mordred was going to kill Arthur. She knew she would not be able to handle it if that was still his destiny.

Was that also the reason she could not make herself tell him that she loved him. The possibility that he would still betray all that she was fighting for, that they were fighting for. He had told her that he knew that one day Arthur would accept them for what they really were.

Then, when they had rescued Gwen from Morgana's hold he had been cornered by Morgana while she had ordered Aithusa away. Morgana had once again tried to get him on her side and he had refused her. She had heard him tell her he had hoped that one day she would let love in again. Merlin knew it was a lost cause but she admired him for even trying.

But it also made her think more about what it was that could possibly turn him to Morgana. He said he loved her more than anything, so did that mean that it could be her fault? She hoped not. It could not be if he thought that she didn´t love him back could it? He rarely asked her to love him anymore but the flowers he had given her were in full bloom back in her chamber in Camelot.

But that didn´t mean that he was not slowly giving up hope that she loved him too. Was it even fair to him that she would not tell him that she loved him too? She did not think it was. Yes, she was scared he was going to break her heart but what if she was in the process of unknowingly breaking his?

As she settled down to one more restless night she came to the decision, that she would find a way and moment before they got back to Camelot to tell him that she loved him. She was lying next to Arthur who was deeply asleep. Now that she knew why he had told her to lay there, she found it kind of funny how he did not trust his knights with her. But at the same time she found it highly irritating as it was proven that she could not sleep anymore without Mordred`s arms around her.

She could feel through their bond that he was not fairing any better than she was. She did not try to speak to him because she knew that if she did there was absolutely no way that neither of them would be getting any sleep at all. And he had watch duty later on in the night so she hoped that he could get just a bit before then.

It was just around halfway through the night when she heard Percival wake the snoring Gwaine and Leon "waking" Mordred who pretended to be asleep. Not long after, she heard the unmistakable sounds of them sleeping soundly. She could also hear Gwaine and Mordred´s mumbling but could not make it out.

"_Just get over here would you? We both know you won´t get any sleep."_

Merlin sighed and, as silently as she could, snuck out of her bedroll, because she knew that he was right. Gwaine was sitting cross-legged on one side of the fire while Mordred was leaning against a chopped up tree that had its purpose as bench on the other side. She was just about to sit down next to him when he grabbed her hips and guided her to sit between his legs, so she was leaning against his chest with her back.

She moved around a little till she was almost sitting sideways up against him. She snuggled into him so she had her head under his chin and one arm around his middle.

"Sleep, Emrys."

He muttered to her as he kissed her forehead. She was almost asleep when they started their conversation up again.

"She loves you, you know."

Gwaine said to Mordred. She heard and felt Mordred sigh. His arms that were wrapped around her tightened a little. One of his hands started playing with a strand of her hair while he answered in a low sad voice.

"No she doesn´t, but how I wish she did."

If it was because of his sad and defeated voice she didn´t know, but she answered without even thinking about it. Her voice may have been filled with sleep but she answered in a low mumbling.

"Yes I do."

She did not hear what he said or register how his whole body froze at her words as she was too far into the realm of dreams.

The next day they were following a deer trail when they came across a little camp. There were a little girl, probably 7 years old, sitting by the fire, poking it with a stick. They were about to move around the camp when the little girl stretched her hands out in front of her.

"Hors, beride tha heofinan."

The King froze and stared at her with big eyes as a horse was formed in the smoke, his hand automatically went to his sword handle to grip it. The rest of the knights followed his example even if Mordred and Gwaine did not look like they wanted to, but did it anyway. She frowned and thought about how weird Mordred had been with her all day. He kept stealing glances at her with this peculiar look in his eyes. But she would have to think about that at another time.

Merlin placed her hand on Arthur´s arm and hissed at him.

"What are you doing my lord?"

He looked at her with a look there spoke volumes about how stupid he thought she was.

"She is a sorceress Merlin."

"And? Remember what that Dragoon fellow said at the lake. Magic is not evil. Only men are evil. Does she look evil to you? Well, does she?"

"But she…"

He sounded very unsure of himself. Suddenly the girl's parents ran up to her. The mother scooped her up in her arms while her father stood in front of them both.

"See how terrified they are? It is not her they are afraid of. It´s you! They are scared that you are going to take their daughter from them, just because she was born with magic. You need to stop this madness. It will only bring death and hate if you don't. Who do you think they will blame for the loss of their daughter?"

Arthur glared at her but let go of his sword. He turned around the way they came and started walking. The knights, minus Mordred, went after him. Merlin looked at the relieved family and smiled at them before she and Mordred turned to walk away. She felt a foreign mind brush hers and then she heard a man's voice in her head.

"_Thank you, Emrys."_

"_You are very welcome. Our King is starting to see the right path."_

She turned and smiled one more time as she answered him. Mordred was silent on the way back to the camp and Merlin did not understand what had happened. There was nothing wrong when she fell asleep on him in the night.

That night he did not ask her to come to the fire to sit with him. The next day went by very slowly. They stayed in the camp all day because Arthur just sat staring with a frown on his face while he was thinking.

Merlin was trying to fall asleep when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and saw Mordred bent over her, he nodded his head towards the forest as she heard him in her mind.

"_We need to talk." _

She frowned but got up and saw Gwaine watching them with a small smile as Mordred led her into the dark woods.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

They kept walking until they could just barely make out the light from the fire through the forest. Mordred did not say anything to her and it was making her a bit nervous. What did he want to talk about that could not wait till they got back? She couldn´t figure it out and he had been so quiet and reserved around her since the night he called her to the campfire.

Mordred sat down on a tree log. He leaned forward so his forearms rested on his knees and he folded his hands and stared at them. Merlin sat down next to him and mirrored his position. She did not like where this was going. With the way he acted, she feared that he would end their indiscretion or whatever it was they called it. Merlin created a ball of soft blue light, which hovered close by, so they could see a little.

"Look, if you want to end whatever this between us is, could you please get it over with?"

Mordred looked up at her in shocked confusion.

"Why would I end it?"

"I don't know but you have been so distant the last couple of days."

"I am sorry. I have had a lot on my mind. Do you remember Gwaine´s and mine conversation just before you fell asleep?"

Merlin tried to remember but there was really nothing that she could remember. But with the way he looked at her, she wished she could remember what she had done to make him look at her with such love in his eyes. She shook her head.

"Well, we thought you were asleep but you were not quite under. Gwaine said that you love me."

He looked at her with hope in his eyes. Hope that she remembered or hope that she loved him she didn´t know.

"I am sorry but I don't remember. You said I was still awake. How do you know?"

He didn´t say anything but she saw the sad look in his eyes before he looked away into the dark forest. She might not be able to remember it but she could imagine what she had said.

"Mordred?"

He turned to her and gave her an intense stare.

"Merlin, please tell me while you are awake enough to remember it the next day and the days after that."

Merlin got up and started to pace back and forth in front of him. While she did, she talked.

"I did not plan to tell you that way. I was looking for the right time. I decided that I would tell you before we went back to Camelot."

She kept muttering and mumbling to herself but somehow Mordred made sense of it, because he stood up and went over to her. He grabbed her shoulders and spun her around to face him.

"Merlin, tell me now. There is not going to be a perfect moment to do it."

She realized that he was right. There were no perfect moments. People created their own perfect moment. But for them a more perfect moment than this would be hard to come by. They were out in the forest that they both loved and felt at home in. It was beautiful in the light of Merlin´s blue orb.

Merlin placed one hand on his hip, the other on his chin, and pulled him to her. She closed her eyes and gave him a sweet kiss and whispered against his lips.

"I love you Mordred."

His arms went around her and pulled her as close to him as he could. He buried his face in the crook of her neck. She felt him inhale her scent.

"I love you Merlin. More than anything else."

She hugged him as tight as he did her. Eventually they sat down side by side on the log again, Mordred´s arm around her waist. She had her head rested on his shoulder while she sat looking at her blue orb. She had told him and it felt fantastic. Could she tell him the rest? She really wanted to. But what if he already knew? Could she handle that if that was the case?

"Where are you in that beautiful head of yours?"

"Hmm? Oh sorry, I was just thinking. Do you want to know when I found out that I love you?"

He looked at her and just nodded.

"It was the night when Arthur had found out about my mysterious lover. You couldn´t stop laughing at me and the way you looked... I have never felt anything like I did at that moment. The feeling took my breath away. You took my breath away. I have never been so happy before, as I was in that moment."

While she talked, Mordred had pulled her up on his lap so she was sitting with her back against him. She added almost as an afterthought even if it wasn´t,

"Nor have I ever been so scared."

"What do you mean scared?"

He asked her while he played with the fingers in her lap. Merlin sighed and took a deep breath before she answered him.

"What do you know about destiny?"

"Not much. Some can be changed and others can´t. I believe that we make our own. I don't like the idea of not having a choice in our own lives. Is that what you wanted to know?"

"Destinies can change but fate can´t. My destiny is to protect Arthur and bring magic back to the land. Morgana´s fate was to become evil. I knew of your destiny not long after I met you for the first time."

She felt him tense up behind her and stop playing with her fingers.

"My destiny? You don't sound like it is one you like. Do I even want to know what it is? I take it that my destiny is why you were scared?"

"No, you don't want to know it. I often wish I didn't. I am not scared of your destiny, I am terrified of it. I was scared because I love you. And if you follow your destiny, can I do what is required of me to fulfill mine? That is why I'm terrified of your destiny."

"Merlin, you are making me a bit nervous here. You make it sound like I am going to do something terrible like kill Arthur or something."

Merlin tensed and her eyes went wide at his words and his laughter. Only his laughter stopped as fast as it started.

"Merlin?"

"Don't make jokes about that Mordred"

She replied in a tense voice.

"Wait, are you saying that I am going to kill King Arthur? That can´t possibly be true Merlin. Why would I ever kill Arthur? He gave me a home, a purpose, a life! How can you even think that I am going to do that?"

As he talked he had placed her on the log again and was pacing furiously back and forth in front of her. He almost yelled at the end of it. She jumped up and in front of him.

"Do you really think that I want it to be true? I love you, so do you think I want to believe you would kill my best friend? But I have seen it Mordred! I have already stopped it from happening once. Granted that time it would have been an accident, but the other time I have seen… it was no accident, believe me."

"When have you stopped it?"

He asked and she answered. She told him everything and before she was done she was crying and Mordred had his arms around her while he stroked soothing circles into her back.

"But what I don't understand is: what would make me want to kill Arthur? The only thing I can think of is you. And I don't think he would ever hurt you. Not even if you told him who you really are. Okay he might be mad at you for a while, but he would get over it. You are his best friend and he thinks of you like one would a sister. If we don't count the fact that he already has Morgana."

"I don't know why. I only know what I have Seen."

She looked around them and saw the signs of dawn coming.

"We had better get back before everybody starts to wake up."

They walked back to the camp while the blue orb slowly died out. When they walked into the camp they went over to Gwaine by the fire and sat down. He looked up at them from his knives, which he was sharpening, with a smile only to frown when he saw Merlin´s red eyes.

"You were supposed to talk to her not make her cry."

He said while glaring at Mordred.

They never had the chance to respond as the knights started stirring. Throughout the day Gwaine kept sending glares at Mordred when he thought no one was watching. Merlin found it quite funny how he kept going at it, since he was just trying to convey in his own way that if Mordred hurt her, he would make his life hell.

Arthur kept looking at her with a funny look as they made their way back home to Camelot, but he had done that ever since he had found out her `secret` lover. When they reached Camelot, Gwen stood at the top of the stairs like she always did when they got back from hunts or patrols. She smiled at Merlin who smiled back as she got down from her horse.

Merlin stood holding the King´s reins as he got off his horse. Gwen came down the stairs and went to hug and kiss Arthur like she always did. Merlin could not quite help the stab of envy she felt at the sight of them being so openly affectionate. How she longed for a time when she could do that with Mordred. Not worrying about a destiny that might or might not come to pass.

She was a little lost in her thoughts but not so much that she did not hear what Arthur said to Gwen in a low voice.

"Something happened on the hunt you should know about. I think I may have figured it out."

He glanced at Merlin as he said the last part and Merlin was abruptly pulled out of her daydreaming. What had he figured out?

`He doesn't mean Mordred and me, does he? We were very careful were we not? If it is about Mordred then why has he not said anything? No, he must mean the little girl… But then what has he figured out? `

Merlin needed to know so she handed the horses reins over to a stable boy and snuck after the King and Queen. She followed them to the throne room where she managed to sneak in without them noticing. She hid behind the first pillar so she could still hear them but did not have to sneak close to them.

"We saw a girl using magic. She was maybe 7 or 8 years old. She created a horse in the smoke at her and her parent's camp. They were terrified of me Gwen. The mother grabbed the girl in her arms while the father stepped in between us."

"What did you do Arthur?"

Gwen´s voice was hesitant like she wasn´t sure she wanted to know the answer.

"When I heard the girl speaking in the old tongue I am ashamed to say that I gripped my sword. But then Merlin had one of those crazy moments when she shows just how wise she can be. We all know that Merlin believes in the best of everyone, but this time… What if she is right Gwen? What if the only reason sorcerers use magic for evil is because we drive them to it with fear?"

Merlin could not believe her ears. Had she actually gotten through that thick skull of his?

"She said that I should remember what that Dragoon who cured you had told us. That there is only evil in man and not in magic itself. I thought about it a lot… and I… what would you say if I changed the law?"

"Changed it? What kind of changes are you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about changing it so that the use of magic to kill would still be punishable by death, but other than that, have it have the same consequence as any other crime. You know I have thought about it before. But with the war with Morgana, can we really afford to be ignorant?

"Are you sure about this? With the way things are with Morgana the people might not like it. It could create a panic."

Merlin was holding her breath, afraid that even the smallest sound could wake her from this dream.

"_Mordred, you are never going to believe this! Arthur is talking to Gwen about changing the law on magic?"_

"_Really?"_

"_Yes, but I have to keep listening."_

"_Tell me what happened tonight. I love you."_

"_Will do, love you too."_

"It is not that I trust magic. It could be made as a trial run. So we could see how the people would react and if it is possible to live peacefully, side by side."

Merlin let out the breath she had been holding. So he did not plan a full repeal but it was a step in the right direction. But it also meant that she and Mordred would have to keep their magic secret because if, at the end of the trial period, he decided that the public was not ready yet, he would tighten the law again. She had no desire to be banished or burned.

"If you are sure Arthur, then of course I will support you. But you also mentioned that you think you have figured it out. I am assuming you mean Merlin and her lover?"

Merlin started to pay them attention again. This was it. Now she would find out if he knew.

"Yes, it is about that. I think the idiot is involved with Gwaine. And Mordred knows about it. Leon told me that he saw them out in the woods one night. He could not see them clearly or hear what was said, but he did say that it looked like Merlin said something to Gwaine that made him laugh in a way he has rarely heard before."

"But Arthur that does not mean that he is her lover."

Merlin had to fight real hard to not burst out laughing at that. He thought that she was with Gwaine. That was great. She frowned and remembered Mordred´s reaction when he thought she was with him. Hopefully that would not happen again. Well, at least not the jealousy part.

"No it doesn´t, but the other night I woke up early and Merlin wasn´t in her bedroll. She was coming out of the forest with Mordred. They sat by the fire with Gwaine who has been mad at Mordred ever since. Mordred apparently was supposed to talk to her about something but made her cry instead and Gwaine was been glaring at him all the time since then."

Merlin´s mouth dropped open in shock. He was close, but had drawn the wrong conclusion. But that did not mean that Gwen would. Gwen didn´t say anything for a moment but when she did Merlin wished she had kept quiet.

"What makes you so sure that it is Gwaine, who is her lover? Could it not be that it is Mordred who is her lover? And that it is Gwaine who knows about it?"

"No. Merlin and Mordred don´t really like each other. I don't know why, but I don't think that she trusts him."

They went out the back door still talking about her and her lover who they couldn´t agree on who it was. Merlin waited for maybe two minutes before she snuck out the door only to stop dead in her tracks.

"Ehm, hi."

She said with a big, nowhere near believable, innocent smile. The slight smirk she got in return from Gwen said all she needed to know. She had known she was there.

"So Merlin? Mordred or Gwaine? And don't worry, I will not tell Arthur."

Merlin just looked at her.

"Come on Merlin. You and I used to tell each other everything, didn´t we?"

"Sorry, but you are both wrong Gwen."

Gwen sighed and looked at Merlin with a sad look in her eyes.

"Okay if you don't want to tell me that is fine. What did you think of the other subject in there? Do you agree with my husband?"

Merlin thought about it for a moment. She could not seem too eager but she had to support it.

"I think that it is a good decision. I have met my fair share of sorcerers and they are not all bad. So yeah, I think it could work. I am sorry Gwen but I have to run."

She bowed to her and turned to leave. Gwen laughed after her.

"You run along to your knight."

Merlin raced through the Citadel and stormed into Mordred´s rooms. She ran at him and threw her legs around his middle as he caught her. He didn´t have time to ask her anything before she was kissing him.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Merlin kept kissing Mordred for all that she was worth. She blew the connection between their magic wide open so he could feel all that she was feeling. All the happiness she felt at hearing Arthur talking about repealing the ban, even if on a trial basis.

"_So I am guessing that you have some good news?"_

Merlin pulled her head back so she could look at him. He had a small smile playing on his lips. Merlin had to fight the urge to lick it off.

"Let me hear what has you in such a happy mood. Is he going to repeal the law?"

"Well, he wants to make it a trial run at first, to see if it could work. I think that it is a great idea to do it that way, to see how people react to it."

Mordred kissed her gently and said to her,

"You are making your destiny come true. Let us just work on making sure that mine doesn't."

Merlin smiled reassuringly at him. They might not be able to be free until it was not just a trial run anymore, but they were so close that she could almost feel it in the air, the anticipation and the feeling of something new. Merlin could not even explain it to herself but she could feel the change before it came. The very ground under the Citadel sang with it.

"The only thing about it is: it would probably be best if we wait till the trial period is over before we tell Arthur about us having magic. If it turns out that the people need it to be done in another way, other than just removing the ban we can´t afford for them to look at us with fear and uncertainty. We need to stand at Arthur´s side."

Mordred sighed and let Merlin´s legs drop to the floor. Merlin let her arms rest on his shoulders as she stood in front of him, his hands came to rest on her waist.

"I know. But I can´t help but long for the day when we can be who we are."

"I know but we have to wait until the time is right. Until then the best we can do is be patient and try to make sure that Arthur doesn´t change his mind about magic. He said that he still doesn't trust it. That will be our job, making sure that he knows that it can be trusted."

"Merlin?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up about Arthur for now."

She was about to ask him why when she noticed the look in his eyes. All of the sudden she did not feel like talking about Arthur anymore, when the look he gave her talked about raw passion and lust. Her whole world narrowed to only him, like she was used to. It felt normal to her that every time he looked at her like that, nothing else mattered.

She loved how he could be so tender that she wanted to cry. And she loved how she could give up all control to him. She was used to being in control of herself so it felt liberating to just let him guide her, to have him tell her what he wanted and needed. Most often, she needed it to.

He turned her around in his arms so her back was to his front. She had her arms hanging loose at her sides as she had to wait to find out what mood he was in. She hoped that he did not have all too gentle in mind. She loved when he was gentle with her but she also loved when he was demanding and forceful.

Tonight she felt like being reassured that he wanted her and somehow she felt that best when he lost control with her. It felt like he wanted her so much that he could not bear the thought of not being with her. It felt like he had to prove to himself that he was the only one who had her. She let him take out all of his frustration on and in her. He never really hurt her more than she could take, and she loved it. Loved how strong he was.

She soon got her answer when his arms tightened around her so much that is almost hurt. One of his hands trailed up her body and grabbed her around the neck. His thumb turned her head to him so he could kiss her hard. He broke the kiss off just before the angle of her craned neck became painful. He trailed kisses down her neck.

He stepped away from her and she could hear him getting comfortable on his bed. She felt the anticipation rise in her as she stood waiting for him to say something, anything. She did not have to wait long.

"Emrys turn around and face me."

She felt a shiver run up her spine at the command in his voice, like he was daring her to disobey, but why would she disobey when all she could think about was him and how to please him? She turned around slowly to see him propped up against the headboard. He had his legs out in front of him with on angle over the other the other, one arm was behind his head while the other lay on his abdomen.

"Good girl. Now bend over and take off your socks and boots."

His choice of words told her that she was not allowed to bend the knee to make it easier. And so she bent over so her bottom was in the air while she untied her boots and placed them beside her with her socks sticking out the top. She rose back up again, but not too fast as that would ruin it.

"Now take off the jacket Merlin."

Her right hand went to her left shoulder and pushed the fabric slowly down her arm, before she did the same on the other side. Mordred´s eyes followed her every move with a predatory glint in them. She smiled a little at him with an eyebrow raised in a way to ask him what next.

"Don't be cheeky Merlin. This is my show and I am in control. Take off the trousers. We are not in the woods anymore so you have no reason to wear them, no matter how good they make your ass look. There is no one who is allowed to look at you this way but me."

Merlin felt her cheeks blush a little at the praise, she was used to the way he would sometimes talk to her when the mood hit him. But it could still make her cheeks light up like a Camelot cape in the sun. Merlin´s hands went to the laces in her trousers and untied them; she wriggled her hips a bit so they first slid down one leg and then the other.

She bent over as she wriggled her feet out of the legs of the trousers. As she pushed the trousers to the side she was very aware of Mordred´s eyes on her. If she stood just right he would be able to see her chest in the neckline that followed the pull of gravity, if her neckerchief would just stop falling in the way all the time.

"Turn around Merlin, and take your undergarments off too."

Merlin felt the heat rise to her cheeks once more but did as he demanded of her. She turned so her back was to him while she was still bending over, her hands glided up the back of her legs and under the hem of her skirt. Her undergarments were luckily so loose at the waist that they could be pulled down with minimal effort.

But even if that were the case she still wriggled her hips as she pulled them down, the wriggling and her position caused her shirt to show her bottom and core off to Mordred who groaned as he inhaled. She looked over her shoulder at him with a seductive smile.

"Merlin, come here."

Mordred told her with a slightly hoarse voice. Merlin rose to a standing position and walked over to him with her hips swinging slightly from side to side. A smirk formed on her lips at the tent she could see in his trousers. When she reached the end of the bed she crawled onto it, her hands gripped his ankles and spread his legs enough for her to crawl in between them.

"I can smell you all the way up here. Do you want me Emrys? Answer me."

"Yes I want you Mordred."

Merlin looked at him through half lidded eyes that were dark with desire. Her tongue snaked out at one corner of her mouth and glided across her bottom lip, as it reached the other side she sucked that side of her lips into her mouth. She bit hard enough that her lip turned white at the pressure but not hard enough that it hurt as she pulled the lip back out.

Mordred´s eyes followed her tongue across her lip. His hands, still behind his head, shot out and grabbed her braid at the back of her head, and pulled her to him.

"Stop doing that. You know what that does to me."

He said against her lips with a husky voice before he kissed her. Merlin sighed against him while she let her body drop down on top of his, but he was having none of that. He pushed her back and sent her a little glare. His hands went to untie his trousers, when he had them open he grabbed her hand and pushed it down them.

"Take me in your hand Merlin, and rub me up and down."

Her hand closed around him as he hissed. Merlin never felt more powerful than when he became like this. It might be that he was the one in control but if she wanted to, she could change that at any time. But it made her feel powerful that she was the one to make him lose that iron grip he had on himself. She knew that he loved that she let him control her.

Her hand ran up and down his cock while she kissed and nibbled on his neck. His hands got placed on her shoulders and he pushed her down his body. Merlin let go of his dick and got a hiss out of him for it, her hands moved up under his shirt and when he found out what she wanted, he helped her to push it up and over his head.

When they had it off him and it was on the floor, Mordred pushed Merlin down him again. Her head got so far down that she felt Mordred´s hard dick hit her cheek.

"Taste me Merlin. Take me in that beautiful mouth of yours…"

Merlin let her tongue glide from the rod to the top, where she let it run around the head a few times before she closed her mouth around it and pushed her head further down. Mordred let out a mix between a groan and a hiss as she did it; one of his hands twisted in Merlin´s hair and pressed her head further down so she could feel him in the back of her throat.

Merlin moaned each time she was pressed further down as he hissed his pleasure at her. Suddenly he pulled her head off of him as he hissed.

"Enough Merlin. I want you. Now!"

He pulled her up so she was sitting in his lap. They both let out a moan when his hardness came into contact with her soaking center. His hands on her hips lifted her up a bit so she could use a hand to guide his head to her opening where he slammed home.

Merlin threw her head back with a shriek. His fingers held her so hard that they were sure to leave bruises. She bent her head down to his and kissed him while he guided her in the pace he wanted. Just as she was about to find the right rhythm, he pressed her down and pushed and pulled her forwards and backwards, as she caught on he ran his hands up her side and pulled her shirt over her head but did not let her get both of her hands free of the fabric.

He pushed her arms behind her and wrapped the shirt around her hands where he held them tight. She had no choice but to sit up right on him as he pulled on her shirt. He held on to her tight while he drove hard up into her till she came with a shriek. She was so lost in the pleasure that she barely noticed her hands get freed or that he turned her onto her back.

She did however notice it when he pressed his cock against her lips again, while his hand was closed firmly around the base as to hold off his orgasm.

"Take me in, Emrys. Swallow me down."

She opened her mouth as he pressed in. He only had to push into her mouth a few times before he too came with a loud groan of his own.

Merlin had her head rested on Mordred´s shoulder while she drew circles on his chest. The fingers on the arm Mordred had around her were trailing lazily up and down her side.

"Arthur thinks he has figured out who my lover is. He talked to Gwen about it. Arthur is wrong but Gwen isn't. Someday really soon they'll know. I don´t even know why we are keeping it secret anymore but with the upcoming law change I don't think now would be the right time to tell them."

"No probably not. Although with Arthur preoccupied with that he won´t have the time to threaten me about hurting you. Gwen always was a smart one. And who does he think your lover is?"

"He thinks that it´s Gwaine. It will be quite fun to see how he will treat him when this law has gone into effect. What will you do? I mean, when everybody knows about your powers and accepts it, accepts you? Will you still want to be a knight?"

"Yes it will. I think I will. I love being a knight. It feels right somehow. I have been many things but this is the first in a very long time that I have been proud of. What about you? Will you still just be Arthur´s maid when he knows?"

Merlin looked confused up at him.

"What else would I be doing? I will _not _be the court jester if that´s what you are insinuating."

Mordred laughed at her and she started to smile a lazy smile at him.

"No, Merlin, not a jester. Something more important or well maybe not important, like protecting him or… Oh I am doing this all wrong. What I mean is that when this is all out in the open would you maybe consider marrying me? You don't have to answer now or anything, just know when this is all over, I will ask you. But don't say anything. Just rest for now."

As Mordred fell asleep Merlin had her eyes wide open. He wanted to marry her one day? She did not quite comprehend that thought. She ended up putting it in the pile in her head labeled: think about later.

A week later Merlin was running around with something that felt very much like panic. Today, Arthur was going to tell the people that he had lifted the ban on a trial basis. She had laid out one of the finer sets of clothes that he owned.

Arthur came to stand at the opening to the balcony, with Gwen at his side, and a little behind them stood Mordred as a personal shield. He was to be on the balcony with them as Arthur made the announcement. Merlin just hoped they would take it better than the lords had done. Her ears had been ringing for a whole day because of their yelling.

"Merlin, do you really think I am doing the right thing here? I already asked Gwen but now I ask you one more time."

Merlin smiled reassuringly at him.

"Of course you are Arthur. The people know you and they trust you. There will be some who will not like it. But is that not always the case? Some didn´t like that you married Gwen and now they all love and adore her."

She smiled at Gwen who smiled back at her. Arthur did not say anything back but nodded at her and went out on the balcony, as Mordred passed she gave him a big smile which he returned only a little smaller. Her smile froze when she saw Gwen knowingly smirk at her. She had totally forgotten about her.

"So what you were saying about it not being him?"

Merlin mock glared at her with a smile.

"Let us just go show our support to Arthur." They turned to the balcony and stepped out on it together.

**So not a lot happened in this chapter but I have been crazy busy and tired the last couple of days. And we can´t have everything happening too fast now can we? Hehe no we can´t have that.**

**Sooo, is the Danish people still with us? How do you like the cold?**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello everybody. The chapters the next couple of weeks will not be coming regularly as I have a ton of school work with deadlines coming up. I beg you to be patient with me but you are more than welcome to write to me and bug me if you feel like it. **

Chapter 12

Merlin and Gwen came onto the balcony as Arthur addressed the people. Gwen went to his side while Merlin took her place behind him. They were positioned in such a way that she could still see the reaction of the people from where she stood side by side with Mordred. Merlin´s eyes trailed over the crowd, looking for anyone who acted out of the norm, by her side Mordred did the same to the darker alleyways that ran up to the main square.

"_How do you think they are going to react? I mean, it is their whole lives he is going to change."_

"_To some it may feel like he is forcing them to accept the changes, which in a way he is. But for some it will change nothing at all. Therefore I can´t predict their behavior."_

Merlin frowned a bit at his answer even if he were right. It was not possible to say how they would react but she hoped that they would not take it too badly. She had every intention of this going as smoothly as possible. That, however, did not mean that she didn´t know that it probably wouldn´t go as she hoped… Things never did.

"I, Arthur Pendragon, with the power invested in me by the late King Uther Pendragon, hereby declare, after careful consideration, that the ban on magic is lifted…"

At that point a loud mumbling could be heard from the people below. Merlin followed it all with eyes that looked for anything that was not to be expected, but no one seemed to be in the mind of causing troubles. Arthur continued on like no one had made a sound.

"…This will be on a trial basis to see if magic and non-magic people can live together once more in peace. So from this day forth to the next year, magic will only be seen as a crime if used as such. Now, I know many of you will be thinking, what about when the one year is up, what then? Well if all goes well, it will no longer be on trial but in full effect. If by chance it does not go well, none of the sorcerers exposed will be charged with anything they have done in the year to come unless it is a crime that is already punishable."

Merlin felt her pride in the man Arthur had become rise as he stood in front of his people, doing what was right. She looked at him and saw not only the King he was then, but as the once and future King, with Mordred on his side instead of against him and she could not help but smile.

This was how it was supposed to be. She could not help but wish that Morgana was with them for this, but Morgana had been fated for other things. She knew that, but that did not stop her from missing her friend. The Lady Morgana that did not know about Morgause being her sister, or Uther being her father, but who rode into battle with a servant simply because she thought anything else was wrong.

Merlin sighed and followed the King and Queen off the balcony. She fell into step with Mordred behind them as they went to the meeting hall, where the round table had been placed, to be greeted by Leon, Gwaine, Percival and Gaius who were there waiting for them.

Gaius stood, staring down Gwaine who kept looking confusedly at him, while Leon and Percival just looked amused at the interaction that had taken place. They shifted their gaze to the four coming through the door.

"Merlin! Just the girl I wanted to see. Would you tell your guardian here that I am NOT your lover? He doesn´t seem to believe me when I tell him."

"_What do you say, lover? Shall we have some fun on his expense? _"

She asked Mordred who she felt amusement from at her inquiry.

"_Why not? He is seems to think that it is fun to have it at ours."_

She looked confused at Gwaine when she answered him with a sweet smile.

"Why would I do that? That would be lying to them and we all know how bad I am at that."

She saw Arthur glare at Gwaine while Gwen looked between her, Gwaine, and Mordred with a frown on her face.

"What? Merlin what are you talking about? Oh, I see. You are trying to get back at me for all the fun I make at you and…"

"Wait, what are you saying? Are you saying that you know who Merlin´s lover is? I thought it was you?"

Arthur demanded at Gwaine.

"Of course I know. I was the one telling her to go for it when she wasn't sure about what to do."

Arthur rounded on Merlin then. He looked at her with determination.

"So he knows and I don't?"

Merlin´s eyes went wide and she started to back away when he advanced on her. Gwen stepped in front of Arthur and put her hands up.

"Arthur, we are not here to talk about this. We are here to talk about what we are going to do now."

He looked at her with conflicting emotions in his eyes and Merlin could see he was torn between getting the answers he wanted and doing what he knew he had to do. He looked at her with a look that told her that this was far from over, and she decided that she would have to find a way to make sure that she was not alone with him in a situation where he would be able to corner her.

"_Okay, so that did not go exactly like I imagined it would."_

"_No, I will have to say that it went a bit out of control. But considering how much he seems to want to know don't you think that it might be time to tell him soon?"_

"_Yes I do but I don't want to be pressured into doing it."_

She saw Mordred smiling a little when Arthur backed down at Gwen´s request.

"Okay. I want you to ride out to the borders of the kingdom, telling the news to everybody you meet. Hopefully you will not run into any trouble, but on the off change that you do, I am sending each of you out with three other knights. You will be riding tomorrow. Mordred, I need you to stay back in case any of the druid clans contact us now that the law has changed, and I don't know anybody other than you who knows how they think."

Mordred looked a little disappointed that he was not being sent out but he bowed to the King.

"As you wish, My Lord."

Gaius stepped up to Merlin and took her by the arm when she was about the leave the room with the others. He had that look in his eyes that she absolutely hated. The one that told her that she was doing something he thought was really stupid and not at all thought through.

"No Merlin, you are coming with me. I have some things I need you to do. I told Arthur this morning that I had need of you this afternoon and he said that he would have someone else see to your chores for him so you could do yours for me. Now come with me back to our chambers. You know, the ones you are barely ever in anymore."

Merlin felt her cheeks heat up in guilt and shame. He was right and she knew it. She was barely in his chambers anymore, she did not really see them as her home anymore, either she was doing chores for Arthur or she was out with the knights or, more recently, spending all of her time with Mordred in, what she thought of as their chambers. Gaius was just concerned for her and she just kept blowing him off.

Merlin bowed her head and followed Gaius back to his chambers and the never ending questions she knew were to come. But she would have to bare it as it was her own fault. When they entered the chambers Gaius pointed a chair out to her.

"Sit."

He sat down in front of her as was his habit when he had something to talk to her about.

"So Merlin? Have you figured out if you love this boy?"

Merlin´s head shot up at the word boy even if she knew that he did not mean it in the way that it sounded. When you were as old as Gaius was, most men were just boys in his eyes, but it did not mean that it didn´t hit a nerve with her. Mordred was younger than her, and she knew that some people would frown at that, but he was not that much younger. (AN: in this story Merlin was 16 when she first met Mordred and he was 12 so that makes him 4 years younger.)

"Yes, I have, and I do love him."

"And you are sure he is not just using you to get close to Arthur? Many young men would if they thought it could bring their standing a little higher."

Merlin glared at him for how naïve he thought that she was.

"How naïve do you think I am? I know that there are those who would do that but he already is close to Arthur and he doesn´t want a higher standing. He likes the standing he has. And if he wanted a higher standing it would not be because of his relationship with me. He would want it to be because he had earned it."

Gaius looked at her with a penetrating gaze that made her realize what she had just said. She had practically told him that is was a knight since they were really the only ones who were considered close to Arthur other than her. She could see the wheels turning in his head and she did not like it one bit. If he came to the right conclusion she was not sure that she would be able to tell a lie that he would believe, he always seemed to be able to look right through her when she tried.

But it seemed that she did not have to make up some lie as he just moved on.

"Where exactly do you even see this relationship going Merlin? You won´t even tell me who he is. That must be because you know it won´t go anywhere."

"He kind of asked me to marry him."

Gaius cocked his head to the side as he looked at her with a frown on his face.

"How do you kind of purpose to someone? And what did you answer?"

"He told me that he wants to ask me when all of this is over. He did not want my answer yet, but when he does ask… I'll probably say yes."

She said to him as she smiled at him. Gaius smiled back at her with a tender look in his eyes.

"I am happy for you Merlin, but I would like to know who is going to marry my honorary daughter."

"Someday I´ll tell you Gaius but not right now. I am just not sure that you´ll understand. Now what was it you wanted me to get done for you?"

She retracted her hand that she had placed on top of his while she was talking. She smiled at him even though she knew he most likely had some nasty chores for her to do. And she was right.

"I need you to clean the leech tank as it has not been done in who knows how long, so it has become filthy. And after that I have a list of herbs that I need you to get me from the forest."

At first Merlin thought that it would be done relatively quickly but when she got over to the corner she groaned at the sight. He had been out gathering more and had put them in without it being cleaned first, so she would have to take them out first. They always tried to take a bite out of her. Gaius chuckled at her when he left the room.

She rolled the sleeves up on her dress and started with getting a clean bucket of water to hold the leeches while she worked.

She was cursing like a tavern drawler when Gwen came by to talk to her. She didn´t even notice her until she heard Gwen laugh at her, and she turned around only to have Gwen to laugh even harder.

"I am so sorry Merlin but you look like you have really reached too far this time."

Merlin looked at her trying to figure out what she was talking about when she saw Gwen´s eyes were not focused on her face but more her arm. She looked down and shrieked. Her right arm had at least seven of the black leeches attached to it. She started to jump up and down while trying to pull them off, cursing at the same time.

It only served to make Gwen laugh all the more with Merlin yelling at her to stop laughing and help her instead. It was not that she was scared of leeches or anything but that did not mean that she wanted them sucking on her. Gwen had just reached her when Merlin´s natural clumsiness kicked in.

The hem of her dress caught on a low shelf at the same time as she turned so she went flying and took Gwen down with her. They landed in a mass of skirts and limbs.

"Oh Gwen, I am so, so sorry."

Merlin said as she tried to get herself and the Queen up from the floor. Gwen just laughed at her silliness while she helped her get the leeches off her. When the last one was in the bucket, Gwen took a seat on her chair while Merlin went back to the tank.

They talked a little back and forth about everything and anything but Gwen had yet to bring up what Merlin knew she was there for.

"Ehm… Merlin? How did… what I mean is…"

Gwen trailed off there and looked nervously at Merlin who was smirking at her over her shoulder.

"Yeah Gwen? What is it that you mean?"

"How did you and Mordred even get together, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Haha. Well, I don't really know how we got together but I think that, basically it was just Mordred being stubborn and just cornering me at every opportunity he could find until I stopped fighting him on it. And he gave me the most beautiful flowers when I was recovering from my fall down the stairs. Gwaine actually convinced me to give it a go when I was not sure about it."

She worked with a little smile on her face at the memories. And she found that it was a little weird the way they had gotten together but then what else could be expected with who they were.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes, I do. I didn't at first though, back then it was just lust."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"I guess. What is it you want to know?"

"Mordred was born a druid, wasn't he?"

Merlin had a felling she knew where this was going but she would not be able to answer that question.

"He was. But Gwen, as you know, not all druids have magic. So don't ask me something I can't answer."

Merlin realized that she finished cleaning the tank without even noticing it. She put all her cleaning supplies away. When she was done, she picked up the note Gaius had left for her.

"Just go out and find the herbs. I´ll get someone to come fill the tank back up."

Merlin smiled gratefully at Gwen as it was pure torture to walk up and down the stairs as many times as it would take to get all the water that was needed to fill up the tank. She was just about to leave when she remembered something. She turned to Gwen.

"It was really nice talking to you Gwen. But ehm… Could you not mention our conversation to Arthur? Or anyone else for that matter?"

Gwen smiled that sweet smile at her that won everybody who didn't like her over.

"It was nice talking to you too Merlin. It has been too long since we did that. And I will not tell anybody about it. Now get going."

The next morning, she was out in the courtyard saying goodbye to the knights who were getting ready to leave. Percival had given her a big hug just before he left and told her to stay out of trouble, she had answered that she could not promise him anything since trouble had a tendency to find her.

Then it was Leon´s turn to say goodbye to her. He came over to her with a smile on his face. It was kind of nice to have all of the original Knights of the Round Table looking at her like a sister, but it also made it harder to use magic to save their asses when they kept looking to see if she was alright.

He gave her a small hug as he always did when he was going out on a patrol without her. He was always so nervous for her it seemed. That could also be the reason he had tried, and failed, to teach her sword fighting. When it had been clear that she just wasn't capable of it, he had taught her to fight with knives. That had been a much bigger success. If she got into a knife fight she had a high chance of coming out on top but she did not really like it. It was too violent for her.

Gwaine stopped in front of her with his arms crossed and a glare on his face. She smiled innocently at him and blinked her eyes multiple times to show that she had no idea why he was cross at her.

"I spent two hours yesterday trying to convince the princess that you were just kidding about me being your lover. You should thank me for not telling him who is when he moved on from the belief that it was me and onto the fact that I know who it is. But that is probably just because I'm sure the two of you would come up with a way to turn all the ale I touch into water. Oh no."

Merlin´s smile grew impossible big at the suggestion he made.

"And I thank you for not telling Gwaine. Really I do. But I also thank you so much for that idea for the next time you do something really stupid. But you have to be going now. I´ll see you in about two weeks' time."

He might be a little irritated at her but she got hugged close to him anyway before he went to his horse and got on. Then he and the other knights were on their way.

It was three days later when a messenger from one of the druid clans came. Merlin was standing behind the throne so that she was on Arthur´s right side. Both he and Gwen sat tall, waiting for the messenger to enter, to the sides stood a couple of knights and the lords from the high counsel. The doors opened up and in came a small figure covered from head to toe in a dark brown cloak. Merlin frowned at that since almost all the druids she had met had worn green.

She felt magic from the person within the cloak, it wasn't much but it was there.

"_I thought druids wore green to symbolize their connection with the earth and forest. Why would this one wear brown?"_

"_Some of the clans wear brown for only the earth. But I did not know there were some of those within two weeks hard ride of here."_

As they had talked, the cloaked druid had made it to the throne and had bowed to the King and Queen.

"My King, my Queen, I greet you from my clan and may you be in good health."

Merlin saw Mordred frown at the still bowing druid whose voice announced that it was a woman.

"Rise and we thank you for your greeting and may you also be in good health. If you would kindly remove your hood so we may see who we are talking to."

The druid woman rose and threw her hood back. She had dark curls reaching just past her shoulders and bright blue eyes. But Merlin did not really see that as she heard Mordred draw in a quick breath.

"Kara?"


	13. Chapter 13

**_Sorry for the wait. It´s a crazy week for me and the great girl who works to fix my mistankes._**

Chapter 13

Merlin was storming through the forest partly in rage and partly in jealously and pain. Okay, if she was honest, it was only a very small part rage. But the jealousy and pain she felt was all-consuming. She felt her magic flooding out of her but she did not care. Nor did she care that her magic mixed with her pain caused all the plant life it touched to wither and die.

That girl, that Kara had showed up the day before and she had barely seen Mordred since then. But she had seen him a couple of times and each time he had been walking with the druid girl somewhere or other. When he had come to bed she was sleeping and when she got up he was gone again, the only way she knew he had even been there was because the clothes he had on the day before were on the back of one of his chairs.

She had been in Gaius´s chambers very briefly that morning and he had basically thrown her out because she was angry, rude, and quite sullen. In other words, she was very jealous. But what really made him throw her out was when she was looking out the window and saw Mordred and Kara laughing in the courtyard.

All the glasses on the three near shelves blew into glass dust and slowly fell to the ground.

She remembered what little he had told her about Kara. That she had been in one of the clans he had been with for a while and they had gotten close. Just how close that was, she had never thought to ask him. Now she wished that she had asked him.

Even through her pain she felt Mordred´s magic through the forest. When she felt after it, she felt Kara´s magic coming from the same direction. Merlin´s eyes became small slits with rage as she started to pull in her magic, she almost had it in when she imagined finding Mordred and Kara kissing or worse and it spiraled out of control for her again.

Her eyes started to tear up and she went to sit against a tree that turned black before it turned white as it died. Merlin pulled her legs up to her chest and folded her arms over them, in her arms she buried her head as her fears started to fade a little bit. Her thin frame started to shake with her sobs.

The sky above her, that had been promising rain all day, opened up and cried with her. Lightning struck not far from her but she didn´t notice any of it, neither did she notice that she got soaked through in a matter of seconds.

"MERLIN!"

The ground shook underneath her as the great dragon landed in front of her. She looked up at Killgarrah with blurry eyes. He looked back at her with sorrow filled yellow eyes.

"What is the matter young witch?"

She told him about her relationship with Mordred, the trial run, and about Kara who had just shown up and made Mordred forget all about her. Killgarrah looked to the skies.

"Nothing is ever as it seems Merlin. But you have to calm down before you tear the kingdom apart. You can't afford to be so affected; with the connection you have with the land it feels your pain and answers to it."

Merlin turned her head upwards so the rain hit her face. She took several deep breaths before the rain felt like a soft caress on her face instead of little knives, the constant lightning stopped and she could almost feel the earth underneath her let out a sigh of relief.

"I have to get back to the castle. But thank you for listening to me Killgarrah. Be safe until I see you again, my kin."

"Remember what I said Merlin. Nothing is ever as it seems. And you to young witch."

Merlin got up from the forest floor at the same time as Killgarrah took off in the skies. When Merlin made it back into the city, she was shivering with cold and covered in mud as she had slipped and fallen over several times. She opened the door to Gaius´s chambers and stepped in. Gaius and Gwen turned to her as she closed the door behind her. Gwen gasped as she saw her.

"Merlin what happened to you?"

She asked as she worried over to her and started pushing her to the door which led to her small room.

"Gaius, could you get some servants to fetch a hot bath for her, please?"

No matter how cold Merlin was, she still thought it was quite funny how Gwen started to act like she was the physician instead of Gaius. When she was all the way into her room Gwen practically started to rip her clothes over her head. When she stood naked in the middle of the room Gwen packed her into a blanket and placed her on the side of her bed while she went on a rampage through her drawers to find some dry clothes.

"You really shouldn´t be out in this weather. It just came out of nowhere, I know but it has been dark all day. Now put those on while your bath is being brought up."

Before Merlin even knew what had happened, she was naked again and pushed into the bath which was way too hot considering how cold she was, so she let out a shriek of pain and tried to get out of the water but Gwen would have none of that so Merlin got pushed in again.

"Now you just sit still and let me get you clean. Unless you would rather it was Gaius who saw all the love bites, which by the way are all over you."

At that Merlin sat still as Gwen scrubbed her down and washed her hair free of mud.

"You should not be doing this Gwen. It is not fitting for a Queen to bathe servants."

"That may very well be true but you are my best friend and you need it. Besides, I came here to talk to you."

Merlin looked up at her from under the mess of hair sticking to her face. She did not want to talk about it. She knew what Gwen wanted to talk about and she had absolutely no intention of doing so.

"Please don't Gwen. I don't want to talk about it."

She apparently had so much pain on her face and in her voice that Gwen actually listened to her, because she got a sympathetic look on her face.

"Merlin, I don't think it is as bad as you think. He loves you. He just hasn't seen his friend in many years, so of course he wants to spend time with her before she leaves again. What is it you are afraid of?"

"What if he loves her more than he does me? What if when she leaves he goes with her?"

She asked Gwen in a small voice. Just the thought of Mordred leaving her made new tears roll down her cheeks.

"I have seen the way he looks at you Merlin. There is no way that he could love anyone as much as he loves you. And as for the leaving part, Merlin, Mordred is a knight of Camelot. He can't just up and leave as he swore an oath to Arthur and to Camelot."

Merlin knew deep down that she was right. From where she was sitting she could see the flowers he had given her, and it still seemed like every time she saw them they had grown a little bigger and brighter. But she also knew that love wasn't rational.

"Well, I had better go find Arthur. See you later Merlin and don't fret too much okay."

Merlin felt like she was being pulled into her magic the more she relaxed into the bath still shaking a little.

"… Arthur is a good man… You don't belong in Camelot Mordred... "

The further she sank down in her magic the more she could hear of a conversation she had no business being privy too. But she still only heard parts of it no matter how hard she tried to hear more.

"… You could leave with me. I have friends…"

Merlin lost a focus a little at the words she heard but quickly got herself together again.

"… Emrys will create. They are already doing it don't you see? What hold does this place have on you Mordred? We could be family again. I love you… always be my family Kara but I don't love you like that. There was a time I did, but back then you didn't love me. I am in love with someone here and she loves me. She knows me Kara…"

Merlin felt her heart break as Kara confessed her love but it soared with Mordred telling her he loved someone else.

"… you love so much that you have forgotten me? I love Emrys… You have met her? Who is she?"

Merlin became a little apprehensive at her tone. She knew that she was somewhat of a legend with the druids but most of them knew who she was the second they saw her, she did not want him to tell her who she was. It was possible it was just her jealousy talking but she still did not want her to know.

"… It doesn't matter who she is. I love her. Let's get back to the castle. You have that meeting with the king…"

With that Merlin pulled out of the magic trance and got out of the water.

Merlin stood by Arthurs´s side as she waited for Kara to come in to the meeting so it could begin.

"Merlin, I think it is time for you to tell me who he is. I tell you just about everything. Gwen told me that she knows but won't tell me out of courtesy for you and the fact that you probably told her not to tell me. She also said that you were crying over him earlier. How am I going to tell him to treat you right if I don't know who he is?"

"I was just being silly earlier but Gwen set me straight. I just don't know if you will understand and I don't want that. So please Arthur, let me do this in my own time okay?"

Arthur never had the chance to answer as Kara stepped in with Mordred behind her. An unseen wind blew through the room as Merlin glared a little at Kara but smiled a timid smile at Mordred. But even her magic was a little angry with Mordred for the way he was with Kara.

"_What is it my love? Are you by any chance jealous? Your magic is screaming at me that you are. You have no reason to be. I love you more than anything, you know that."_

"_Yes I am jealous. I have barely seen you since she showed up, and when I do, there she is. I know and I love you too but I can´t help being jealous like you were with Gwaine."_

"_I still don't like that Gwaine touches you all the time."_

They both snapped out of their conversation when they heard Morgana´s name being mentioned.

"… Morgana offers. Hand over Emrys and your Queen will be spared, otherwise she will kill you all. You will never unite magic and non-magic folk. Long live Queen Morgana Pendragon!"

Kara´s hand went under her cloak to draw out a dagger and before Arthur could even duck she had thrown it at him. Just as Merlin felt her magic rise to the surface, Mordred put his arm in front of him towards the King as the knife were almost at him.

"Culter, ic pe hate!"

Kara turned furious eyes on Mordred and her pretty face turned ugly with hatred as she sneered at him.

"You traitor! You think that his kind will ever accept ours? You and your precious Emrys will bow down before Morgana! Astrice!"

She raised her hand so it was pointed at Mordred as she yelled her command; Mordred threw out his arm at the same time.

"Oferswinge!"

Kara went flying into a pillar at the other end of the room. She hit with a dull sound and slid down to a lump on the floor.

Merlin stared at Mordred with big eyes. He had just exposed himself in front of Arthur. Mordred turned around to face her and Arthur with a look of pain and guilt on his face. The reasons for both looks were clear, the pain was for hurting someone he thought of as family and he had not yet told Arthur of his magic.

"My lord I am…"

He did not have time to say anything more as the guards pushed open the door and ran in. They took in the sight of a slightly pale King, a solemn knight, a maid with wide eyes, and the druid who was waking up.

"Sire?"

"Arrest her for attempting to assassinate the King."

Arthur said to them but when they went to her she threw her hands up and they were sent flying back into a wall. The druid girl glared at Mordred before she let her eyes fall on Merlin just long enough for all of them to notice.

"I know your secret Mordred! You love Merlin, and that makes her your weakness. Morgana will hear of your treachery and I have found out something more at my stay here. I know the identity of which Emrys goes by and so shall Morgana. Did you think I wouldn't hear you talking to her? Bedyrene Ic! Astyre Ic thanonweard."

Kara disappeared in a whirlwind of smoke. Arthur turned to his guards who were getting on their feet.

"Double the guard but don't spread panic, I don't want anyone to know about this."

He then looked at Merlin and Mordred.

"As for you two, you are coming with me right now as we apparently have something to discuss."

Merlin and Mordred fell into step behind the King.

As they were walking to the King and Queen´s chamber Merlin felt through her magic how devastated Mordred felt. She felt it like it was her own friend who had betrayed her. The pain of losing an old friend to evil was crushing on the soul; it tore you apart from the inside out.

"_I am so sorry Mordred."_

"_Thanks Merlin."_

"_I know it doesn't lessen the pain of losing a friend but you´ll always have me."_

She felt him chuckle a hollow laugh and it broke her heart to hear him like that. She just wanted to hold him and say that it would all be okay even if it was a lie. As that was impossible, she did what little she could, she reached out and intertwined their fingers. Mordred looked at their hands and up to her, his eyes then went to Arthur and back to her in a questioning manner.

"_What are you doing my love? He will know."_

"_I think he already does Mordred. Kara almost right out told him about us, and quite frankly, I don't care anymore. One of the main reasons why people couldn't know was so Morgana wouldn't find out and she is going to know very soon anyway."_

The smile he sent her made her heart beat faster as it shone with his love and appreciation that she would tell everybody about them just because he needed her.

"_She will also know who you are. We will have to keep an eye out for anything out of the ordinary."_

The people they passed looked at Mordred and Merlin with big eyes.

Arthur looked back at the couple and saw their hands and glared at Mordred before he frowned at Merlin. They had reached their destination and Arthur went in before them, they stopped for a second before they went in after him. Gwen was sitting at the table with some papers in front of her that she apparently had been reading. She looked up when they came in.

"What happened? I thought that you were in a meeting with Kara?"

Arthur sat down in a chair and rubbed his face with his hands. Merlin and Mordred went over to the chairs on the side on the table closest to the door. Gwen looked at their hands and smiled a big smile at them only to turn back to Arthur with a concerned look on her face.

"I was in a meeting with Kara and these two were there to. It turned out that she wasn't here as a representative for a druid clan but as a messenger for Morgana. She wants us to hand over someone named Emrys and she will spare your life, otherwise she will bring a war to us. She then threw a dagger at me but Mordred here apparently has magic and stopped her."

Gwen looked mortified at the thought that someone had tried to kill her husband in their own home yet again.

"She proceeded to call Mordred a traitor and said that Merlin is his weakness because he loves her, and that she knows the identity of this Emrys, then she disappeared in a whirlwind of smoke. So Mordred, why didn't you tell me you have magic? And who is Emrys? And just how did you get together with Merlin?"


	14. Chapter 14

_**The ones of you who are still with me on this should be sainted or at the very least get a knighthood. I mean I read over some of the first chapter the other day and holy crap! Why did you not just leave again right away? There is so many mistakes that I felt like being sick. However, the lovely Mica is looking it over in between the new chapters and she can find the time to do it. **_

_**I salute you for staying with me through all the mistakes. **_

Chapter 14

The last was said with a glare that would have made many men shake in their boots but to Mordred´s credit he didn't even blink.

"Which question do you want answered first my lord?"

"The one that's had me worrying for the longest. How did you get together with Merlin and not even think to ask me if it was okay to do so?"

Merlin jumped up at what he said.

"What do you mean without asking you? You have no say in this matter. It is about Mordred and me; it has nothing to do with you."

"_Merlin. Please. Sit down and remember he thinks of you like a sister."_

Merlin ignored Mordred and kept glaring at Arthur.

"Merlin. _Please?"_

Merlin tore her eyes from Arthur to send an irritated look at Mordred, but she sat back down. Arthur and Gwen were staring at them with open mouths. Arthur gathered himself first.

"How did you do that? She never listens to me like that."

Mordred just smirked and shrugged a shoulder.

"What can I say? She loves me. And I am sorry I did not come to you but like she said: it´s not really any of your concern. But I do plan to marry her one day, if she will have me."

He smiled a big smile at Merlin when she took his hand and smiled at him. The way Gwen was looking at them spoke volumes of how sweet she thought they were.

"But…"

"Arthur, stay out of it."

"But Gwen..."

"No stay out of it."

Arthur sent a mock glare at his wife before he rubbed his face in his hands and sighed.

"Fine. But if you hurt her…"

He let the rest of the threat hang in the air but Mordred just nodded at him. Merlin felt a little put out that she apparently had nothing to say in this conversation that would have any meaning what so ever.

"And as for not telling you about my magic, I didn't really think about it as I haven't really used it in years. It is easier to hide it if you don't really use it."

"Did Merlin know of it? She did, didn't she? She did not look all too surprised back there."

"I am here to and can answer for myself. Yes I knew. I´ve known since the time we saved him when he was a kid."

Arthur looked at her with a slightly put out expression.

"And you never once thought to tell me?"

Gwen had apparently also had enough of being excluded from the conversation and just put in the back ground.

"What good would it have done if she had told you? None, so it doesn't matter. Now, the last question if you please. Who is this Emrys?"

Merlin tensed a little but relaxed when Mordred held her hand tighter in a calming manner.

"Emrys is a legend of my people. She is the most powerful witch who ever had or ever will walk the earth."

Gwen and Arthur looked confused at Mordred, and Merlin couldn't really blame them. It was not very much information and she did not think Arthur would accept it.

"Why would she tell us to hand her over? Is she trying to get her on her side?"

Mordred gave a small laugh at that.

"Emrys would rather die than work with Morgana and Morgana knows that. Emrys is the only one that Morgana truly fears. She doesn't even want her on her side, as Emrys is fated to be her doom so she wants to kill her. Emrys lives and works in Camelot. She has done so for many years now."

"Why does she fear her other than because she is fated to kill her? You make it sound like it is more than that. She lives in Camelot? Why? Can´t Morgana make a deal with her so that she stays out of her way? And if she lives here and is so powerful then why has she never attacked us?"

Mordred looked like he was thinking things over and Merlin was starting to get a little bored but at the same time it fascinated her the way Mordred was talking about her. It sounded like he was in awe of her.

"Because Emrys has more power in one finger than Morgana does in her whole body, Emrys doesn't have magic. She is magic! She lives here because her friends live here. Her life is here and her destiny is to protect Camelot and the once and future King. Morgana could never offer her anything that could make her betray all that she loves. She has always fought Morgana since she turned evil and protected Camelot as she best could."

"The once and future King? What does that mean? How does she protect Camelot? I mean, she can´t be very good at it. If she has so much power, why doesn't she just kill her? "

"The once and future King is a legendary figure who is very real none the less. He is said to unite all the lands of Albion and create a peaceful future for magic and non-magic folk alike. You are the once and future King, but some of the clans don't believe it so they fight against you. And she protects Camelot and her people with all she has and is. Emrys hates to kill. She only does it when there is no other option. Morgana has a habit of making it difficult for her."

Merlin felt like glaring at Arthur for basically calling her bad at what she did. If he knew how many times she had saved his pratish ass, he might say differently. But she wanted to kiss Mordred for standing up for her like that but had to settle with sending a burst of love to him.

"Difficult how?"

"Your father. Emrys really did try to save him, but Morgana had Agravaine place a talisman on him that reversed the healing she did."

Arthur stood up and started to pace the room. He stopped more than once to look at Mordred with a frown. He stopped and went over to the table and placed his hands on it so he was in front of Mordred.

"How do you know this? And that Dolma person is Emrys?"

"I know because she was told me. And yes before you ask. I know who she is and I am not going to tell you as she isn´t ready for you to know her. Yes, she is Dolma but at the same time she isn´t. The Dolma is a disguise."

"Okay I need some time to think about this. Merlin, go do your chores. Mordred, I want to talk to you _alone_!"

Merlin glared at Arthur but left through the door and went for the kitchen to get Arthur his dinner. When he had things to think about he liked to eat alone and she knew Gwen had promised some Noble woman that she would dine with her.

"_How much is he threatening you?"_

"_Not too much. He is just reminding me that all the knights see you as a sister, a baby sister. Merlin? I am very sorry about Kara. She was not at all like that when she was younger. She used to be so full of life and warmth. I can´t help but wonder what happened to her."_

"_They will probably give you hell about it in training."_

She felt him cringe at the mental image of what they would probably do to him.

"_I am very sorry that Kara has become what she has. But it was her choice. Maybe it is my fault that Morgana is getting so many allies. I should have tried long ago to make Arthur see sense but the timing has always been off for it."_

"_Merlin it is not your fault. Are you coming to my chambers later… I…"_

Merlin could feel how uncomfortable it still made Mordred feel to let her know that he needed her sometimes. It was one thing that he needed her sexually but that he needed her emotionally was another matter entirely.

"_You don't have to say it. I will always be there for you when you need me and even when you don't. Are you still with Arthur?"_

"_Yes and he knows I am talking to you. Well not Merlin you but Emrys you. He wants to know why you don't want him to know you."_

She smiled a little at that. Arthur was not as stupid as he looked but she did what she could to make sure his ego did not get too big. It was really hard work but it was worth it. It was how she had subtly, okay not at all subtly, made sure he stopped being such an ass. Now he was just an ass, a clotpole, a prat, or whatever she felt like calling him at the time.

"_I figured he wouldn't just let it go but he did not want Gwen to be mad at him. Just tell him that too many things are at stake for him to know."_

He was so predictable.

"_He is not pleased."_

"_No, I don't suppose he is. But never the less it could really complicate things. People already had thoughts about you having magic with you being a druid. But me? I can go anywhere and people still talk, even if I am the Kings servant and his friend, they know I won't tell. And it also helps that everyone sees me as stupid."_

Merlin actually hated how everyone saw her as stupid but if that was what it took, for now she could handle it. Her friends knew she wasn't as stupid as Arthur made her out to be but even they didn't think she was anything special as in things she could do.

They knew she was special in her own way but she still longed for a time where they knew she could take care of herself. But she hoped that when that day came, they would not look at her differently just because she had magic. She might not be as useless as they thought but she was still accident prone, that she did not think would ever change and somewhere in her hoped it wouldn't. It made sure she stayed down to earth even though she had enough power to crumble mountains.

"_I know what you mean. Well, I have been dismissed for now so I will retire to my chambers. See you later my love."_

Merlin was back at Arthur´s chambers with his dinner and she had talked the cook into giving her an extra plate as she had a feeling that Arthur was going to want to talk to her. She used her elbow to open the door knob and her hip to push it open.

Arthur was standing at the window looking out with a very thoughtful expression on his face, but did not react to her closing the door. She sat the tray with food and wine on the table and placed Arthur´s plate by his preferred chair and the plate for herself at one of the others. She looked to Arthur, who had still not moved at all.

"Sire the dinner is served."

Arthur gave a little jump and Merlin realized that he had actually not heard her moving about. He turned to her and glared a little at the amused smile she was sending his way. He sat down and started to eat when he saw the other plate and Merlin sitting down. He raised an eyebrow at her.

"What do you think you are doing Merlin?"

Merlin picked up her fork and pointed it at the King.

"Well, you are probably going to chew me out over Mordred and I might as well eat to since I am hungry. So let me have it Sire."

Arthur mock glared at her for a moment before sighing as Merlin just ate.

"Okay then. Why Mordred? I mean, you have had plenty of men looking your way and most of them you have just ignored. It´s not that I'm not happy for you, I am actually very happy for you. For the last couple of years it has been like you have been depressed and you seem happier now."

That was a good question and she needed a moment to think it over. Why was Mordred different? She had tried making it work with one or two of the stable hands and one other servant. The knights and those of higher rank had never held any appeal to her. In the end, she had no clue, other than he loved her and could relate to her. He knew who she was and it didn't change how he felt in any way. But that was not the total truth either. She just loved him and couldn't really say why. He was Mordred.

"I am happier now. I love him. He makes me smile and loves me for me. You know the clumsy, idiotic, maid servant. I have been kind of down I guess. You had Gwen and who did I have other than the knights? Yes I know that I had you and Gaius but that is not by any stretch of the imagination the same."

Arthur was smiling a little at her but also had a little frown on his face like there was something else he was thinking about.

"And the fact that he has magic doesn't bother you at all?"

Merlin felt like bursting out laughing at him at the question. Of course it didn't bother her, she loved it. It made them more compatible in a way. She had found out by experience that she could not be with a non-magic person as her magic didn't feel comfortable or safe with them.

"No, why should it? You know that I don't believe all magic is bad. It is the person who uses it that can be either good or bad."

"And what of this Emrys? What do think about that? Don't look at me like that. I know that there is a brain in that head of yours and I am starting to think that you might not be as stupid as you like people to think you are."

They were both done eating but stayed seated at the table. Merlin thought of how she could answer that satisfactorily but still not tell too much while also feeling the need to tell him not to use her. And of course she wasn't as dumb as he thought; it was actually really hard work to keep that image up.

"Emrys? She could be a powerful ally but I think you should be very careful not to use her for her powers, as I really don't think she would stand for it."

"Really? What have made you think that?"

Merlin smirked at Arthur at the end of it. He really wasn't as oblivious as he sometimes seemed to be.

"You are probably right. This is what I mean. You sound like you know exactly what you are talking about, you give advises that are far from dumb time to time. Of course there are times where it makes no sense what you say."

Okay so maybe he was as oblivious as he seemed at times. Merlin felt a little insulted because when had she ever given bad advice? It wasn't her fault that things didn't go according to plan, except for hunting as that always, okay almost always, went according to plan. Just not Arthur´s plans.

"I will have you know that all I say has merit. You are just too much of a clotpole to listen half the time."

Arthur picked up a potato and threw it at her and she only just managed to pull her head out of the way in time. She sent him a rude smile when she delivered the comeback she thought was just the right amount of insolent, but still very appropriate considering that he was the one trying to start a food fight.

"Don't throw the food, even if you are full, it´s not fitting for a King."

"Merlin, just get out of here would you? I will get someone else to take the rest of the dinner down. I am sure Gaius has heard about Mordred by now. By the way Merlin, do you know how much power Mordred has compared to Morgana?"

Merlin had just gotten up and turned to leave but whirled back to face him with a furious look on her face and only just able to hold on to her magic. Arthur was wearing a startled look on his face at her outburst. Merlin might not lose her temper often but when she did it was a sight to behold.

"Don't you dare think about using him against her! He might be able to hold his own against her but in the long run she would kill him so don't you dare!"

"Calm down would you. That wasn't what I was thinking at all."

Merlin did not believe him for one second as he looked very guilty and ashamed. She could deal with the fact that he risked her life on countless, pointless quests as it was her life. He was not going to use Mordred as a weapon because she would never allow him to be used like that by someone he respected.

"No? Then what was it?"

Arthur didn't say anything to that but did not keep eye contact with Merlin. Merlin probed his mind a bit like Mordred had taught her one night when they were extremely bored, she never really did it as she didn't like it but this she felt this was important. She found that he had thought about it like she suspected but that he had no intension of going through with it.

He was actually a little weary of her. She probed a bit deeper and pulled out because while her eyes did not glow when she probed in his mind she was oozing so much power that even Arthur felt that something in the room had changed, like the status quo had changed.

She rarely used so much power that it oozed off of her but Mordred had once told her, after begging her to let go, that it felt like she was the single most powerful and terrifying thing in the world, which she was but she didn't want that kind of power, the kind that could make people tremble in fear at the mere sight of her.

"I mean it Arthur. Don't do it. You would regret it."

She would never hurt him directly but if he did decide to do it she would fight him tooth and nail if that was what it took. She didn't really fear that Morgana would kill Mordred but she did fear that being used like that would make him bitter towards the King.

"Just go Merlin."

Merlin could hear that he was trying not to let her know that she had put him out of sorts, but did not manage to hide it. But never the less she bowed deeply to him.

"As you wish, my lord."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Mordred´s pov.

She was so beautiful when she was sleeping. Not that she was not when she was awake but when she slept, she had this unearthly glow about her, and she was a goddess in a human body. Yet somehow, she loved him. Him! Mordred, the druid man who was destined to kill her best friend, their king, and yet she still found it in her heart to love him. He doubted he would ever understand that choice but he had decided that he didn't need to understand why she loved him, for him it was enough that she did.

Mordred was lying in bed in the early morning before he had to go on a patrol with Leon and Percival. He was going to be missing Emrys, but it was only for a few days so it could be worse. It would have been worse if Arthur had not been so unexpectedly accepting of his magic and had banished him, if that had happened he had no idea what he would have done. Camelot was his home now, his friends were all there and most importantly, Emrys was there.

He had been so fascinated with her when he was a child, the great and powerful Emrys. It turned to awe when he met her the first time; she had been kind to him in her own way. However, all that awe and fascination turned to hate and obsession after she tried to have him killed. He hated everything she stood for and found out all he could about her as to find her weak spot for the next time he met her.

In the meantime, he moved around a lot. Never stayed in a place for too long, but that had all changed when he had settled down with the clan that Kara was in. She had been his redeeming feature, so how she had turned evil he would probably never know or even understand. She had brought back the light in him; the light that he thought had died with Emrys´ betrayal. Kara had taught him that all Emrys did she did for a reason, for her destiny, for Arthur.

Kara had believed in the future Emrys would create with the once and future king, so what had changed? Had she lost hope? On the other hand, had Morgana twisted her mind somehow? He did not know and it tore him apart because he had loved her with all his heart even if she had only loved him as a brother. He had left when he could not stand to be there anymore and be with her. Somehow, he had ended up a mercenary, he still was not quite sure how that had happened but he was eternally grateful it had, because it brought him to Emrys.

He had thought he was over his hate of her but seeing her dragged behind the wagon had given him a sick form of pleasure, but as she stumbled behind it, he saw her clearer than he ever had before. She was young even if she were older than him, she was still young, and when you are young you make mistakes so he had forgiven her even if a small part of him had still been bitter at her.

She was the second most beautiful woman he had ever seen, as no one could Morgana beat in beauty. However, if you looked on the inside, Emrys was as bright and beautiful as the sun whereas Morgana was withered, dead, and cold like an old oak tree.

Somewhere along the road to Ismere and the way back to Camelot he had started to fall for her, at first it had just been a crush tainted with bitterness but the bitterness slowly faded away.

The first time Mordred had cornered Merlin he had just wanted some answers but the second he had felt her body against his he had wanted her, and he had wanted her badly. He had not cornered her with the intention of sexually assaulting her but he felt like he had almost done that. At the moment it happened, he had felt ashamed of how good it felt to have her in his power but he had also quickly noticed that she had liked it.

He loved how strong she was and how she trusted him, he loved how fully she committed herself to every little thing she did. He still couldn't say exactly when he had started to feel a real love for her as it had kind of snuck up on him but he wouldn't change it for the world, for as long as he had her he had all he would ever need.

Mordred was pulled out of his thoughts by the warm body that was pressed against his side started to move. Merlin´s eyes opened and looked completely unfocused for a moment before they slowly started to focus on him. He felt the corner of his lips lift up as she smiled at him; she always had that effect on him. If she smiled at him, he could not help but smile back.

"Good morning, my love. You are awake early."

She stretched against him so he could feel her breasts push against him as her whole body arched.

"I am? Well that is new. That must be because you are going away for a few days, so I want to say goodbye before you go. How long is it till you have to get out of bed?"

"I actually have to get up now so I can meet up with Leon and Percival in the courtyard at dawn. So I am sorry to say that it is going to be a very short goodbye without any of the fun parts but lots of the boringly sad parts."

He hated saying goodbye even if it was just for the day and now he had to say goodbye for a few days. He had said goodbye too many times in his life but most of them had been a forever goodbye. Merlin put on a little pout so he started to laugh at her as he maneuvered himself out of the bed. When he had put his clothes on, he went back to the bed and sat on the edge.

"Now don't do anything stupid like climbing the outside of the castle okay? I love you Merlin."

"I love you too Mordred. I´ll see you in a few days. Take care and stay safe."

He smiled at her before he kissed her.

"You do that, you get into so much more trouble than I do."

Neither Leon nor Percival said much about the fact that he was with Merlin but they did let him know that if he hurt her they would hunt him down, and make him wish he were stillborn. They, however, did congratulate him when he told them that he had practically asked her to marry him and she had said yes even without an actual proposal.

Just the thought that she would one day be his wife almost made him giddy with joy. Okay, the only thing that kept him from wearing a big silly grin was the fact that he was with the knights. The only ones he was comfortable being completely himself with were Merlin and Gwaine to a certain point. Yes, he considered the knights his friends but Gwaine was really the only one of them who really knew him.

He might have hated the charming knight when he thought that he had Merlin in his bed, but when he found out that was not the case he had taken the time to get to know the man Merlin loved like an older brother. While Gwaine still flirted with Merlin, he knew that it was just the way Gwaine was. Sure, it still bothered him a bit but not at all like it had done at first.

It was around midmorning in the second day out that they ran onto trouble. Mordred had been so far away in his own little depression over the link that connected him to Merlin no longer being felt due to distance. It was probably why they had chosen that day to attack as Morgana was with them. He never felt any of them before him, Leon, and Percival were on the ground bound and gagged by magic.

Morgana came over to him; she bent down so she could look him in the eyes.

"Mordred, Kara tells me you really have betrayed me. Nevertheless, not to worry, I will make you see the light. I would have thought my dear brother would have banished you because of your magic but here you are, still a knight of Camelot and loyal to the King who has killed so many of our kind. Do not worry about your little playmates here. They have to get back to Camelot and tell Emrys that you are now mine."

Mordred was hit in the back of the head and he passed out from the hard blow. When he came to, he found that he was tied to the back of a horse, which was moving at a slow pace. In front of them he could make out a dark castle like structure and it seemed they were heading right at it. The daylight was fading so he had been out most of the day.

Morgana was riding in the front of the group which, from what he could see, consisted of about 16 Saxons. Only she would be stupid enough to work with them as everyone knew that the Saxons were vicious and only in it for the fight.

The Lady Morgana he had known when he was but a child had been kind and loving whereas this Morgana was just the opposite and he felt sorry for her and happy that he had turned down that path. Nevertheless, he feared a little what she would do with him now that she has taking him off to who knew where, to do who knew what to him.

He tried with all his might to make the link to Merlin stronger so he could tell her himself as he was quite sure her reaction to the news would most likely be bad. What if the future where he would kill Arthur was coming true? He knew there were ways to make people do your bidding and the very thought of Morgana using one of them on him was not pleasant. He could betray everything he believed in without even meaning to do so.

Morgana must have felt his magic trying to reach out because she stopped the horses and turned towards him with a smirk.

"We are way out of even Emrys´ reach so don't waste your strength trying. I am going to kill your precious little Merlin. How a servant could ever be Emrys is beyond me. And Merlin? That girl can never do anything right, she couldn't even kill me when she had the chance."

He glared at her with cold eyes, as he would not give her the satisfaction of answering her. He did not even know if he were still unable to even answer her but did not see the point of even trying as he had found people got a little tentative when he just watched them and not spoke. It was also a great way to learn what made people tick so to say.

"But you, my dear Mordred, you are going to help me get what is rightfully mine. You are going to kill Arthur for me."

Mordred felt his blood run cold at the information. He would rather die than kill Arthur and hurt Merlin that way. He was her best friend and her destiny, but even if it were not so he still would not do it as Arthur was his friend.

"Kara is looking forward to seeing you again you know. Why you could not just take her up on her offer I do not know. Of course the offer of being with you was a last resort if you would not come freely but you just had to have fallen out of love with her. However, it does not matter, as you will do what I want in the end. Moreover, as I have a feeling you will not do it voluntarily, I have decided to skip the whole thing about what you would have to gain from it."

They had reached the dark castle where Mordred was led to an old dusty room, with only a bed and a wardrobe. Had it not been for the company and absence of Merlin he would have felt right at home since he did not need much.

He was led to the center of the room where he was unbound and ungagged. He just looked at Morgana as she stood in the door looking back at him. He ignored his limbs that were burning at the sensation of being bound in place for so long with no chance of moving.

"Do the both of us a favor and don't do anything stupid like trying to escape, it would not do anything good as you would not get away. I will be back in the morning and give you a special gift of mine."

She smiled a cruel smile at him but he tried not to let her know it unsettled him; however she saw right through him, he could see it in her eyes. The satisfaction glowed in her because she had him right where she wanted him, with her in her dark castle of death.

Mordred just kept staring at her even as she left and locked the door behind her. He stood looking at the door for a while before looking around the room to take it in fully; it had a small window which he found looked out over the forest, other than that is was dark wood the sparse furniture was made of and in general the room had a dark and depressing feel to it.

He would not try to escape but not because of fear for Morgana but more that, he knew he would not get far anyway. Not many had the talent he had; he was one of few who were able to feel the magic in others around him and in this castle there were many magic users but none of them felt friendly in the least. Therefore, he had to stay and see this through.

He could only hope that when Merlin found out what had happened she would not do something that would get her killed. At the same time, he hoped she would find a way to undo whatever it was that Morgana had planned for him, as he really did not want to be her puppet.

How he wished that he was back home in Camelot now, lying in bed with Merlin at his side; her head on his shoulder, a leg over one of his and her slim fingers drawing little nonsense symbols on his chest, while he played with her long beautiful hair that always got in her way. He went over to the bed as he figured he might as well try to get a little sleep, even though he doubted he would get any.

He had not been lying on the bed long when he felt the ground shake slightly under the castle, it was not very much but it was enough to tell him that Merlin now knew what had happened. He could not even imagine what she was feeling, for her to be able to summon so much power that it was felt all the way to where he was. He just hoped she had not been in Camelot when she had let it loose otherwise he feared for the state of the city.

As Morgana did not come running he figured she had just thought it a small earthquake; they did not come often but sometimes there was a small one. The only way he connected it to Merlin, was because he was so used to the feel of her magic that his had sung in joy at the faint brush against it, from what it had caused.

As there were no further magic or non-magic incidents during the first night of his stay, and no other interruptions, he had plenty of time on his hands as sleep kept evading him. Most of his thoughts were of Merlin and their times spent together, he hoped he had not seen her for the last time and that he would still have a chance to marry her.

However, whatever Morgana had planned he was not sure it was something he could easily be forgiven for, even if it were not of his own doing. He knew what kind of destructive power he wielded if it were to be pushed to the limit, and he feared that it was exactly what Morgana wanted him for.

The light in the room changed as dawn graced the horizon. Mordred got up off the bed and went to the window to watch it come, as he was sure he would probably not see a sunrise as a relatively free man for a long while. He watched as the sun rose between the far away mountains and it´s rays hit the forest below. It was a remarkable sight; the leaves on the trees shining where the sun's rays hit the morning dew and the birds started their greeting of the sun.

He heard a set of keys in the door and could not help but find it a little amusing, that Morgana would use keys but figured it was purely for the effect. However he just thought it was a little pathetic. The door opened and in stepped Morgana and Kara, it was not very unexpected that she would be with her but Mordred did not even spare her a glance, as she was dead to him. In a way, she was dead as she had changed so much that Mordred did not think he would be able to find anything of the old Kara in her anymore.

Morgana was carrying a dark box and from it, Mordred felt wrongness and evil. He cleansed his teeth hard when he realized what was in the box, he had been right; she would make him do terrible things.

"I see you have realized about my little friend here. Will you aid me of your own free will? Hmm, still not talking I see. Will you not even greet your old love?"

Mordred said nothing even as he felt a panic and desperation rise in him he did not know he was capable of feeling. Could Merlin or Arthur ever forgive him for what was about to happen? Morgana smiled a cold smile at him while Kara stood off to the side just watching the proceedings. Morgana gave the box to Kara who held it while Morgana went over to Mordred.

She raised her hand and placed it on his chin but he pulled his head away sharply, but Morgana just laughed at him.

"It would have been so much easier if you had been willing to join me but as that will not be happening I will just have to make you join me against your will. In a moment, all you will be able to do is what I want you to do."

Morgana opened the box and pulled out a hideous snake-tree to hold up for him to see, with sweet smile that sent goose bumps running down his back. He felt his panic rise higher when Morgana started her spell.

"Astige ðu wyrm fah ond geþéowe ðæt mod ðisse cnihtas. Hine bind ond ða heold ond awendaþ he ealle!"

The Fomorroh came to life in her hands and she went behind him as he was frozen to the spot in fear, he felt a searing pain to the back of his neck. His entire body screamed in agony but he only let out a sound at the very end. He screamed with both his magic and body. Just one word, a name really.

"EMRYS!"

And then his world went black.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

There was something wrong. Merlin was sure of it. It was as if she could almost taste it in the air, feel it pressing in on her from all sides, as if she did not fit in her own skin. As a result, she was jumpy all day and had been since Mordred, Leon, and Percival had set out. Rationally, she knew it was probably just because it was the first time since they had become lovers that they were parted for more than just a day.

Nevertheless, she was not able to shake the feeling that something was coming. Arthur had teased her all day about the fact that she was missing Mordred, she could not argue on that as it was true, but that did not stop her from denying it every time he brought it up.

It was at such times as these that she wished Arthur knew about her, as it would make it so much easier for her. She would have been able to tell him that she felt something was wrong, but was something wrong for her to tell him about? It had not been so bad as long as she could still feel Mordred through her magic, but as soon as he was out of reach, she became a wreck.

Nevertheless, she still had a job to do. Everywhere she went people were looking at her and she knew right away that word of her and Mordred had spread throughout the Citadel. She could not help but notice that some of the looks she received were quite envious, she knew the majority of the female staff thought Mordred was gorgeous and rightly so. However, she also received quite a few hateful stares but she put those down to the fact that it was her he had fallen for instead of them.

She did her chores of cleaning Arthur´s chainmail, armor, and swords in record time as she was in deep thought about what could make her magic react the way it did. Could it just be that the coming confrontation with Morgana was steadily drawing nearer? Somehow, she doubted that it was the case but it was nice to hope it was just that.

The first two days were two of the few days where she did her chores without a single word of complaint, which Arthur apparently could not just let pass without comment. It was the evening on the second day; she was serving Arthur and Gwen their evening meal when he apparently could not keep it in anymore.

"If you do your chores this well every time I send Mordred on patrol he is going to be out a lot. You have finished all I have told you to do and that is very rare of you. Or maybe you are just sick?"

Merlin raised an eyebrow at him at the same time Gwen told Arthur to behave, as she was sure he was not the loveliest person to be around when he missed her.

"I am not sick. I just have a lot on my mind right now."

Arthur let out a loud laugh and both Gwen and Merlin glared at him.

"You have a lot on your mind? What could that be about? There is nothing going through that mind of yours other than the wind."

"At least I have a mind things can go through. And on that note I am off. I have some herbs to gather for Gaius before I can retire. Good evening my lord, my lady."

Merlin knew that she was being unduly rude but she was starting to get worried. Something was coming and she was not sure she was ready for it, and as such let her frustrations out on the King. She bowed to them as she had never really gotten the hang of curtsying, the few times she had tried, most of them had ended with her on the floor.

"No Arthur, put that goblet down. You had that one coming. Can't you see that something is really worrying her?"

Merlin did not hear his answer as she was hurrying down the hallway to Gaius´s chambers to gather the tools she would need.

The forest was quiet when Merlin gathered the herbs for Gaius; it was too quiet, like the forest itself was waiting for something. On any other night there would have been owls and foxes to be heard but they were all in hiding and it worried her more than she already was. All she felt though her magic from the surrounding wildlife only made her more certain that something was terribly wrong.

She could have been done long ago but she loved the forest, it was a part of her. When she was there she felt free, her magic felt free but this night offered no feelings of freedom, only desperation and despair. So she had tried to use her magic to feel in the earth if something was drawing nearer but nothing had come of it.

She reached the clearing where she usually met with Killgarrah and saw a shadow sitting in the middle of it, so she sent her magic out and frowned. She started walking towards him in the dark.

"What are you doing out here Gwaine?"

Gwaine almost fell over as he tried turning to her while still sitting. The second she saw his face, dread started to fill her. He looked devastated.

"Merlin, could you sit with me for a moment? I need to talk to you about something."

"What happened? Please just tell me."

"Merlin, please sit down for a moment."

Merlin did not want to sit down, all she wanted to do was turn around and run from whatever he had to tell her. Something had happened to Mordred. She did not know how she knew it but suddenly everything in her screamed that everything she had been feeling was because of what Gwaine needed her sitting down to hear.

"No. Whatever it is, you can tell me while I am standing."

Gwaine sighed and stood up; he came over to her and gave her at sympathetic and worried look.

"They were attacked this morning. Leon and Percival came back not long after you went out, after they told us what had happened I volunteered to find you. It was Morgana, Merlin."

Merlin squished her eyes shut. Leon and Percival had come back, but not Mordred. She felt pain fill every fiber of her being but forced it down.

"And Mordred?"

She feared what his answer was going to be but she needed to know. Had she killed him for refusing her hand in friendship? Merlin could not hear what Gwaine answered over the sound of her blood rushing through her head.

"I am sorry could you repeat that?"

"I said that she took him with her. He was bound, so it was not of his own free will. That is not all I am afraid. They brought a message back. Arthur does not know what to do with it, but the message was for you. They were told to bring a message back to Emrys; that Mordred is hers now. I am so sorry Merlin."

Merlin felt her breathing pick up as she started to hyperventilate; her eyes became unseeing as she felt she was going to explode from all she was feeling. The pain she had tried to push away came back even stronger; it was mixed with a deep sorrow, hate of Morgana, fear, and an overpowering fury.

She could faintly hear Gwaine yelling at her but she had no idea what it was he was yelling as her vision turned red behind her closed eyes. Her hands clutched her head as she bent over. She fell to her knees and let out a broken sob as she felt her magic trying to tear her apart.

Merlin slammed her hands down into the earth with so much power that they sank down into it. She threw her head back and screamed while she let go of the hold on her magic, it tore through her and into the very earth itself and made it tremble. She kept screaming until there was no more air to scream with, the magic kept pouring out of her until she was almost drained if such a thing was even possible, she didn´t think it was but she was running out of energy.

Her vision grew darker until the only thing she saw was a black nothingness, she felt her body sway and fall to the side, and she was unconscious before she even hit the ground.

Merlin heard voices around her when she came to. At first, it was hard to make one out from the other, it all sounded like she was under water and her head hurt. She tried to focus on the voices but it only made her head hurt more so she groaned from the pain.

"Gaius she is waking up. I´ll go inform the king."

She faintly heard Percival say. At least she thought it was Percival but it was hard to say when everything sounded wrong. Then she remembered what had happened, what was the cause of her laying here and she let lose some heartbreaking sobs.

"Merlin, it´s okay. Just breathe."

Merlin shook with her sobs but slowly calmed down, as it did no one any good if she went into panic mode. She knew that Arthur needed her so she could not afford to break down. In addition, Morgana had a soft spot for Mordred so she doubted that she would do anything so terrible to him but that did not really calm her mind much.

There was still the slim chance that Mordred would work with her of his own free will, or she would be able to force him to do it, as Merlin was sure he would never betray her or Arthur. Nevertheless, there were ways to change even Mordred´s mind.

She took several deep breaths before she could even open her eyes. She had always known loving Mordred would cause her pain, even if she had originally thought it would be from him going freely to Morgana instead of this.

"Merlin, Arthur needs you. He is in a meeting with some druids that came this morning; they felt a great power outlet last night and came here to let the King know that even if the one who did it is not going to reveal themselves it was not something to fear. Even if the earth shaking like it did brought down more than a couple of buildings. Merlin what were you thinking?"

Merlin sat herself up on the bed while there were still tears trailing down her cheek. If there were druids here she would have to be there, her emotional pain be damned. She glared a little at Gaius through her tears. He had made it clear that he did not support Mordred and her.

"What I was thinking? I was thinking that the man I love has been taken by Morgana, and who knows what she will do to him. Moreover, I was thinking of getting rid of the pain I felt. I know you do not like the fact that I am with him because of who he is, and what some say he will do. However, was it not you who told me to give him a chance, to let him prove himself? I have to go to Arthur."

She got up from the bed and started to walk to the door only for Gaius to grab her by the arm. She turned her head and looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes. As if she was daring him to try and stop her from going.

"That was not how I meant it Merlin and you know that. I just did not want you to get hurt, and look what has happened."

"This is by no chance Mordred´s fault. Now let me go."

Gaius let go of her arm and Merlin was out the door before he had the chance to respond. As she had no idea where Arthur was having the meeting with the druids who had come she dug into her magic and followed the trail of their magic to a small counsel chamber just off to the side of the throne room.

She opened the door just enough that she could squish though it. She had hoped she could sneak in unnoticed but the silence in the room told her that that had not been the case.

"Merlin! Are you done sleeping in? If that is the case, say hello to the druids who have come about the quake last night. These are Inir, Santir, and Helena."

`Humph. Why can he not just say that he is happy that I am all right? Oh that's right. He is King Prat. And we have quests. Oh... guests. `

During Merlin´s inner monologue, the druids looked at her with different degrees of disbelief on their faces, they masked it quickly, but Merlin saw it anyway. She took no offence as it was very common with people of the magical community to look at her like that, because of whom she was and the fact that she was so very young even if she felt quite old today. She felt like she had aged years just over night.

Merlin gave each of them a polite nod as she stepped into her place just off to the right behind Arthur. When she felt an unknown magic brush up against hers she felt wrong because normally it was just Mordred who tried to talk to her in her head, but she supposed that it was the only way that they could talk to her without Arthur knowing.

"_You are Emrys are you not? I am Inir, leader of the seventh wood clan of the east. We bring no harm to you or the once and future king."_

Merlin did not answer him but only nodded in response to him. She did not want to have conversations in the mind as it only served to make her miss Mordred all the more.

"You say that this Emrys was the cause of the disturbance last night? Does she really hold so much power that she could do that? And if she is good as I have been told why did she attack the city like that?"

Merlin´s head snapped over to look at Arthur at that. What did he mean by attacking the city? Then she remembered that Gaius had told her several buildings had collapsed in her grief and despair the night before. She had not paid it any mind at the time as she had had other things to think about. She could only hope that no one had been hurt because of it. It was the woman, Helena, who answered the King.

"My lord, if I may. Yes, indeed Emrys was the cause but as we have already stated it would never have been her intention to bring harm on your people. From what we understand you, yourself learned yesterday that the druid known as Mordred had been taken by Morgana, and he is a dear friend to her so it was most likely her grief when she heard that information. Emrys is immensely powerful my lord."

Merlin noticed Gaius sneak in through the door while Helena answered the King, who was looking at the three druids with a speculative look in his eyes.

"You have exposed yourself as sorcerers. Do you not have concern for the time the ban is up for revision?"

It was the man who had talked to Merlin who answered and Merlin thought it fitting as he said that he was the leader. Much depended on how he was going to answer as all of the magical community would probably hear about this meeting.

"No my lord we do not. The druids are peaceful. We only fight if we have no other choice or if we believe strongly for a cause. And that brings us to the other reason why we are here. Most of the druids believe that you will bring an era of peace and we wish to show our support in that future, so we are here to inform you, that should you have need of us we will fight for you, for Camelot, and for Emrys."

Merlin was a little surprised that they put her in the category of which they would fight for, she might be a legend of theirs but she did not want anyone to fight for her, if they wanted to fight, they could but it would never be for her. However, they could fight side by side with her if the need ever arose, Merlin would love nothing more than being able to tell them that they would not be called on to fight, but she knew that it would probably be a lie. When Morgana called for war, she would likely have sorcerers on her side and they could strike from a distance whereas the army of Camelot could not.

"For Emrys? I hear much about her but I have yet to meet her. How does she even know when she is needed?"

Again, it was Inir who answered the King in a steady voice like he was not affected by standing before a King who had until very recently executed all who had magic.

"Emrys lives in Camelot my lord and there is extremely little which happens here that she does not know about. You have met her, my lord, but she does not stand out so she is overlooked by the ones who do not know of her, but for most druids we know her on sight. Moreover, as to why we fight for Emrys, we fight for her not only because of who she is going to become, but because she would never ask it of us.

Merlin never heard what Arthur would have answered as she felt a searing pain enter her head. Just before she went down, she saw the three druids grab their heads as if they felt it too, she screamed and collapsed onto her knees cradling her head in her hands. She faintly heard Arthur demanding to know what had happened at the same time Gaius yelled her name, but over it all she felt pain and desperation.

"_EMRYS!"_

Mordred´s voice tore into her head, as if he was standing right beside her, screaming as loud as he could. She had no idea what had happened to him but just as fast as he had connected with her he was gone, big tears rolled down her cheeks at his fate. She knew he was not dead but whatever had happened to him must have been horrible for him to be able to reach her even here in Camelot.

"What happened?"

"My lord, apparently Sir Mordred was trying to reach out to Emrys and all with magic were able to hear it. Some who have exceedingly powerful telepathic powers can reach over long distances but I have never heard of anyone who could reach as far as from Morgana´s castle to here. While Mordred is the most powerful telepath I have ever had the pleasure to meet even he should not be able to do that unless under extreme mental torture."

Merlin did not know the voice who answered so she assumed it was the last in the group, Santir she thought his name was but right now, she did not care. She sent her magic down into the ground and sent it as far out she was able but she could not feel Mordred at all.

"Merlin does not have magic! How is it she was able to hear him? And why isn´t she responding to the physician?"

"Were they close? If they were, he might have a connection to her and it could be because of that. She should be fine soon, but will likely suffer a headache."

Merlin saw nothing as she kept trying, and failing, to reach Mordred in any way. She tried all she knew which would not give her magic away through her eyes glowing. She stopped hearing what was going on around her as she searched and searched for any indication that Mordred was still alive. At some point, she knew that she moved but showed no reaction to it.

The more she searched fruitlessly the more she sank into herself. The pain she felt overruled all she had ever felt before as she arrived to only one conclusion: Mordred had to be dead. Merlin tried to crawl up from the darkness she felt suffocating her but found it impossible, no matter how hard she tried there was only darkness in her mind.

Soon she did not care if she found her way out, if Mordred was not out there anymore, then what did she have? The little voice in the back of her mind that told her she still had her friends was wildly ignored, or maybe she was not completely there anymore to hear it. She had no sense of time or place in the complete darkness, but still somehow managed to know that there was always someone with her even if she did not know who it was.

She was sure that at more than one point Inir tried to work his telepathic powers on her but he never reached her. However, one day something did reach her, she had no idea who it was but someone said his name. Whoever it was came back and every time Mordred was mentioned, she felt herself move little further away from the suffocating darkness and a little closer to the light.


	17. Chapter 17

_**I am sorry for the total irregularity of the updates, but life has a nasty habit of getting in the way. What can a girl do about that? Not so much. **_

_**The few of you who take the time to leave a review: thank you so much, it makes my days a bit brighter to see that someone takes the time to leave a few words. **_

Chapter 17

When Merlin opened her eyes, they were like steel and alight with a burning coldness, as if all the happiness in her had been sucked out. She sat up on the bed she had been placed on and swung her legs over the side, it ached a bit, like she hadn't used her limbs for some days but she paid it no mind as she got up and left her old room.

In the main chamber, Gaius sat fallen over the table sleeping with his head resting on his arms over one of several open books. Merlin barely glanced at him when she strode out of the chamber and down the dark hallway as she made her way to Mordred´s room. The guards she passed on the way looked after her with big eyes; however, Merlin did not really see them but just kept on walking.

What reason did she have to acknowledge them? They were nothing to her, not anymore. At one point not that long ago she would have given up her life to save them, but now she just felt empty. There were only very few things that mattered to Merlin now, one being that magic would come back and that was already happening. Even if she had no recollection of what happened in the small counsel chamber after Mordred´s death she doubted that Arthur would have turned on the visiting druids.

Another was to protect Arthur with all she had and was until the time came where he no longer needed her, but that time would only come when the communities were united in peace under a just King once more. She had longed for that day for so many years now that it was almost impossible to believe it was almost upon them, but now she felt bittersweet at its coming because everything had changed for her. She had longed for that day more than ever since she had started her affair with Mordred, it had held the promise of a day when she could be herself with him at her side. However, it was a dream Morgana had brutally ripped from her and Merlin would make her pay for it.

Merlin pushed the door to the chamber open but could not make herself go in. It held so many memories that she was not sure she was ready to face yet, if she ever would be. Even without going into the room she was assaulted by memories of soft kisses, laughter, and loving touches.

"Merlin? Gwaine get out here!"

Merlin looked to the side from where the voice had come from, outside Gwaine´s door stood Evalyn and she stared at her with wide eyes, she was pushed to the side almost instantly as Gwaine burst out the door wearing just a pair of trousers. He stared at her with a big grin before he ran over to engage her in a big hug but she did not return it. Gwaine pulled back with a frown and stared at her, while she just gave an indifferent stare of her own, he started pulling Merlin in the direction of his room where Evalyn still stood at the door.

Merlin got pushed down to sit on the bed while Gwaine sat on his legs in front of her and Evalyn closed the door as she left. Gwaine stared at Merlin like he was trying to reach her very thoughts but when Merlin showed no reaction he stood up and started to pace the floor and mumble to himself,

"What is she doing at Mordred´s chambers if she is still catatonic? How did she even get here? And why now when Morgana and Mordred are marching on to Camelot…"

Merlin frowned at that. What did he mean Mordred was marching on Camelot? Mordred was dead, she was sure of it but here Gwaine stood muttering things that said differently. She had to know what he meant so she opened her mouth to ask but no sound came out. The door opened a short while later and Evalyn came in with a tray of food, she looked from the still pacing Gwaine to Merlin who kept trying to talk. She smiled at Merlin only to frown at Gwaine.

"What did you say to her?"

Gwaine spun in the direction of Evalyn with an expression, which made it clear that he had not heard her enter the room.

"I haven't said anything to her. How do you reckon she came here in her state?"

"I reckon she walked. Would you like a bite to eat and something to drink Merlin? It might help your throat."

"What do you mean she wal…"

He did not finish the sentence and Merlin found it a little uncomfortable the way he stared at her as she accepted the water Evalyn offered her and drank it down. She cleared her throat and tried to speak once more, her voice came out as a broken, hoarse sounding whisper but out it came.

"Wha… Mo…ed"

Gwaine frowned at her as if he did not understand what she said, which made Merlin feel extremely frustrated with herself. How long had she been out for anyway since her voice failed her? She really had no idea, but for her voice to sound like that it had to be a couple of weeks. However, that was not what was important right now, no, what was important was finding out what he was babbling on about before.

"Do you mean Mordred?"

Merlin nodded at him franticly. Why he could not just answer her question was beyond her, she needed answers and she needed them before Gaius and Arthur found out she was not in her room anymore. She needed a plan for what she was going to do, if what Gwaine had said was true and Mordred was not dead but somehow on Morgana´s side and coming here she would need to prepare. Moreover, find out what had happened for Mordred to turn toward the path of evil and destruction.

"Mordred is leading Morgana´s army, Merlin and they are coming here. I think that the reason she is marching on us now is that she probably has heard like everyone else what Mordred´s disappearance has done to you. Everyone knows that it broke you. You have been catatonic for nearly two weeks."

Merlin looked up at him in alarm only to look over at Evalyn quickly and back at Gwaine again; however it was not Gwaine who answered her brief look of panic but Evalyn herself,

"I know of your magic Merlin. I have been the one to take care of you for most of the last two weeks, as Gaius had to take care of the wounded villagers who started to come after they started attacking the outer villages. You sometimes did magic even if you were not aware of it."

Merlin could not believe it had been two weeks, but then again, she had lost all sense of time in the darkness of her mind. However, she did nothing but nod absently at Evalyn as she was thinking about what could have made Mordred turn. She thought about Mordred screaming out to her, but it was not his scream she focused on but rather the feeling that came with it. There had been fear but not the fear of dying as she had thought; it had been fear of what was happening. There had also been a desperate will to fight what has happening, but above all, there had been a searing pain.

´If Mordred did not willingly go to her, than what did she do to him that made him willing now? If he is leading the army he was to be willing, doesn't he? `

Merlin kept going over it in her mind and in the end reached two possible scenarios. The first and hardest would be that he had indeed turned to her on his own but it seemed unlikely, however the second did not make sense either.

`Would Morgana really do that? She did it to me yes, but would she do it to Mordred? Would she really have put one of those in him and if so, why? `

She looked up from the floor at Gwaine and Evalyn who were both staring intensely at her.

"Okay here is what we are going to do and I don't want any arguments. I am assuming the King is readying the army to ride out and meet her?" at Gwaine's confirming nod she continued, "You cannot tell anyone that I am fine again, only that I am on the mend apparently. No one, not even Gaius or Arthur. This way we have the element of surprise, I think I might know what she has done to Mordred to make him join her, and we all know that he would not do so freely. If she has done what I think, there is a way to bring him back but she has likely learned from when she tried it on me."

Gwaine looked ready to protest but a single hard look from Merlin made sure he kept it to himself.

"Merlin, we are setting out tomorrow, so whatever you have in mind you will have to do it quickly."

Merlin smiled at him, because it could not be any more perfect than that, as she needed Arthur out of the way instead of in it for what she had planned. She heard running footsteps coming quickly down the hall and turned to the rooms other two components.

"Remember. Not a word."

She had barely finished talking when the door burst open and a concerned looking Arthur ran in through it yelling his head off.

"GWAINE MERLIN IS MISSING. GWA…"

He stopped in the middle of the room and Merlin had to work extremely hard to not start laughing so hard she would fall off the bed; if this was going to work Arthur had to believe she was still in a catatonic state. Merlin however almost gave up on the plan when she saw the sadness in his eyes when he stared at her, she might have lost her lover but Arthur had lost his first real friend and it broke her already broken heart to see. However, the more who knew she was yet again in the land of the living the greater the chances of Morgana finding out were also, so she could not risk it.

"The guards on night duty told me she was walking around. Do you think it means she is coming back to us?"

"We can only hope princess. Evalyn found her standing at Mordred´s door just staring in there, at first it seemed like she saw us but then she went back into the catatonic state, which she is in again now. Nevertheless, it must mean that she is on the mend."

Arthur just nodded while he looked at her.

"Evalyn, could you take her back to her room please?"

Arthur turned around to walk out the door so Merlin took a chance and looked at Evalyn while she shook her head, and tried to let her know that she wanted to go with him. Evalyn frowned at her for a moment before her eyes widened in what Merlin hoped to be understanding. Merlin then put on the total expressionless face as Evalyn spoke to the King.

"Pardon me my lord. I think it might do her some good if we were to follow you for the day so she comes out. I will, of course, have Gaius look her over but if she is fine walking again it could be the start of her getting back to us."

Arthur turned and looked at Merlin with a frown before he turned his gaze to Evalyn.

"You go and ask Gaius to come to my chambers. I will take Merlin there with me and then we will see how it goes. Merlin, let's go."

Arthur stared at her and Merlin realized that he was waiting to see if she would get up and come with him, so she stood up very carefully and kept an even look on her face as she did. A bright smile broke out on Arthur´s face as she moved over to him; he turned and walked out the door and when he was no longer in sight Merlin smiled a big smile at Gwaine and Evalyn. The smile did however not reach her eyes but it was a smile nonetheless. She was going to make Morgana pay and get Mordred back.

Merlin experienced one of the hardest days she could remember, on that day. The way she had to show no expression at all, and show no reaction when people either talked to her or about her, but she learned that Morgana and Mordred were moving in on Camlann and Arthur intended to meet them in battle there. Everybody was extremely careful when anybody was mentioning Mordred as she was there and every time, she saw the betrayal in Arthur´s eyes.

Most of the day went by as Merlin followed Arthur to one meeting after the other. They were all about the coming war in one way or the other. Some were about the food supply and some about the help the druids promised, saying they would send healers and a few who were willing to fight, and surprisingly enough, not as many of the knights were opposed to them as Merlin would have thought. She guessed that they could see either that it would help immensely or they just did not want to speak out against the King. For Merlin the reason did not matter, no, what did matter was the fact that they were willing to have anything to do with magic.

That night when the sun had gone down, Evalyn and Merlin snuck out of the city to talk a bit, without the risk of Merlin getting caught not being catatonic. They did not go too far as Merlin would not risk the Citadel being attacked while she was not in it just because not being able to speak was driving her mad. They found a small clearing to sit in, and as the full moon was up, they had no need for any light other than what it provided.

Merlin laid down on her front so her arms supported her while Evalyn sat in front of her and Merlin could not help but to laugh at her a little over the small frown she got on her face due to the slightly damp grass. In no time, her laughter turned into hysteria. Merlin laughed and cried at the same time and when she snapped out of it, she had somehow ended up in Evalyn´s arms. Merlin pulled back and dried her eyes on one of the sleeves on her dress.

"I am sorry."

Evalyn smiled a sad smile at her while she sat back down again.

"It´s okay Merlin. You are going through a lot right now, and we all need a good cry now and then. I can´t even begin to imagine how you must feel, I mean I have Gwaine here with me. He might be going to a war tomorrow against Morgana and her army but I have faith in his ability to stay alive."

Merlin was back on her front and pulling little straws of grass from the ground, but she looked up at Evalyn with a speculative gleam in her eyes.

"I think he loves you. And for Gwaine to love someone other than himself is a big deal. Since he got together with you, he doesn't drink as much and having you made him stop sleeping with a new girl every other night."

Evalyn looked at Merlin with some degree of pain and sadness in her eyes, Merlin did not understand why as she thought it was what Evalyn wanted. Who does not want the person they love to love them back?

"He might love me but he doesn't love me like he loves you, even if you are with Mordred and Gwaine is with me, he still loves you."

"Gwaine does not love me like that. There may have been a time when he did but he does not anymore. I have never loved him like that, sure, he is easy on the eyes and charming as hell but we would never have worked out."

Merlin felt a little bad that Evalyn thought that Gwaine loved her in that way, when she was sure that Evalyn loved Gwaine. However as she thought about it they had never really discussed Evalyn´s feelings toward the charming knight and she felt even more like a bad friend.

"You love Gwaine don't you?"

Evalyn smiled at her when she answered,

"Yes I love him. I hope that if what you say is true and he loves me too, that I am going to marry him one day. However, I am not sure that, that is something he would want even if he does love me. I have never felt this way about anybody before. None of my previous relationships have been like the one I have with him."

Merlin just smiled back at her, it was almost just the kind of answer she wanted from her friend. She was, however quite sure that Gwaine loved her back, as she had already stated. However, she had no idea what to say about the marriage thing, as she didn´t know what Gwaine thought about it. They had never really spoken about that subject.

"I do hope, for you, that it will go the way you want it to. I can just imagine the kids the pair of you would have."

Evalyn blushed at the mention of kids but Merlin could almost see the kids Evalyn imagined as she had a faraway look in her eyes. Merlin grinned at Evalyn, which brought her back in the now, the blush on her cheeks deepened, and Merlin started laughing at her before she sobered up and sighed.

"Did you know I have tried making relationships work before Mordred? It never did and I think I now know why. I need someone like me to be truly happy; someone who can understand me and know how much discipline it takes to have magic. Mine may not work like any others but in the end, a non-magic person could ever truly know how it feels when they do not have that kind of power."

Merlin rolled over onto her back and stared up at the stars. What she would not give to be laying on the grass in this very clearing with Mordred instead of Evalyn, it was nothing against her but she would rather it were him. She felt hollow without him beside her, as she had grown used to him just as she had grown to love him.

"So you are saying that a magical person can only be happy with another who has magic?"

"No that is not what I am saying. I am sure there are many who have no problems with those unions, but for someone like me, or like Mordred? We need someone like ourselves; we are too close to magic for it to not bleed into every aspect of our life. Do you understand it, I really hope you do because I have no idea how else I am to explain it."

Merlin laughed a little when she made out Evalyn´s face in the dark, the expression on it told her that Evalyn had no idea what she was trying to convey. Evalyn, in turn, started laughing to soon after, and just for a tiny moment, Merlin almost forgot her pain over losing Mordred. They soon snuck back into the Citadel where Evalyn escorted Merlin to her room in case they would be caught, as Merlin could not be seen walking around alone in her "condition".

Gaius was still awake and pacing the room when they got there. He turned to them when they entered and started to scold Evalyn for her having Merlin out so late. When Merlin could not take it anymore, she decided that there really was no harm in him knowing that she was fine, if she were honest with herself the only reason she had not wanted him to know in the first place was because he had not supported her being with Mordred.

"Gaius, leave Evalyn alone. She only took me out because I wanted to get out for a bit."

Gaius turned a disbelieving look onto Merlin.

"Merlin... You, you talk."

Merlin felt the childish desire to roll her eyes at him but overcame it when guilt at not telling him she was fine, well not fine but better, set in. She was still sad and hurt that he told her that she was an idiot for being with Mordred, but that did not make it all right for her to hurt him back by making him believe she was still catatonic. She could see how the last two weeks had taken their toll on him.

"Yes and I am sorry that we did not tell you but the last thing we need is for Morgana to know that I am fine once again. By not telling anyone there is no risk of her finding out, if she found out, we would lose the small chance we have of taking her by surprise."

Gaius did not really answer Merlin as such, he went over and put his arms around her before he pulled back, and Merlin received a small smack to the back of her head. Evalyn excused herself and left, Merlin assumed to find Gwaine as Evalyn had to stay back at the Citadel as the army rode out. While she knew the basics about caring for wounds, she was a kitchen maid and she had been assigned to look after Merlin as she was her friend.

"Merlin, don't you ever do that to me again. I know you loved the boy, but look what happened. I said that he would only end up hurting you."

Merlin felt the anger beginning to build up in her at his words. What did he know about her and Mordred? Nothing and even if she knew it was her own fault as she had not told him anything about it, just the way he said it made it very clear that he was sure of Mordred´s guilt.

"Not _loved. _I love him and I know that he is not doing this of his own free will. I have been going over all the emotions I felt from him when he called out to me just before I was… indisposed. Moreover, I have a very strong feeling that Morgana might have put a Fomorroh in him. I felt the pain he did and it was concentrated at the back of his neck, it felt the same way as when she put one in me. And I have every intention of freeing him of it."

Merlin practically hissed at him in her anger. She was going to save Mordred one way or the other and she really hoped that she could do it in time, before he killed Arthur. She had no idea if Morgana knew of the prophecy, which stated that Mordred was the one to kill Arthur but she had a strong feeling that she did. But if she did not then why go through all the trouble of taking Mordred´s free will from him? It was surely not just because she wanted him on her side, because as long as she was controlling him it meant that she knew he would never join her.

Gaius had a resigned look on his face as he sat down at the table, he beckoned Merlin over but she stubbornly stayed where she was.

"Are you sure that she is controlling him? But, what if you are wrong Merlin? Could you do what must be done?"

Merlin huffed at him. How dare he suggest that she was wrong in this case? She knew she was not wrong, but she could see why he would ask. No matter how angry she was, she could still see that he only asked because he was concerned for her and for Arthur. Had it been anyone but Mordred the question would not have bothered her for anything other than the fact that he was asking her if she was willing to kill. She was willing and able to kill to keep Arthur alive and had proved it repeatedly.

"I am not wrong but if I am… I would never let anyone close enough to kill the King. You know that. You have to get up early in the morning to leave with the army so you should probably get some sleep. Sleep tight Gaius."

Merlin turned to leave but apparently, Gaius was not done with her.

"What are you going to do Merlin?"

"Me? I am going to save us all. Just like I always do."

Gaius just looked at her with a look that clearly stated that, that was not a good enough answer and she was not to leave before she had answered it satisfactorily. So Merlin signed and went to the table and sat down in front of him.

"Morgana will most likely have the main Fomorroh on her. I do not think she is stupid enough to leave it unattended this time, but I cannot have Arthur knowing I am going after her, as it will have to be Emrys who confronts her instead of Merlin. Moreover, I am not quite ready for him to know that those two are the same person. Gaius have you seen the betrayal in his eyes every time someone mentions Mordred around him? I would not be able to live with him looking at me like that, he is my best friend and I have never told him out of fear for how he would react. I can only hope that when Mordred is freed from that vile creature, Arthur will understand that it was not really him who is doing the things he is."

Merlin got up and went to her room, as it was clear that Gaius had nothing to reply to that. She put on a nightgown and snuggled under the covers, but no matter how much she tried, she could not find a comfortable position to settle down. It might have been almost two weeks she had been sleeping alone but it did not feel like that to her, so falling asleep was hard without Mordred to use as a pillow and his steady heartbeat in her ear but in the end she fell asleep and dreamt.

Her dreams took her to terrible places. In one of them Mordred was not controlled and killed Arthur before she could stop him. In another, they all died and Morgana won. Her nightmares kept up throughout the night but ended when she woke up to Evalyn standing over her telling her that it was time to get up as the army was almost ready to march.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Sorry my dearies but my muse ran away and hid from me the little bastard. I hope that I caught it again but only time will tell. Please leave a comment for me at the bottom as it might keep the little bugger here with me.**_

Chapter 18

When Merlin and Evalyn made their way out into the courtyard, it was midmorning and the courtyard itself was a mess of knights, soldiers, and servants' running around to make sure everything was as it should be. Merlin was quite happy that she was not in the midst of it as she had tried before; she somehow always managed to be knocked over by someone who did not watch where he or she was going. This time she spent standing at the top of the stairs with an expressionless look on her face.

She tried to make out known faces in the crowd but it was hard, as she had to look like she did not really see anything. But she and Evalyn had talked about it and decided that she could show a little recognition to the `special` knights as they most likely had already heard that she was getting a little better. It would do them good not to worry about her, as they were out fighting for the kingdom.

The first one who saw them standing there was Gwaine who came over to them. He nodded at Evalyn even though Merlin could see that he really wanted to take her in his arms, and Merlin just wanted to tell him to do it. She could not understand why they did not show that they loved one another, but it was not her place to say anything, had it not been for Kara it would probably still have been a secret that she was with Mordred.

"Well this is where I have to take my leave. Take good care of Merlin Evalyn, for as long as you can. She always manages to get into trouble no matter what she does and this time it will probably be more than a little she will find."

He pulled Merlin into a tight hug, and she put her own around him while she had a little frown on her face as if she was confused. Everybody who looked at them would just see a knight saying goodbye to a friend who was sick, before he went off to war.

"Be careful Merlin. Morgana will kill you if she gets the chance, so do not give her that chance. You hear me? I know what you are planning is probably very dangerous and risky but be sure we get you back and hopefully that temperamental man of yours too."

Merlin was just about to reply when Leon and Percival came up to the trio on the stairs with a look of surprise on their faces as they saw her arms around Gwaine. She looked at them and gave a small slightly confused smile as if she were still a little out of sorts.

"Hi guys."

Merlin made her voice sound a little insecure and small as to play the part better. She stepped back from Gwaine and almost fell over, as she was being pulled into a big hug from Percival.

"Merlin it is so good to have you back in the land of the living."

Merlin did not have the time to respond before she was pulled into Leon´s arms the second Percival let her go. Merlin was hit with a wave of shame and gratitude at the same time, but as Leon let her go she looked at them for a moment before she let the blank look take over her face once more.

"Merlin? What happened? She was fine a moment ago."

Leon asked no one in particular but Evalyn was fast coming up with an answer.

"She is just getting better Sir Leon. Some setbacks are to be expected, but just the fact that she comes out of her `shell` so to speak is a big step in the right direction. It will get better but it will take some time. So far today she was been out more than she was yesterday."

Merlin could see Leon´s frown turn into a little smile at the prospect of her getting better all the time, but the look Percival sent her made her want to hit him, even if he were so much bigger than her. The look he had given her was one filled with pity, she suspected that it was not over the whole catatonic thing but more that it appeared that Mordred was a traitor.

The people in the courtyard stated to thin out as they left for the grassy field just outside the city, where the army was gathered waiting for the King and Queen before riding out. Merlin could not help but feel a little sad; she was not going with them, no matter how happy she was over the very same fact. She felt it more than anything else, when Arthur and Gwen followed by Gaius came out of the castle doors.

"Sire, my lady, she said something to us but then went quiet again."

Leon reported to the royal couple as soon as they were by their side. Gwen stepped into Merlin's view and gave her a small smile and a little hug before she stepped back. Arthur then came to stand in front of her and gave her an assistive look and somehow managed to catch her eye, he smiled and started to talk to her in a low voice, which reminded Merlin of someone talking to a frightened horse.

"Hello Merlin, I know everything is rubbish right now but I promise that when we come back victorious from this battle, everything will be better. We are going to make sure, that neither of them can ever hurt anyone again okay?"

Merlin was very surprised that Arthur was actually showing that he cared, even if he was talking about killing the man she loved. It really showed how far he had come since she had come to Camelot. Arthur looked around with a look of uncertainty before he too pulled her into a close hug, and Merlin almost squealed in surprise because he never hugged her. Well he had done it before a few times, but there had been certain circumstances at those times but she supposed there was now too, but it was still a surprise.

"You are possibly the bravest person I have ever met, all the things you have gone through since arriving in Camelot. Don't let this be the thing to beat you."

Merlin bit the inside of her cheek to keep herself from answering him, it was hard, but she did not respond in any way. He thought of her as the bravest person he had ever met? She knew that the only reason he told her was probably that he did not think that she was able to hear him, because she highly doubted that he had grown so much as an individual, that he would tell her when she could answer back.

Merlin felt the determination she had concerning saving Arthur and Mordred rise to an even higher level in her chest, as he let her out of the hug. The others looked on with curious expressions, as he had not spoken loud enough for them to hear. Arthur stepped back and Gaius pulled her into his embrace and spoke even lower to her so she had to stain her ears to be able to make out what he said.

"Be careful Merlin. This is likely to be Morgana´s last chance at victory so she will not hesitate to kill you. You may not be my daughter by blood but in all other ways you are, so be careful and bring that boy back so I can meet my future son in-law probably."

Merlin could have wept so moved was she by his words, but the risk of the others finding out was too great. Instead, she gave a small nod that went unnoticed by the rest of their little farewell party; Gaius pulled back and smiled at her before he turned to Evalyn.

"Remember what I told you. Be safe the both of you."

With those words, he turned and went for the horse one of the stable hands held ready for him. Merlin really wanted to tell him that he should also be careful but had no choice but letting him go without it, and hoping that he knew she would have said it were she able. Merlin received another hug from each of the knights before they also went to their horses.

"If Merlin keeps getting better while we are away Evalyn, tell her my chambers could use a good cleaning and that she should also muck out the stables."

With that the King went to the Queen's horse to wait for her there as to give her time to say goodbye. Gwen hugged first Evalyn and then Merlin.

"Do take care and don´t make her do his chores if she recovers. If she does just tell her to relax so she can be good and ready when we come back, as I am sure Arthur will need her both as his servant but more as his best friend. Take care."

Evalyn curtsied in a way that made Merlin want to send her a glare, because had it been her who had curtsied that low she would have fallen flat on her face. She might be able to be graceful in some ways but not in any way that would be socially acceptable, curtsying, riding, eating and so forth were her enemies, but if one saw her when she was fighting with either magic or a knife they would not be able to say she was not graceful.

Merlin snapped out of her thoughts and saw she had almost missed them leaving the courtyard, as it was she only saw the last of the party. Evalyn took Merlin by the arm and started to guide her to Gaius´ chambers, Merlin followed like a good little dog and really wished the charade were over because it was no fun at all to be a lost puppy.

"Gaius packed some things for us this morning before he had to meet with the King at dawn. He said almost everything you could expect to need is packed for you except for the book under your bed."

Merlin looked at Evalyn with big startled eyes and a slightly open mouth. If Gaius had said that, it would have to mean that he was aware of Evalyn knowing of her magic, but she supposed that it should not be such a surprise as he lived here, and it was here Evalyn had learned of it while taking care of her.

"And I packed my own stuff last night so we are ready to go just as soon you have the last of your things, and I am guessing you will want to change your dress into pants and a shirt?"

"Yes I would like that very much; it is easier to… wait a second… you're packed? Why have you packed? Where are you going?"

Merlin ended up being very confused. Had she missed something that she was supposed to know, and if that was the case then what had she missed. Evalyn smiled a crooked smile at Merlin, which only served to make her even more confused than she already was.

"Don't be silly Merlin; I am coming with you of course. Well, till we reach the healers tent at least as I would be absolutely useless on the battlefield, besides Gwaine would not want me on the battlefield any more than I want me on it."

Merlin had no idea what she was supposed to say to that. On one hand, she wanted to tell the other woman that she should stay here where she would be safe, on the other she knew that there could never be too many who knew about caring for a wound at the battlefield. In the end, she just nodded at Evalyn and sent her off after her things while she herself redressed, looked over the things Gaius had packed for her, and found her magic book to pack in the bag too.

She was just about finished when Evalyn came back with her backpack and a tray with food. While Merlin knew that they had to wait for nightfall before they could leave, she just wanted to leave right away. This way they would end up being half a day behind the army, and while they were only two and the army many more, they moved swiftly as to make it to Camlann before Morgana could get there. Nevertheless, there was no telling how fast Morgana would make it there with her army of Saxons and sorcerers and the battle could be over before Merlin ever got there.

There was also the small matter of getting there before Mordred got to Arthur, because while she knew Arthur was a master at swordsmanship, he had trained Mordred since he had arrived in Camelot so Mordred had improved much and all it really took was a lucky break. In addition, if Morgana really wanted Arthur dead, she was not above having Mordred using magic on Arthur to achieve just that.

The day slowly turned into night as the two women were talking about everything and nothing to make the time pass. When the bell rang at midnight they both stood up and grabbed their backpacks, Merlin was just about to leave the room when a sudden impulse hit her. She told Evalyn to wait a moment as she went up to her small room, and reached behind her cupboard and pulled out the old Sidhe staff. It had been years since she had last used it, and as such had almost forgotten that she had it, it was wrapped in a purple cloak that Merlin had also bought a long time ago but never used.

Soon after they were moving through the forest at a steady pace, the moon was out to light the way but all the trees made sure the forest stayed too dark to be able to ride fast. Evalyn was laughing so hard that she almost fell off the horse while Merlin kept sending evil glares at her.

"I am sorry Merlin, but you should really see yourself right now. How no one has ever noticed when you have snuck out of the city is beyond me if this was an example of how you do it."

Merlin just glared even harder at Evalyn who just kept laughing at her. So, she had some hay stuck in her hair, some mud just about everywhere and was soaking wet, but that was not her fault. That water barrel had come out of nowhere!

"How does one even manage to trip over nothing, fall face first into the hay only to then get up tilting over the water barrel so they get soaked, and not only that, then not being able to stay on their feet long enough to get out of all the water? How is it even possible to be that clumsy?"

"I got us out of the city didn't I? Granted it took more running then I am used to having to do to get out, but we got out."

Not long before the sun rose they made a small camp by a stream so the horses could rest, Merlin could get out of the cold wet clothes and they could all get a bite to eat. Merlin was looking through the bag Gaius had packed for her and frowned at the contents of it, there were no pants or shirts but a dress. _A dress! _She knew that he would rather she wore dresses instead of men clothes, but dresses were so terribly constricting when you were in the woods. Merlin sighed and pulled it out only to realize that the dress was not one she had seen before, she figured she should just be happy that there were any spare clothes at all packed for her. She washed in the steam to get all the mud off before she hurriedly pulled the dress over her head, as she was smoothing out the wrinkles she felt the unbound bonds at the back of dress.

"Evalyn could you give me a hand with this?"

Evalyn looked up at her from where she was pulling some bread from a pouch, Merlin almost started to laugh at the expression on her face, until she remembered that that look was there because she was looking at her.

"What? Did I not get all the mud and hay? It is a little difficult when there is no proper light."

Evalyn did not answer her but smiled at her before she came over and bound her laces. They sat and ate in silence as the dark of the night made way for the gray of dawn, before they laid down to sleep for a short while as they would be of no help if they were too exhausted to even stand. Merlin dreamt of battles and death and Morgana´s army sneaking up on Arthur´s from behind, she woke up and scrambled onto her feet before running to the steam and looking into it. She tried concentrating on Arthur but nothing happened, so she had to go through her mind trying to remember a Seer´s spell she had read, the only question was if it would work for her as her magic was different, but there was only one way to find out.

"Diegol cnytte, gewitte me Arthur yst."

At first, there was no change to observe in the water but just as she was going to try once more, the water cleared and showed Arthur gathered around a table with maps on it with some of the captains. Merlin looked closer at the maps, trying to see if the path was on it and they just kept missing it. There just by Arthur´s hand was a small path drawn, Merlin knew that her next action could either reveal her or Arthur could just think his mind was having fun with him, she hoped for the latter as she started to speak in low tones.

"Look for a path. There should be a small path into this valley, where is it? Is it by my hand maybe? There. Make some of the troops go keep watch, if you remembered it, then so might Morgana."

The water showed only Merlin´s reflection when she sat back before jumping to her feet. She stared at the woman looking back at her in it; she now understood the way Evalyn had stared at her. The dress was formfitting and deep red, which made her pale skin stand out in contrast to the long black hair that hung loose over her shoulders down to her waist. She had no time to waste by standing there staring at herself. She turned on her heel while she yelled at Evalyn to get up.

In no time, they were ready to move on. Merlin just needed to apply the purple cloak, which would make her look the part of the powerful witch all the more believable. It had the same cuts as she had seen on Morgana´s black cloak, only it had wider sleeves and a larger hood, it would serve well at hiding her face from view. As they rode on Merlin made sure the hood was up as they neared the camp of the healers, the closer they came, the more magic Merlin was able to feel, she felt the magic of the druids and those Morgana had gathered to fight for her.

Gwen came running out of the tent in the front only to come to a sudden stop.

"Evalyn, what are you doing here? Where is Merlin?"

Merlin paid them no mind as she felt Morgana´s magic at the far of end of the valley. The sounds of war, clashing swords and screams of pain were also largely ignored, as her magic screamed in joy as it found Mordred´s, however it turned to fury when she felt the dark taint of the Fomorroh in him. She tried to reach out to him but it was like he was not even in his own body, and the very thought of it scared Merlin. What if Morgana had somehow managed to find a way to kill Mordred´s spirit, without harming the body? Merlin decided that she could not, and should not think like that.

"My lady, it is good that you are here."

Merlin turned her head towards the speaker who was an elderly druid woman, gathered behind her were more druids who were all bowing at her. Merlin felt extremely uncomfortable that they bowed to her; she was not someone to bow down before. She figured she would have to address them before she rode on. She made sure to keep her voice an octave lower in a way to hide who she was for Gwen.

"Don't bow before me. I am just like anyone of you, and I am here like you because it is right. I thank you for coming to our aid."

"Excuse me my lady."

Merlin smiled when she heard Gwen address her as such, she turned to her while she made sure her face was in the shadow of the hood, so her facial features could not be recognized by the Queen.

"I am no lady my Queen, I am a merely commoner, I am very sorry to say that I cannot stay here for much longer so your questions for me will have to wait for a better time. I only have one thing I need to ask of the druid healers. Have none of you felt the Fomorroh that are present inside of the druid knight Mordred?"

Merlin heard Gwen gasp, and could only assume that it was because she remembered when one had been placed in Merlin herself. Most of the druids shook their heads but a young woman who looked about 16 frowned.

"Do you mean the pulsing presence? The cold one?"

"Yes."

"I did not know what it was Lady Emrys. Pardon me, but you said the one in Sir Mordred, then what is the other one?"

"The other? You can feel its body. Where is it? I can only feel the head."

"It is with Lady Morgana, Lady Emrys."

Merlin felt like jumping with joy at hearing it was so close but also a little worried she would have to confront the other witch, as she had hoped it would not come to that. Morgana would surely expose her if given the chance, and that Merlin was still not sure she was ready for even if she had realized she might not get out of this battle with her secret intact. She was also not sure that the reason she was so worried about Arthur finding out was not just because she had lied to him for so many years, the recent `betrayal` of Mordred did not help matters either. Merlin now knew once more how Arthur looked with betrayal in his eyes and she hoped she would never be the one to put it there.

Merlin nodded at the druids and Evalyn before she bowed to the Queen from the saddle; she kicked the horse forward so she could join the battle. However, the horse would not go all the way to the battleground, as it could smell the blood, fear and death in the air, so Merlin got off, and took her things down to hide them by a rock. The horse she let run, as she knew it would just run back to the healers' camp.

Merlin checked to make sure the hood still covered her face before she took the Sidhe staff in hand and started walking at a brisk pace to the battle ahead. As she rounded a Cliffside, she quickly realized that she would need to get to higher ground as to better see where she was in need of the most, and to keep an eye on both Arthur and Mordred. The only way she knew Mordred had not found Arthur yet, was because her magic kept telling her that he was coming this way.

She found the higher ground she was looking for, but when she looked over the battlefield, she almost wished she had not. Her heart broke when she took in the devastation in front of her; the ground was littered with the dead and the dying, magic flying through the air before it hit its target and a person joined the others on the ground, soldiers fighting for their lives against each other and magic wielders.

Merlin´s sorrow at the sight turned into raw fury, not just at Morgana but also at herself. She was the one who had not had the heart to kill Morgana when she had had the chance. She saw a group of Saxons were about to overpower one of the knights of Camelot, she pointed her staff at them and threw her magic through it, as it made impact the Saxons flew away from the knight.

There was a shriek from above and Merlin looked up, high up Aithusa flew over looking down. Looking for something, he let out another shriek and Merlin saw what he had found. Mordred was moving in on Arthur on the ground and Aithusa from above, Merlin kept her eyes on Aithusa as she screamed at her.

"Nun de ge dei s'eikein kai emois epe'essin hepesthai!"

Aithusa shrieked furiously at her but obeyed nonetheless. As Aithusa flew away with Morgana screaming at her to attack Arthur, Merlin jumped down from her rock formation and landed on her feet for once. As she made her way through the battle all the fighting stopped as she came near to part before her, she let her magic flow off her; this was the reason for her magic, this moment in time. The magic wielders bowed to her as she passed but she paid them no mind, her sole focus was Arthur and Mordred.

She sidestepped the King and stopped in front of him as she was facing Mordred, who looked right through her like she was not even there. She tilted her head a little, as she looked at him when he came nearer, the Mordred she loved was nowhere to be seen in his eyes, they were the same gray/blue they had always been but they were void of life. They were cold in a way Merlin could feel all the way into her bones, his whole face looked dead.

"Emrys?"

Arthur asked behind her in a uncertain voice that was somehow at the same time filled with relief, Merlin got the feeling that he had thought she would abandon them all to their fate and got a little mad at his lack of faith in her.

"Yes I am Emrys, Sire. Mordred stop."

She put her will into her command, and Mordred was like frozen to the ground, he could not move before she wanted him to.

`Well that would have been nice to know I was able to do. I could have used that so many times in the past.`

Merlin walked over to him and circled him once before she came to a stop in front of him once more. Arthur came up on her side but she mainly ignored him for now as he made no move to strike Mordred down, she figured she did not have to worry about that as Arthur did not believe in killing a defenseless man as there was no honor in it.

"Now what shall I do with you my dear Mordred? I cannot just leave you here while I take care of that monstrous thing in your head."

Merlin stood mumbling to herself.

"What do you mean a thing in his head? He joined Morgana. Why do you not just kill him?"

Merlin spun around to face Arthur and he backed up a bit when she snarled at him, even as she felt Morgana coming their way.

"I will not `just kill him`! He has a Fomorroh in his head, which controls him; he has no control over anything he does. I believe you know of a Fomorroh, your maid, Merlin had one in her head once and kept trying to kill you but did not succeed."

Arthur was just about to answer back when a cold voice could be heard of to the side.

"Emrys, you came. I had heard you were _indisposed._"

Arthur spun around quickly at the sound of his half-sisters voice and raised his sword in front of him, Merlin however turned slowly as if she had all the time in the world. Morgana stood in front of them with a glazed look in her eyes, Merlin felt bad for the once so beautiful woman. She was still the most beautiful woman Merlin had ever laid eyes on but only if you did not look at her eyes, the eyes were windows to the soul, and Morgana´s soul was a rotten corpse. The insanity shone out of her and Merlin could barely recognize her old friend in the woman who now stood before her.

"Hello Morgana."

_**So tell me: is this story going to end very soon or should I try to keep it going?**_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Arthur POV

They had arrived at the valley of Camlann; it was a barren landscape consisting of rock formations and dirt. The different tents were raised first, as the night was starting to fall; the shadows had grown long some time ago. Some of the knights kept shooting nervous glances at the sorcerers, and really, who could blame them? They might be on their side but everyone in Camelot had learned to fear magic in all its forms, Arthur did not completely trust them either, but that was also the result of being taught since he was born that all magic wielders were evil, that magic was corrupted.

The recent development with Mordred did not help matters either in showing magic could be good, when it had been revealed that Mordred had magic, Arthur had seen it as a blessing in disguise. A knight of Camelot having magic, surely his father was turning in his grave at the thought, but a knight protected the kingdom and its people, and Mordred had been so kind even if he did seem a little cold. However, in the end he had turned to Morgana, the betrayal stung hard in Arthur´s chest, he had taken the druid in and taught him all he needed to know.

What Arthur did not understand was how Merlin had trusted Mordred with her heart. Merlin, who never trusted anyone, she had not trusted Mordred either at the beginning, but Arthur had ignored it because he had just thought it her normal wariness towards all newcomers. But she had started to trust him so Arthur had not thought anymore of it, now however he could not help but wonder; did she start to trust Mordred of her own will, or had he used magic to make it happen? If that was the case, had he then also used magic to get in her bed?

Arthur remembered a time where he had wanted to be the one in her bed, it had been not long after she had arrived in Camelot, now he shuddered at the very thought of it. Time had passed and he had started to look at her like one would a younger sister, and since she was his sister by all but blood Mordred would regret ever getting close to her. Merlin had always been the strongest person Arthur had ever met, and Mordred had somehow broken her, that was just not something Arthur would ever be able to forgive.

As Arthur was in bed with Gwen he could not help but worry about Merlin, the last two weeks had been torture as the reports of Morgana and Mordred burning down village after village, and his best friend had not been there to give him advice like she had for the last decade. When he had seen her go down in the small council chambers he had been terrified, nothing Gaius had tried had made her respond in any way, he had even had the druid leader Inir try to talk to her in her mind, but he had said she was not even responding there. The three druids had looked devastated and Arthur had thought the druids really were a people who did not wish anyone harmed.

"It will all work out Arthur. Morgana will not be able to beat us. Or is it Merlin you are worried about?"

"I know she will not beat us. We will win over her, we have to. However, yes it was Merlin I was thinking about, she really is the bravest, strongest, and kindest person I know and I just don't understand how he could betray her, us, like that."

Gwen turned to him so she had an arm under her head.

"Arthur you cannot think of it like that, if you meet him tomorrow in battle you must be able to see him as the enemy instead of the druid boy you saved or the young knight who stole the heart of your best friend."

Arthur knew she was right but it was hard. Mordred had become a trusted friend, or so he had thought but recent events showed otherwise. Nevertheless, as there was nothing to do about it now so he kissed his beautiful wife goodnight and settled down to sleep.

The next morning, dawn colored the sky red and if Arthur had been one to believe in omens he would have taken this as a bad one, but as it was, he only saw it as a sign that there would be no rain to worry about creating too much mud to stay standing. Gwen left for the main healer tent to make ready for the stream of wounded there was likely to be at the end of the day. Even if Arthur was worried she had joined him here he was proud to call her his Queen, she was not one to hide if there was even a small chance that she could be of help.

He was looking at a map over the valley with some of the captains and Inir, he knew he was forgetting something about the valley but he was not sure what. He had been through this very valley many times as a prince, but that was so many years ago that he had forgotten a very important thing, the problem was that Morgana had also been through here many times so if she remembered what he could not she might be able to use it against them. He once more wished Merlin had been there as she had an uncanny ability to remember such things, it really was a nuisance how she could remember those kinds of things, but if it had to do with her chores she forgot the most basic instructions.

"_Look for a path. There should be a small path into this valley, where is it? Is it by my hand maybe? There. Make some of the troops go keep watch, if you remembered it, then so might Morgana."_

´Now even my thoughts sound like Merlin.´

Nonetheless, he looked at where his hand was and sure enough, there was a small passage drawn on the map. He gave one of the captains an order to send some soldiers to keep watch there and be ready to intercept anyone who tried to ambush them. Not long after he heard the unmistakable sounds of swords clashing against swords, a young soldier came running into the tent.

"My lord they tried to ambush us."

At the same time, Leon came running in.

"Sire, they are moving in on us."

Arthur picked up his helmet and sword, joined the soldiers, knights, and sorcerers out front, he sheathed his sword, and placed his helmet under his arm before he stepped in front of the men.

"My people… we are here today because Morgana wants to take what is not hers. We are here because we believe in our right to live. We are here to prove that we do not bow to her just because she has power; we are here because we want to protect the future we are trying to build for us all no matter our background, be it magical or non-magical. If Morgana seizes power she would be a tyrant as she has proven before. I am proud to fight alongside you all. We fight for Camelot! For the love of Camelot!"

"FOR CAMELOT!"

The sound of the army's shout rose high in the air like a mighty roar before they charged against the enemy. They made a nice dent in the enemy army but Arthur could quickly see that they were not only outnumbered not only soldier wise but also magic wise, while the magic wielders on their side sent crippling magic, Morgana´s sent deadly. He had yet to meet Mordred but had a feeling it was just a matter of time. Suddenly he saw a bunch of Saxons flying high in the air and get thrown back, he looked to see who did it but the knight standing where the Saxons had been, looked just as confused about what had happened as Arthur himself did.

There was a shriek from above and Arthur looked up partly in terror and partly in awe, it was Morgana´s white dragon, how she had ever earned the loyalty of the beast he did not know. The dragon looked at him and made to strike when a voice cut through the air like a warm knife through butter.

"Nun de ge dei s'eikein kai emois epe'essin hepesthai!"

The dragon stopped mid attack, shrieked in what sounded to Arthur like fury, turned, and flew away. In the distance Arthur could hear Morgana screaming at the beast to come back. He turned to where the voice had come from and saw a woman standing on a tall rock formation; she was wearing a purple cloak with a deep hood that hid her face in shadow, long black hair fell to the woman's waist from under it. Arthur could make out a red dress underneath the cloak; in one hand, she held a funky looking staff Arthur had never seen the likes of even if there was something faintly familiar about it.

Arthur felt sure that she was the legendary Emrys he had heard so much about, she jumped down from the formation and disappeared from view, he saw sorcerers step back and bow as she made her way through but he did not keep looking as he felt in his gut he was being observed. He turned away from her, and saw Mordred coming towards him with his sword in hand, this was it, he thought, as he made ready to fight, and possibly kill his best friend's lover. As he came nearer Arthur frowned because something seemed off about him, the way he held himself and the look in his eyes.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the witch step around him and in front of him like she was trying to protect him and maybe in some way Mordred too, he remembered that Emrys and Mordred were apparently close friends, he could only hope that it did not mean she would join him. He was now very sure it was indeed Emrys standing in front of him as he felt the power flowing from her, he could not help but be a little apprehensive of her, but he had to know what she was doing.

"Emrys?"

Arthur cringed at how uncertain his voice came out, he was the King and instead he sounded like a scared little boy who had been caught stealing cookies in the palace kitchen by the cook. Mordred was still coming closer but Emrys did not seem overly concerned about that as she replied,

"Yes, I am Emrys, Sire. Mordred stop."

Arthur´s eyes went wide when he saw Mordred freeze in the moment she had said it, Arthur could not help but think that it was lucky both of Mordred´s feet were on the ground as he would otherwise have fallen. At the same time he was in awe over the woman´s powers, she seemed to be younger than him but not by much. There was a nagging in the back of his head telling him that he should know who she was, there was something awfully familiar about her, in the way she moved and in her voice but he could not quite place it.

Arthur looked on as Emrys circled Mordred once before she stopped in front of him muttering.

"…my dear Mordred? I cannot just leave you here while I take care of that monstrous thing in your head."

He did not catch it all but what he did made no sense, the way she called him my dear Mordred made him believe that they were much more than mere friends. However, that would either mean he was unfaithful to Merlin, which would give Arthur one more reason to want to kill him, or that they had a history from before he got together with Merlin. What did she mean when she was talking about something in his head? Arthur hated not knowing what was going on around him; it reminded him of all the times Merlin´s stories did not match up.

"What do you mean a thing in his head? He joined Morgana. Why do you not just kill him?"

"I will not `just kill him`! He has a Fomorroh in his head, which controls him; he has no control over anything he does. I believe you know of a Fomorroh, your maid, Merlin had one in her head once and kept trying to kill you but did not succeed."

Emrys spun around and hissed at him with so much venom in her voice, that Arthur automatically took a step back from her. For a brief moment Arthur was sure she was going to attack him, he was also confirmed in his belief that she loved Mordred and would probably kill for him if need be.

He remembered that Gwen had told him, not long after they had married, that Merlin had tried to kill him once because Morgana had infested her with one of those things, but no one knew that he knew. Alternatively, so he had thought, but apparently, Emrys had known. Gwen had tried to explain to him that Merlin had had no control over her actions, that Morgana had dictated them all. It did explain Mordred's behavior a little though as Arthur had not wanted to believe that Mordred was a traitor, even if all the facts had told another tale.

"Emrys, you came. I had heard you were _indisposed._"

Arthur spun around quickly at the sound of his half-sister's voice and raised his sword in front of him, even though he knew it would do him no good against her it was a reflex as she was a threat. All he could hope to achieve from this was to get away with his life or that Emrys would step in. He hated the fact that he would probably not be able to beat Morgana in a fight where she was likely to use magic, but that did not mean that he would not try if he had to.

"Hello Morgana."

Arthur kept his eyes on Morgana even as Emrys came into his line of sight, the way she held herself said she had no fear of Morgana and Arthur was not sure if it was stupidity or that she really had nothing to fear from her. He was however surprised at the amount of pity he heard in her voice. It was like when Gwen or Merlin spoke of Morgana, well as Gwen had sounded before she had killed Elyan.

"You were misinformed as you can see. Why have you done this Morgana?"

Arthur thought it a dumb question but Morgana´s laughter told him that it might not be such a stupid one after all. Morgana smirked at Emrys and him as she walked up to Mordred and ran a hand down his chin, the air around Emrys turned cold and Arthur felt as it wrapped around him, it felt like little knives penetrating the skin all over his body all at once.

"Don't you like it? He is so much more manageable like this, and there is of course that prophecy about him killing Arthur. Oh, are you surprised I know of it? Never mind that. Now tell me _Emrys _how did you get Aithusa obey you?"

Now that was one of the questions Arthur would like answered too so he let them talk while he kept an eye on the battle going on around them, but for some reason everybody stayed clear of them, he figured it was probably because of the two witches who were ebbing power. Emrys tilted her head a little to one side and Arthur could just make out a little smile on her lips.

"Because she has to obey me my friend, I am her mother. Let Mordred go, Morgana."

How could she be the dragon's mother? She had to be lying instead of telling Morgana the truth. The rage in Morgana´s eyes blazed with a fury that frightened Arthur a little, what was Emrys up to? Why did she antagonize Morgana like that?

"_Friend? _We stopped being friends when you poisoned me! Mordred is mine now."

Morgana jerked her head forward and her eyes flashed gold, Arthur flew back but landed on his feet, when he looked up again Emrys was standing in the same place as she was before. How it was possible Arthur had no idea but he started to feel hope blossom in his chest, maybe they were going to win after all.

"You will have to do better than that Morgana. I have embraced who I am; you are no match for me anymore. You have taken one of the things I care the most about and it is time I take it back."

With that, Emrys raised a hand a little before she pressed it down towards the earth; Morgana sank to her knees with a groan of pain. Arthur became even more relieved that she was on his side if this was a taste of the power she could yield, and also he thanked his lucky stars that Merlin had warned him against trying to use her, if not he might have tried to find her and do just that.

"Embraced it? You hide your face as if you are ashamed of whom you are. You have embraced nothing! You will always be a worthless maid."

So, she was a maid. That explained how she knew so much of what was going on inside of Camelot, the servants knew everything there was to know. However, even if it laid that question to rest it opened up for many more. Who was she? She had apparently been close to Morgana before she had poisoned her, which also opened a question; when and why had Morgana been poisoned?

"I am not ashamed Morgana but there is no need to show my face as many already know it. I know you have the mother beast on you, so why do you not just hand it over to me? "

Arthur started to make his way around them to try to get behind Morgana. While he thought it cowardly to attack someone with his or her backs turned, he would make an exception for her. If he could distract her long enough, for Emrys to do her thing he would be glad, but he never got far before Morgana pulled out a jar, with some kind of snake with multiple heads in it. Arthur´s stomach turned when he realized that that was a Fomorroh and a part of it was inside of Mordred´s head controlling him.

However, as she made a move to hand it over, her other hand shot out and a strong wind could be seen leave it. Emrys must have been unprepared for that move; she flew back and landed on her hands and knees. Her hood had fallen back to reveal her head, it was turned down but something in Arthur told him that she did not need to look up for him to know just who had been hiding under the hood.

Everything in him told him that it would be his best friend's face he would see when she looked up, it all pointed to her. Logically he knew Merlin was back in the Citadel, but there were the little things he had always ignored. Her never ending good luck of getting them out of a tight situation, the voice he had heard this very morning that had sounded so much like her. The relationship between Emrys and Mordred could also be explained if that was the case. In addition, he had been so sure that when he had said goodbye to her at the castle stairs he had caught her eyes, in a brief moment he could have sworn he had seen pain and anger in them.

Emrys looked up with a glare directed at Morgana as she got on her feet again. What made Arthur stare at her in shock was not that he had been right about whom it was there, under the hood, no it was the look on her face and her eyes. Arthur had never seen Merlin with a look of pure hatred before and it scared him to see it now, there was more rage shown on her face than Arthur had ever believed the good-natured maid capable of. Her eyes were small slits, which shined a vibrant gold instead of the vibrant blue Arthur had grown so used to.

"Give me that jar!"

Merlin held out the staff in front of her so the tip pointed at Morgana, from it shot a lightning bolt that made Arthur back up even more, as he realized this was a fight he had no business getting involved in. He looked over at Mordred who was still frozen in place, he was a little worried they would hit him with the magic they were throwing at each other, but none of it came near him.

"She is beautiful, isn´t she?"

Arthur almost stabbed the person talking to him, as he had not heard him coming up to him, as he looked around he saw that the battle was over and night was slowly creeping up on them. The ground was littered with corpses and healers were moving around looking for survivors, there were also many who were watching the same fight he was, all with awe on their faces. Gwaine stood beside him and looked at Merlin with a look of pride in his eyes even if there was also worry there.

They all looked at Merlin as their younger sister and as such wanted to protect her, but this was a fight only she would be able to win and it did not sit well with either of the men. Arthur looked back at the fight to see that Merlin had a strong upper hand. Every movement she made was precise just like when she was fighting with knives, whereas Morgana´s were starting to get sloppy from exhaustion.

Arthur had no problem seeing what Gwaine saw when he focused on Merlin. The grace with which she moved made it look like she was dancing; her hair fell down her back like a waterfall in stark contrast to her pale skin. The cloak was burned in places from Morgana´s magic, but Morgana looked like she could not take much more; she was covered in dirt and blood from gashes, her hair was total disarray around her.

"Yes she is. You don't seem surprised that she had magic. You knew, didn't you?"

"Yes I knew. I have known for years, but she found out I knew about half a year ago. And before you ask, I knew she would be here."

Arthur was about to demand more answers when Merlin got the jar summoned to her, it flew through the air and before Morgana could do anything Merlin sent a ball of fire at it. Morgana shrieked in fury, as the flames consumed the jar and the beast inside. Of to the side a groan of pain was heard from Mordred.

"This is not the last you have heard from me Emrys! The throne of Camelot is mine by right."

With those last words Morgana disappeared in a whirlwind, Merlin stood glaring at the place Morgana had disappeared from until another groan was heard, she dropped her staff and ran to Mordred who collapsed as she let go of the magic binding him to the spot.

"Mordred!"

Arthur had no idea what to do with himself, the battle was over but the war raged on. For now he just stood looking at his best friend in the whole world, who had never told him who she really was, fall to her knees in front of the man she loved.

"Mordred… Look at me. Mordred, please look at me."

He watched as Merlin placed her hands under Mordred´s chin and forced his head up to look at her. He became a little uncomfortable as she started to plant desperate kisses on the poor man.

"Merlin?"

"Yes Merlin."

"What happened? Morgana…"

Merlin cut off Mordred´s questions by starting to kiss him full on, Arthur became even more uncomfortable when the kiss looked like it was deepening, as Mordred´s arms closed around Merlin´s body. Arthur started to look around to anywhere else but at the couple, feeling extremely embarrassed. However, it became too much for him, when he heard Merlin moan and an answering groan, he cleared his throat, which caused Gwaine to laugh loudly, at the same time as he heard Merlin gasp in surprised shock.

"Come on, princess that is not bad. I have walked in on them multiple times and while that was awkward at first they got used to it."

Arthur felt horrified at that information. Gwaine kept walking in on Merlin and Mordred being intimate? While he knew they probably were intimate, and the sounds he had just heard kind of made it hard to believe otherwise, he did not need to have it confirmed by another. Merlin and Mordred got to their feet and moved a little closer to them, Arthur noticed they both had the same look in their eyes. It was a look, he had seen on them both before, but had never paid attention to it on Merlin´s face; it was the look Mordred had, when he was using telepathy.

Arthur saw Mordred close his eyes as a look of unbearable pain took over his face, Arthur figured that Merlin had probably given him the run through of what had transpired. Merlin herself wore a calm mask, but Arthur was able to see how nervous she really was, it was all in her eyes. When they stopped in front of Gwaine and him, Merlin smiled a nervous smile.

"Ehm… Good evening my lord."

Arthur reached out and smacked her on the side of her head before he pulled her into a tight hug. It was becoming a bad habit to hug her all the time, but he needed to reassure himself that she was fine and that she was here. The secrets they could talk about later, now the most important thing was that they were alright.

"Don't you ever do that to me again, you hear me Merlin? Never again!"

_**How much do you all love me for not killing either Arthur or Mordred? **_

_**Please leave me your thoughts.. **_


	20. Chapter 20

_**I am sorry for the long wait and am sorry to say that there will likely be far between the chapters for a while as I think my muse is sick, and I have a bad case of scatterbrain at the moment. So sorry. **_

Chapter 20

Merlin could not believe what had happened, Morgana had ousted her to Arthur, and Arthur did not react at all as expected. He was not mad at her, well it did not seem like he was mad at her but had said they would talk later; Merlin imagined that that talk would probably consist of a lot of screaming. Merlin had the hood over her head once more to hide her face from view, the way the soldiers and druids stared at her and glared suspiciously at Mordred made her uncomfortable. Arthur was walking in front of them to the main camp by the healers' area; Gwaine was supporting Mordred beside her as he could barely stand on his feet.

"_Merlin I am so sorry. I never… I am so sorry."_

"_I already told you Mordred, you have nothing to say sorry for. It is not your fault."_

"_But Arthur…"_

"_Let me worry about Arthur."_

When they made it to the camp Gwen came running out of the tent, she ran straight into Arthur´s arms and kissed him for all she was worth. Merlin smirked at them, Arthur could not stand her kissing Mordred but here he was kissing his loved one in the same manner. It was desperate and filled with the relief of being together once more.

Gwaine apparently was of the same thought pattern as he started to laugh at the royal couple. From where Merlin was standing, she could see the red spreading over Gwen´s cheeks and down her neck. Arthur pulled back from the kiss but kept his arm around her, Gwen gasped when she looked their way.

"Emrys. Gwaine. Mordred. I mean he is Mordred again, right?"

Merlin nodded at her as Arthur looked from the Queen to Merlin and back again.

"He is fine now I think. You knew too? Does that also mean you know who she is?"

Merlin cringed a bit, he sounded frustrated that he was apparently, once again, kept out of the loop on what had been going on.

"What? No, well yes she told me about the Fomorroh when she dropped Evalyn off. But I don't know who she is, other than Emrys I mean, should I know who she is?"

Merlin smiled a little at the very Gwen like manner in which Gwen was trying to formulate herself. After she had been crowned Queen she had learned not to be so nervous when she talked, but there were still times when the old Gwen peeked out. Gwaine looked sharply at Merlin when he heard Evalyn was there.

"Evalyn is here? Why did you bring her with you?"

Merlin felt like running away and hiding, Gwaine looked at her as if he wanted to either hit her or kiss her for bringing Evalyn. Gwen was looking her over as if she were trying to figure out who she was, and Arthur, well the look in his eyes she could not make out. It was not Merlin however, who answered but Gwen.

"Yes she is here. She has helped a lot with the wounded. The captains are waiting for you in Bors´ tent; he was wounded but would not stay in the main tent. They are very tightlipped about something; I am assuming it has to do with Morgana?"

Arthur gave her a small nod before he stepped away from her.

"Gwaine, take Mordred to my tent and stay with him, Gwen could you please go with them as it concerns you too, and you miss witch get Gaius and Evalyn. I will be there as soon as I can."

Merlin sighed. She knew what this meant, it meant ´Merlin, you are going to get the others who knew before me so I can take care of that right away.´ Merlin grumbled as she turned to the main tent to do as she was told, her hands in her pockets and head down she kicked at every small rock on the way.

It was all dark out when she stood in front of the royal tent, trying to decide if she should just walk in or make her presence known beforehand. Some of the druid healers had wanted her opinion on some of the remedies they were using, and Gaius had said she would be happy to assist, what did she know about healing herbs? Nothing, that's what.

"_Merlin, just get in here. Everybody knows that you are standing out there. The Queen has not been told yet who you are. Still love me?"_

Merlin could hear the slight amusement in the beginning but the uncertainty had crept in at the end, she was sure Gwaine had already been talking to him about what had happened other than the brief run-through she had given him.

"_Of course I still love you. I will always love you."_

Merlin took a deep breath, pushed the tent flap to the side and went in. It was only Mordred and Gaius who did not look at her as she entered due to Mordred having his head on his arms over a table while Gaius stood over him removing the piece of Fomorroh at the back of his neck. She was a little surprised to see Percival and Leon in the tent even if she knew she should not, they were family and they deserved to be told, instead of hearing it from others.

"So we are here because Emrys wants to tell us her name. No, we are here because I want her to tell you. We all know her under another name, but before she removes the hood, I have a few questions. Gaius, how long have you known and how did you find out?"

Gaius put the last of his tools away while Mordred sat back in the chair and rubbed his neck before nodding at Gaius in thanks. Gaius turned to the King before he answered.

"I have known since she saved my life on the day she arrived in Camelot Sire. She was coming to see me and I fell from my book holdings under the loft, I would likely have broken my neck."

Gaius smiled at Merlin while Arthur just nodded to himself as if it made sense.

"Who was the next to find out?"

Merlin felt a sting of pain at the memories the question brought up, she knew none of the others would answer so she would have to answer.

"Lancelot. Lancelot was the next to find out. The griffin could only be killed by using magic, I enchanted the lance he used to slay it and he saw me doing it, my lord."

The pain was easy to see in everyone's eyes except for Mordred´s as he had never even known the man; he only knew what people told him. Even if it had been years since he had died to save everyone he was still dearly missed, and would always be.

"I was next I think. I felt her in the city as soon as I entered when I was still but a boy, and then I saw her in the main square. She betrayed me not long after but I know now why she did, but back then all I saw was that Emrys had betrayed me, I hated her for years."

"Then me I believe. I just watched and put things together. She found out I knew because I followed her one night, and if I had had any doubt before that, they would have been put to rest by her yelling at Killgarrah."

Merlin could see how Arthur put away the information about Killgarrah to ask about later, it was one of those things, she was not looking forward to telling him about. How could she expect him to be okay with her being the reason that so many had been killed by her actions? He would be furious, and rightly so, even if Merlin still thought she had done the right thing by freeing the dragon, he was kind so what else could she have done?

"I found out because she used magic in front of me."

Merlin was trying very hard to avoid Arthur´s piercing stare which was directed at her in a slightly accusing manner, Merlin really wanted to anywhere but here now. He did not look angry at her but one could never be too sure when they were dealing with Arthur, he was damned good at hiding it when he was irritated at her. Merlin turned pleading eyes to Mordred even if he could not see her eyes, so she sent them to him via the bond between their magic, Mordred started to smile a little at her while he shook his head at her.

The smile however did not reach his eyes, Merlin suspected it would take quite some time before he forgave himself for what he had done while under Morgana´s control. While he did not remember a thing he had done, his magic did and it was in pain, the kind of pain that could bleed into his soul if he wasn't careful.

"So they all knew before me. Well that is great! If Morgana had not made your hood fall off would you have told me?"

"Yes. Eventually I would, but not before the trial period on magic was over. I could not take the risk of it being installed once more and being banished or some other thing. The reason I have magic is to protect you, and I couldn't very well do that while being banished now could I?"

Arthur looked a little taken aback at her slightly aggressive come back. It was not her intention to come off as angry but she was slightly frustrated with it all. She was exhausted, from lack of sleep and the battle with Morgana, and now she had to deal with this. Mordred stood up and went behind her to wrap his arms around her, Merlin felt how uncertain he was with the action, not because of the others, but as if he was not sure if his touch was welcome.

Merlin put her hands on his arms before she sank into his embrace and took a deep breath, oh how she had missed the feel of his arms, the earthy smell of him.

"Why did you not just age yourself so I would not know who you are?"

"I don't know. Maybe I was tired of all the secrets. On the other hand, maybe I thought Morgana would tell you anyway, so what would have been the point? Maybe both? I just don't know."

Arthur did not look like her answer was good enough, but what could she say? She had not even thought about it; all she had cared about was saving him and Mordred in time. Either way she had lied to him. She was tired of lying, it was hard work and even if she sought no fame, it would be nice to get thanks just sometimes. Arthur rubbed the bridge of his nose before he waved at her with the other hand.

"Just drop the hood; I think we have everyone up to speed."

Merlin let go of Mordred´s arms, took hold of the hood and pushed it back. There was none of the startled gasps, she would have expected. Gwen did look at her as if she could not really believe her own eyes but at the same time, she did not look shocked. Leon however looked shocked and who could blame him? He had taught her to fight because they had all thought she did not know how. Percival had a little smile at the corners of his mouth, when Merlin looked at with question in her eyes, and he smiled at her.

"It just makes sense that is all. Lancelot told me once that you knew how to take care of yourself. For me it makes no difference as I know who you are, I know what is in your heart and you would never do anything to harm the King or the Kingdom."

Merlin broke out in a huge smile and would have hugged him, had it not been for the arms holding her against Mordred chest. His head was buried in her hair as if he were trying to hide from the world. In a way she could understand, when she had gotten free of Morgana´s control she too had felt like hiding. She still did not remember all of it but bits and pieces had started to shove up after a while.

"When I was first accused of witchcraft, when my father was healed, you said it was you who did it. Was it you? Did you heal my father?"

Merlin looked at Gwen who had tears in her eyes. She remembered felling helpless as her friend's father had fallen sick, the agony of not being able to help everyone but the decision to help him. She nodded at the Queen who then came over and hugged her, and Mordred since he had not let go of Merlin.

"Thank you Merlin."

Merlin smiled at Gwen when she was let out of the hug. Leon did not say anything to her but just nodded in an approving manner. After that was all over Gaius and Evalyn went back to the healers to see what more they could do, Leon, Percival, and Gwaine went too but Merlin had no idea as to where they went. Arthur and Gwen sat at the table while Merlin and Mordred still stood until Arthur bid them take seats.

"Merlin while I think I see why you didn't tell, I have to admit that… Well, why did you think you could not trust me with it? Did you think I would harm you? Merlin you are like a sister to me, do you really think so little of me?"

Merlin sighed and leaned forward in her chair so she rested her arms on the table, she looked down at her hands before answering. This was one of the questions she knew the answer to, even if she had answered it somewhat even if not in full. She trusted Arthur with her life; she loved him as he loved her, like a sibling.

"At first? No, I did not trust you at all, and you know that you would have handed me over to your father. In addition, he was one of the reasons why I did not tell you when he was still alive. You loved your father Arthur, and I did not want to be something you would have to hide from him. It would have been a secret, which could have destroyed the relationship the two of you had. In addition, when he died I could not tell you, because while I really did try to save him, he ended up dying because of an amulet I had not seen on him. I think that you would have hurt me in that moment, but later? No but I had no idea how to tell you, you are like a sibling to me too and I had lied for so long. I think the world of you but can you really blame me for being apprehensive?"

Merlin took a deep breath to fill the void it had created to get all of that out of her system. It felt good to be able to talk to him, for the first time it really occurred to Merlin that while she had not been completely alone with her burden of protecting Camelot, now she also had her best friend to talk to about it. This was actually one of the moments she had been waited on for years, if she was honest, she had for the last couple of years doubted it would ever come.

From what she could see, it looked like her points were being accepted as her being honest. Mordred had placed a hand on her thigh during her rant and it was very distracting to say the least, it might be the fact that his thumb was caressing it and it had been so long. Gwen sat looking at her with a new look in her eyes, Merlin would call it realization if she had to name it, but otherwise she stayed silent.

"Okay so I can see why you did not tell me. However, one other thing and then we can talk more when we get back in the city. If you knew Morgana had magic why did you not help her? Why did you let her turn against us?"

"I did try to help her, at first, and probably long after I should have stopped. Do you remember when she was ´abducted´ by the druids? Well, she was not abducted, I sent her there so she could learn about her powers and how to control them. I tried all I could think of to make her stay on the right path, but in the end nothing I did would have mattered."

Merlin bowed her head so they would not see the pain in her eyes. No matter how cruel Morgana was now, she had been a good friend once. But then Merlin remembered what her old friend had put her love through and all her sympathy flew out of the tent, Merlin still had unfinished business with Morgana over that but it would have to wait till the next time they crossed paths.

"What do you mean nothing would have mattered?"

This time Gwen asked, it was an uncertain voice as if she could not believe it. As if she was sure it was somehow everyone's fault that Morgana had turned against them.

"Morgana was always fated to turn bad Gwen."

Gwen shook her head at that and frowned. Arthur looked likewise a little confused at her statement, but how was she supposed to explain it? When she, herself was not quite sure about that entire destiny vs. fate. She knew it was not the same because the dragon had told her that but she was a bit hazy on the details.

"It means that no matter what anyone could have done it would have happened anyway. There is a difference between fate and destiny, fate is set in stone whereas destiny is shaped by our choices."

"You speak of destiny a lot come to think about it. What destinies do you know of?"

Merlin did not want to answer but he was the king and she had promised herself that she would not lie no matter the consequences. However, if Arthur were told of Mordred´s destiny what would happen then? Would he decide that he could not trust the druid knight? Merlin was not sure she could take the chance.

"I know of mine and of yours."

"What is yours then Merlin?"

"To protect you. Let me tell you it has not been easy saving your royal ass all the time. Do you have any idea how much trouble you get into?"

Merlin just managed to duck in time or she would have received a glove to the face. It never occurred to her to simply stop it in its path; she was so used to not using magic that she simply did not think that everyone knew about her now.

"I do not need you to protect me…"

"Please, you would have died many times over if not for me."

Merlin smiled at Arthur even as he glared at her for interrupting him. Then the look in his eyes changed to somewhat suspicious.

"One last thing and then you can find somewhere to sleep before we head back for Camelot in the morning. What's the prophecy about Mordred killing me? Morgana mentioned it during the fight."

Merlin felt Mordred tense beside her, she knew it was not her place to answer that question but Mordred´s it was after all him it had to do with. Gwen gasped at the news and looked worriedly at Mordred before her frightened eyes turned to Arthur. Merlin looked at Mordred with a small smile, which he did not return as he took a deep breath before he answered the King.

"It´s my destiny to kill you my Lord, and Morgana has apparently heard of it. I would, however, never do anything to hurt you my Lord. That is most likely why she decided to place the Fomorroh in me in the first place. I swore an oath on my life to protect you and this Kingdom with my life and I intend to keep it. I am so ashamed of what I have done these past few weeks, I know that I can never make up the harm I have done but please give me a chance to try."

Merlin was proud of the way he answered. It was perfect. However, would Arthur accept it?

"I believe you, but what you have done these past weeks is not something to be ashamed about. It was Morgana who committed those acts not you, that is not to say that some people will not be angry that I am letting you go. It is late and I wish to retire. Bright and early in the morning Merlin."

There was really no point in staying any longer for now even if they were not being dismissed for the night, Merlin was bone tired. It had been a stressing few days both physically and emotionally, with very little sleep, Merlin had used more magic than she usually did and it was quite draining so she actually felt like she could sleep where she sat.

Merlin and Mordred got up and bowed to the King and Queen before they left, hand in hand, all the while Merlin thought about how much Arthur really had changed over the years. She was proud of him, of all of them really, they had all grown so much over the last decade.

Arthur was no longer a stuck up prat of a prince but on the way to becoming the once and future King, Gwen was no longer a shy and timid maid but a Queen. Morgana was no longer sweet and kind but instead trying to kill them all, Mordred was no longer an angry boy going down the wrong path, and Gwaine was no longer just a drunk without a purpose but a knight.

Then there was Merlin herself. When she had come to Camelot, she had been so naïve of the way of the world. She had thought the best of everyone as opposed to now where she thought the worst. She was darker now, more jaded but Mordred was slowly chasing the darkness, which sometimes threatened to overtake her and bring her deep into depression.

It was hard finding a place to sleep, so in the end they just feel asleep sitting against the rocks by a campfire in each other's arms. Merlin felt safe in his arms, it was familiar and Merlin had missed it. She fell asleep wishing they were home in their chamber instead of a battlefield campsite, but she guessed she could wait one more day.

_**Please leave me your thoughts... Every review makes my day a little brighter. **_


	21. Chapter 21

_**I am sorry for the long wait but cannot promise as to when the next will be up. Please do not kill me for it.**_

_**Please leave me your thoughts. There are disappointingly few of you who do. :P **_

_**I mean come on. The last chapter had 309 visitors but 6 reviews... That is a bit depressing... **_

Chapter 21

The next mouth went by fast for Merlin. All her time was consumed by her duties for the King, her chores for Gaius, and taking care of Mordred, as he had taken it hard even if everyone kept telling him it was not his fault. At first he had been on the receiving end of some harsh looks and cruel remarks, but that had ended, or at the very least had toned down some, after Arthur told them what had happened and after that most of the people forgave him even if they still seemed distrustful of him and Merlin did not really blame them.

But no one was as hard on him as he himself was, he kept beating himself up over it and no matter what Merlin did she could not help him, so as time went on her anger at Morgana just grew. They were growing further apart because of his guilt and Merlin hated it. Mordred had nightmares about what he had done while under Morgana´s control but he would not tell Merlin about what he dreamt, he just got up from the bed to get dressed and then he left.

The knights had also tried talking to him but none of it helped and as such, Merlin would try one thing she had left up her sleeve before she would have to do something drastic. She had sent word to Kilgharrah and he would be there that night to talk to him, the only thing she was not comfortable with was the fact that he wanted to see Mordred alone. The dragon had promised not to hurt him but Merlin was done trusting him blindly, and she still needed to tell Mordred that Kilgharrah was coming to see him.

When Merlin was finished with her morning chores for Arthur, she set out to find her lover, if he could even be called that anymore, as he refused to touch her out of his guilt. They had only been together a few times since he had come back, and each time it had been Merlin, who had insinuated it. Before they had been together every day but that was a time passed and Merlin hoped it would come back, and that the dragon could help him realize that all he had done had only been his body doing Morgana's will, but not his mind so it had not been him.

Mordred was not very hard to find as he was on the training field at each and every opportunity he had, Merlin figured it was because he thought that if he was a better knight Morgana would never have caught him. Merlin stopped at the edge to admire him, he was training hand-to-hand combat with Percival and while Percival used his strength and size to his advantage,Mordred used it against him.

It was a warm day so they had both taken their shirts off and from Merlin's vantage point, she could see the sweat making their skin almost shine in the sun. While she could clearly see how well-proportioned Percival was with his well-defined muscles it was too much for her taste. Merlin went more towards the lean muscles that did not bulge, just like Mordred's. On him, you could see the muscles move under his skin but they did not stand out in a way that made Merlin want to use his abs as a washboard, no, on him she wanted to tease his skin with her tongueto make him flex them so she could feel them.

She frowned a little as she noticed that he had lost some weight, but she was brought out of her daydreaming by the giggling group of maids who stood a little off to the side. It was a small group she had seen trail around after Mordred the last couple of weeks, she was just able to make out some of their conversation.

"… he is so handsome, what I wouldn't give to have him in my bed."

They all sighed at that thought while Merlin rolled her eyes at them, she had heard this so many times that she was getting sick of it.

"I bet he is gentle and attentive. A dream come to life."

Merlin could not help herself and burst out laughing so hard that she had to hold her sides. Yeah he was gentle all right, one time out of ten or something like that. The girls were looking at her when she looked up from her bent over position. The one who seemed to be the leader of the group sneered at her.

"What are you laughing at? Everybody knows that you had to use magic to make him notice you."

Merlin had heard it many times over the past mouth and usually just brushed it off laughing but this time she lost it for no apparent reason. Her eyes narrowed and she jumped at the offending maid, but she was caught around the middle and pulled back against a hard body. Merlin fought the arms she was being held captive in and tried to get free, but she was held fast, she could hear calming words being said to her but she ignored them.

"MORDRED GET OVER HERE!"

Merlin kept trying to get free but it was no use so she started to call on her magic for aid, the maids stepped back in terror as her eyes started to glow gold, but before she could do anything there was a body in her line of sight. Merlin narrowed her eyes before she jerked her head to the side so the body was thrown away.

"STOP PLAYING AROUND MORDRED! YOU HAVE TO TREAT HER LIKE BEFORE!"

"But, Gwaine..."

"No Mordred! I cannot keep a hold of her and she needs you right now."

The body of whom Merlin assumed was Mordred was in front of her again, but she barely registered him only that he told the owner of the arms to let go and step back. Merlin let out a shriek and jumped forward once more, but like last time she was intercepted in the air but unlike last time she was thrown up against a nearby tree. The impact to the back of her head made her dizzy for a moment, but not so dizzy that she did not feel the fingers wrap around her neck or the body pressing against hers.

"_CALM DOWN EMRYS!"_

Mordred´s voice thundered through her head, even as she tried to throw him off her. Merlin tried to use magic on him again but apparently, it was more coherent than she was as it would not move him, but instead it pulled him closer to her if that was possible. Merlin´s anger slowly ebbed away as she felt his teeth nibble on her neck, her hands acted on their own accord and grasped the back of his head and forced his mouth to hers. Merlin let out a low moan when his tongue entered her mouth and started to tease hers into play.

Merlin felt like she was flying on a cloud of sensations as Mordred pressed his arousal against her, one of her hands glided down his neck and back. She was just about to sneak a hand down his trousers when a throat cleared nearby and Gwaine started to talk.

"Ehm guys, this is a little public even for you. You might want to stop that."

Merlin whimpered a bit when Mordred pulled back before groaning and resting his forehead on her shoulder, which made Merlin able to look over it to the audience. She felt the heat raise to her cheeks in shame and mortification at all the people who was staring at them with open mouths, there were so many more than before she lost her temper. The maids who had started it all were staring at both Merlin and Mordred in equal horror and Merlin could not help the small satisfaction she felt when she realized that they had just witnessed a side of Mordred they had not thought possible. A side that they did not like, if their earlier conversation about him being gentle was anything to go by.

Yes, Mordred was gentle but he was also cruel and harsh, but those were all things Merlin loved about him. Gwaine stood laughing his ass off at them and Merlin made a silent vow that the next time he stumbled drunk into Mordred and hers room she would not help him find his bed. No, she would help him to the doghouse and leave him there.

Merlin did not have time to take more of the scenery in as Arthur came running with a servant hot on his heels, however the King stopped when he reached the group and looked around with a confused look, which he would probably never admit to. Merlin felt herself get more red in the face as his eyes traveled from the still laughing Gwaine to Mordred who still had his head on her shoulder, a hand around her throat and one on her hip. The King narrowed his eyes at the hand around her neck that was just visible from the onlooker's point of view.

"Mordred! What are you doing? Let go of Merlin´s throat!"

Merlin felt like hitting the King when he barked at Mordred because Mordred stiffened in her arms and pulled back, but Merlin also felt his magic retreating away from hers and she was left feeling cold and lonely.

"Merlin, are you okay? I was told that you lost control but then I get here and it is clearly Mordred who was out of control."

Merlin just stood staring at the King trying to make sense of what had just happened, one moment she had been fine checking Mordred out and the next she flew into a rage, only to then be brought into a frenzy of unsatisfied lust. Gwaine snorted to the side before he answered Arthur in Merlin´s place.

"Yeah princess she is fine. She was the one who lost it. In addition, Mordred did lose control but not the way you think. That there was actually the most normal I have seen him since Camlann. What are you people staring at? Don't you have something better to do?"

Even though Mordred had retreated into a shell of sorts Merlin was able to feel his slight shock that Gwaine thought he had not been acting normal beforehand. Merlin felt his magic wrap around her in a familiar way that sent tingles down her spine, she felt him gently probe her mind in a way to ask permission. Merlin could not help smile that he was gentle considering this whole mess had started because of how rarely he was it.

"_What does he mean I have not been acting like myself?"_

"_What? You cannot seriously think that the way you have been for the last month is normal for you? You have been like a shadow of yourself. Now that we are at it, Kilgharrah would like to talk to you tonight but alone. I do not think that he will harm you as he has promised not to."_

"That is very rude doing that."

Arthur talking to her, while he had his arms crossed over his chest startled Merlin out of her thoughts. Had he asked her something? She really had no idea. The last couple of days she had been a little scatterbrained, even if Arthur kept insisting that being scatterbrained was normal for her.

"Excuse me Sire?"

"That talking in your minds thing. It is very rude to the people around you, just for your information. Come on Merlin we have to talk for a moment, and considering that you have the time to be out here you have the time to come with me."

With that, the King turned and walked away, like always just expecting Merlin to keep up, but Merlin just stood staring after him with what she assumed was a very dumb look on her face.

"I am not a puppy. Do I look like a puppy to either of you?"

"Merlin!"

Merlin glared in the direction Arthurs shout had come from.

"And he thinks that yelling at me is going to make me come faster? Really? It is like the man doesn't even know me. I never do as I am told."

"MERLIN!"

"Fine, fine I am coming. There is no need for yelling."

Gwaine started a full belly laugh as Merlin muttered to herself while almost falling over her feet in her haste to kiss Mordred before she ran after the King, Mordred in turn just smiled at her. Merlin ran around the corner of the training field and collided with another body; she fell back and landed on her ass. As she sat there trying to rub her sore behind she heard a chuckle from above her, she looked up as a hand reached down to her. Leon pulled her to her feet while still laughing softly at her.

"One would think that with all the power you have, that you would be able to stay on your feet little sister."

"Power and balance have nothing to do with each other. It is sad but it is true."

"MERLIN!"

Leon started laughing harder at the face she pulled over being bellowed at again.

"STOP BELLOWING AT ME YOU BIG OAF! I am sorry Leon but as you can hear our mighty King cannot do without me."

Leon waved at her when she ran off once more. She caught up with the King just before he reached the castle, because the courtyard had been filled with people so she had had to zigzag in between them.

Merlin followed Arthur to his and Gwen´s chambers where he sat down at the table and indicated that she should do the same. Merlin looked everywhere else but at the King, who sat in front of her rubbing the bridge of his nose, Arthur cleared his throat and Merlin could not avoid looking at him. The King was looking at her with concerned eyes that Merlin had come to hate very fast, they meant that he was making things that had nothing to do with him his business.

"What happened, Merlin? You are not normally one to lose your temper."

"I don't know. One minute I was fine, the next Stacy had just made me so mad I wanted to rip out her throat. It was nothing really, just something I have heard before but usually I just brush it off, I don't know why it made such an impact today."

"What did she say Merlin?"

"She just said some bull about me using magic on Mordred because it would be the only way he would ever be with me."

Merlin felt stupid just saying it aloud, as she was well aware that there was no reason to lose her head over something as silly as a maid who was jealous of her relationship with Mordred. Apparently, she was not the only one as Arthur burst out laughing at her.

"You got so mad over that? Do you even have any idea how many of the maids have tried to tell Gwen that very same thing, since they learned of your magic? But really Merlin, you cannot let your anger get the best of you like that, it will cause unnecessarily panic and the people are just starting to accept the magical community. We cannot afford it."

Merlin glared at him. Did he not think that she knew that it was a bad idea to lose her head? He had been extremely mad when he had found out she was the source of the destroyed buildings in the lower city, just because he had understood why she had lost control that time did not mean that he condoned it. She had had to muck out the whole stable without magic as a way to learn a lesson, Merlin would have preferred to be thrown in the stocks but had a suspicion that Arthur knew that, which was probably the reason he did not do it. Arthur knew she hated to muck out the stables, so in the end Merlin knew it was the perfect punishment but she still hated it. Merlin did not answer the King as she saw no point in saying what he already knew.

"One more thing Merlin before you can get back to your chores. Gwaine said that it was normal, Mordred chocking you I mean. Is that true and if it is, why are you with him if he abuses you? And do not lie to me."

Merlin groaned and hid her face behind her hands when she felt her face heat up in embarrassment. It was one thing that Gwaine knew they had some slightly weird tendencies; she did not need her best friend knowing considering how protective he was of her. Nevertheless, as there was no way that she could not give him some kind of answer; she had to at least give him some of the truth.

"Ehm Arthur, are you sure you want to know that? Fine, fine stop glaring at me you clotpole. Gwaine told you some time ago that he had walked in on us more than once, so how about you just take his word for it?"

Arthur looked at her with a shocked look on his face and if Merlin had not been so embarrassed, she would have laughed at him, as it was she just felt her ears burning.

"So not only are you saying that it is normal but that you like it? Merlin something is very wrong with you."

"Oi! I am willing to bet that if I were to ask Gwen she could tell me some weird stuff you like."

At that, Merlin did start laughing at the King because he had a terrified look on his face, which told Merlin that she was in no way the only one in the room who had some desires that were beyond the norm. She jumped up from the chair while she had a smile of triumph on her face.

"I´ll just go now, I have some chores to do for an unreasonably demanding King, and I have a Queen to talk to."

"MERLIN! You will do no such thing. MERLIN!"

Merlin had only just ducked out of the door when she heard something hard make impact with it, out of curiosity she stuck her head back inside to see what he had thrown at her this time. Right beside the door there laid a shattered vase on the floor; Merlin raised her eyebrows at Arthur who sat glaring at her at the table with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Really? A vase? That would really have hurt if you had managed to hit me with it, what will Gwen say when I tell her you shattered it?"

Merlin had the door closed again in record time as Arthur had picked up a goblet to throw at her; Merlin heard the impact of it on the door as she ran down the hall. She did not intend to ask Gwen about what turned Arthur on, as there were some things she just did not want to know about one of her self-proclaimed brothers, but it sure was fun to tease him about it.

As she slowed down to a walk her thoughts drifted back to the training field, not to Stacy and her friends but to Mordred, Mordred who had had her pressed up against a tree so she could feel his hard-on. Just thinking about it made a tingle run down the length of her spine, she was sure that had Gwaine not said anything when he had she would have ended up a hell of a lot more embarrassed than she did.

She could picture how it would have gone if they had been in their room, or the way she hoped it would have gone, as there was no saying with Mordred being in the mental state he was. In her mind she would have ended up on her knees in front of him, just the very notion of it could almost make her feel him throbbing in her mouth, his hands in her hair.

Merlin was so caught up in her own thoughts that she never noticed the hand grabbing her arm and pulling her into a broom closet, so she let out a loud shriek in surprise but was silenced by a hungry mouth devouring hers as she was pressed against a wall. She was however calmed down when she smelt the forest and her magic started to scream in pleasure at the contact. Merlin let out a low moan as her hands found their way into his hair, she received a frustrated groan in return as Mordred pressed his arousal up against her.

Merlin felt Mordred´s hands starting to pull her skirts up and at that moment Merlin did not care that they were in some closet,all she could think about was feeling him in her. Merlin let go of his hair and pushed him away from her long enough to free his erection, one of her legs was pulled up to his hip by one of his hands while his other hand covered her mouth. Merlin pulled Mordred in closer as she grabbed his dick as to guide it to her already soaking center, when she felt the blunt head at her entrance she let go of him at the same time as he pushed hard into her.

Merlin screamed in delight into his hand while she tried to hold onto his shoulders, which proved hard as he was driving into her at a fierce pace that she could barely keep up with due to their position. Mordred kept whispering nonsense into her ear that she had no way of deciphering, as the only thing she could hear was the blood rushing though her head and skin slapping against skin. Even if she knew that Mordred was not all the way back to himself yet it felt like he was on the mend now, and hopefully Kilgharrah could help him further along.

Merlin was starting to have trouble breathing as Mordred´s hand had moved up a bit so Merlin´s nostrils were covered by his hand, but before Merlin could make him aware of it his hand moved away from her mouth and into her hair to pull her head back. Merlin´s head followed on its own accord so her neck was bared, she felt him starting to nibble at it as his thrusts became more frantic signaling his coming orgasm.

Merlin´s own orgasm came as a shock for her because she was in no way near ready for it, it was like it snuck up on her while she was occupied by Mordred's groan in her ear, and his voice in her head telling her that he loved her. There were still stars behind Merlin´s eyelids as Mordred stilled inside of her, her head was leaned against the wall behind her as Mordred kept kissing her throat, and she had a little smile on her face as Mordred pulled back to look at her.

Merlin felt him lower her leg to the ground once more and it was only then that she realized how much her other leg was shaking with exhaustion. Merlin felt Mordred´s fingers caress her chin so she opened her eyes to look at him, or in that case, try to look at him as the closetwas shrouded in darkness. Her eyes started to glow a soft orange as she conjured her small globe of blue light, Mordred was looking at her with a soft smile before he kissed her as he pulled out of her.

Even if he was no longer hard, Merlin groaned in disappointment over the empty feeling he left behind, Mordred only chuckled at her reaction but Merlin knew he felt the same as she did at that moment.

"I missed you Merlin, I might not remember all from that time but I do remember the feeling that something was missing, and that something was you."

Merlin had no idea what she was supposed to say to that, if she said she had missed him too, it would be like cheapening what he went through. She herself had no other recollection than darkness so the way she saw it she had been the lucky one. Therefore, instead of saying anything, she just smiled at him and kissed him before she started to put her dress right, in the meantime she could see Mordred pull his trousers up once more.

"Am I going to see you before you are going to see Kilgharrah?"

"Probably not, as I would like to be back before the sun comes up, so I will leave when it sets. But rest assured that I will hold you when I get back or would you like to sleep in your old room tonight? I know that Gaius has requested that you help him in the morning."

Merlin had completely forgotten that she had promised to help Gaius as he was going to one of the druid camps to see a man that their healers could not heal. The only reason that she was coming with him was because she was Emrys, and it would do them good to see that she was not indifferent to them.

"I'll be in our room of course. Nevertheless, I really have to go now, as I have to get Arthur's laundry before I have to do all the chores he has set for me in the afternoon."

Mordred snuck out after looking to see if there was anyone out in the hall whereas Merlin waited for a little while before leaving herself. While she waited, she tried to figure out how it had happened that she was the one with chores to do, but somehow she was the one stuck in a closet. Merlin had only just closed the door behind her, when she heard a giggle a little away from her, but not so long away that they had not seen her.

"Well Merlin I don't even have to ask what you were doing in there. I saw Mordred coming from this way looking like he had just, ehm, well like is was late at night, I mean not that I know what he looks like after…"

Merlin could not contain her laughter as Gwen tried to find the words she was looking for. Merlin turned to Gwen and noticed the other woman was blushing, which in turn made her realize that now there was one more that had caught her and Mordred, but at least she had not walked in on them in the act.

"But ehm Merlin... You might want to do something about your hair and fix your neckerchief. Your hair is a mess and you have bite marks up and down your neck."

Merlin felt the heat raise to her face as her hands flew to her hair and groaned as she felt what felt like a birds nest instead of hair. She tried to fix it but she had no idea how to go about it, as she had no mirror but Gwen seemed to know that she had trouble with it, so she helped her make a fast braid and tied it off with a leather string. The neckerchief was however not a problem, as it was just a question of wrapping it around her neck one more time.

The afternoon went slow for Merlin, as she was nervous about Mordred's impending meeting with Kilgharrah. Arthur kept looking at her like he was trying to figure something out, and Merlin found it quite creepy, until she saw him look at Gwen the same way, only then did she find out that he thought she really had asked Gwen about what turned him on. Then she had laughed a full on belly laugh at him which caused her to get a pillow to the face, but she was in too high of spirits over him freaking out to mind.

However, of course she could not let him get away with it, so when she helped him with his evening bath she kept changing the temperature of the water, but Arthur did not seem to appreciate her humor so he ended up bellowing at her to get out. Merlin had laughed all the way back to Mordred's and hers chambers. She was almost there when she felt Mordred entered her mind.

"_The sun is down so I will go see what your kind wants with me. I hope that it will not take too long as I long to hold you in my arms my love. Sleep well."_

Merlin felt ghost lips brush her cheek and almost yelped when she felt an unexpected hand caress her ass, she spun around to see who she was going to yell at for it, but she then felt as much as heard Mordred chuckle at her so she decided to try something she had never done before. She imagined her tongue twirling around the head of his dick before sucking it into her mouth.

Merlin reached their room while she kept her mental torture of her lover up; when she had the door closed, she leaned against it and could almost feel Mordred against her. It was slightly weird to be able to feel him when there was nothing there, but even if she could not touch him or him her she felt him none the less.

She could feel how he breathed into her ear as he whispered to her, where his hands would have been on her hips had he been there. She even imagined she could feel his hardness against her.

"_You, my love, are starting a game you will not win. You do chores all day whereas I have guard duties, something that can be very boring and the mind can easily wander. See you later my sweet."_

With that, he pulled out of her mind leaving Merlin frustrated as she took off her clothes, she did not bother with a nightgown, as there was no reason when she was sleeping there. Before the whole Morgana thing, she would have lost it at some point during the night anyway.

It was almost sunrise before she fell asleep as she kept feeling Mordred´s emotions change throughout the night, on the front she had felt nothing but calm from him but underneath there had been desperation, sadness, guilt and so on. Merlin did not fall asleep before it stayed content; she hoped that it meant that Kilgharrah had been able to help her love.

She barely registered that Mordred came to bed, gathered her in his arms and kissed the top of her head before she fell asleep once more.


	22. AN

_**Hey everyone. I am sorry to say that this is not an update and even more to say that I have no idea when the next one of those is going to happen, as I have run into a bit of a dead end on this story. I don't know if it is a lack of idea from my side, or if it is because I never intended for this story to be as long as it is. Either way, I will be abandoning it for a while, but will turn back to look at it from time to time to see if there pops anything up in my head. In the meanwhile, I'll write maybe a few one shots and maybe some short stories. Not all Merlin but maybe some of them will be.**_

_**The decision of doing this has not been a fun one, but in the end, my beta, the ever so lovely Mica and I agreed that it might be for the best as I have ranted to her more than once about my missing motivation and such. **_


	23. Chapter 23

_**I am soooooo sorry for the extremely long wait I have made you wonderful people do… I could give you a ton of reasons for it to have been this long, but sadly most of them would be lies – I guess the motivation rather disappeared for a while. Some of it has come back but not all of it; however, I have a feeling that it will not be too long until I am typing my fingers off yet again. My boyfriend seems to think that it´s about that time where we have to watch the show once more. :P**_

_**Which might be an idea as this is the third draft of this chapter, never had to do that before. **_

_**Also this chapter is rather short – on relatively purpose – as a way to ease into it once more.**_

_**Again: I am so, so sorry…**_

Chapter 22

"Merlin, I mean it. No magic unless it´s absolutely necessary, this is a hunting and patrol trip. If we run into trouble, I don´t want to be 'The-King-Who-Hides-Behind-His-Witch-And-Sorcerer. ' So that means no magic for you either Mordred. No eye-glowing you two. Do I make myself clear?" Arthur paced back and forth in front of Merlin and Mordred, who both stood with their hands folded in front of them. While Mordred looked like the obedient knight – that Arthur knew he only sometimes was – Merlin glared at him in a way that left no doubt in his mind about what she thought about his plan.

But that didn´t really matter in Arthur´s mind. He needed to get out of the castle for a while; some of the nobles from the borders had come to Camelot to `talk´ to him about the fact that he had legalized magic. It's more like they demanded that he reverse it immediately, and that was just not something he was going to do. They were nothing but greedy old men who were sore because the villagers went to the druids with their illnesses, instead of going to the physician at the border castles where they had to pay more than they could afford – and not always get cured. While the druids could not cure all illnesses, they had a higher possibility of curing the villagers as they could just use magic with their herbs.

They had been there for a week and no matter what Arthur said, they would not listen to him, so he had decided that he needed a break. He figured that Merlin and Mordred could use one too, as the newcomers kept throwing distrusting glares at them. He had even heard some absurd rumors about how they had even been attacked, but as neither had come forth with a complaint, there was really nothing that he could do about it.

At first, he had not liked the thought of leaving Gwen to deal with the nobles, but as she had pointed out late the night before last, she was a woman. Moreover, no matter how highly Arthur and the rest of the court held her and her opinions, in most eyes she was nothing. To the nobles who had only ever heard about her she was likely less, as she had been a servant for most of her life. They were not likely to take matters up with her, and as such, they could have their time in the city to see just how marvelous magic truly was. Gwen would somehow find a way to make them see reason, of that he had no doubt.

She was a great woman, his Gwen, his love, his Queen. She was compassionate to a fault, which was one of the things he loved about her. Her good heart, he had once thought Merlin shared with her. However, recent events showed that while Merlin did indeed have a good heart, she could be ruthless when the situation called for it. It saddened Arthur to know that it had called for it more than once; her once bright eyes had dimmed over the years with the things she had had to do, for him and for his kingdom. It pained him to say – just a little – that ever since she had found a love in Mordred, her eyes was slowly starting to take their old shine back.

While he was happy for her, he still thought it was a bit weird. It was not unusual to see couples, where the male was years older than the female, it wasn´t really seen the other way around though. And just the fact that they had helped Mordred escape when he was nothing but a child didn´t sit quite well with him either. She had been old enough to leave home and see the world, get married and have kids when they had met him. He knew that it was silly of him to think like that but he really just couldn´t help it. Sure they loved each other, but it still made him uncomfortable to see Merlin look at Mordred the way that Gwen looked at him. Nevertheless, Merlin was happy and he would just have to live with – and learn – that he was not the most important person in Merlin´s life anymore, she was going to marry Mordred no matter what he said so why start an argument?

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go get the horses ready and pack some food. We leave at midday." Arthur said when he noticed that Merlin and Mordred were still in the room with him. Arthur turned and looked out the window while he listened to Mordred and Merlin leave the room. He just knew that he was going to hear a piece of Merlin´s mind when they had left the city, it was not like he meant to be short with them, he just had a lot on his mind.

_Pov change_

"I have never met such an irritating man! I mean he just treated us like… like some sort of" "Subjects? Merlin, we are his subjects." Mordred cut in on Merlin´s rant. She had kept it up since they left the King and Queen´s rooms and Mordred found it somewhat hard to continue listening. It was basically the same things she kept saying over and over with minor alterations, and he had still not gotten his normal sleeping pattern back yet.

"… Yes… but… well, we are his friends too, so he could just ask us nicely." she held a pause in her ranting and Mordred just looked at her, he knew that she would get over her irritation at the King in a moment, so he was just waiting for her to catch up. He smiled at her when she took a deep breath before making a face and leaning up against a wall with her arms crossed.

"Yes, yes I know. He has a lot on his mind and it has a habit of making him an even bigger prat than he normally is. It´s just that he finally knows about me and accepts me, but on the first real trip we take as such, he tells me not to use my magic."

Mordred could feel the sadness rolling over his love in waves but knew there was naught he could do about it, but at the very least he could lift her spirits just a tiny bit – hopefully. He walked over to her and placed his hands on each side of her face, he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, he smiled a wicked smile at her, which he knew she liked. "Emrys, just because he tells you not to use it, you and I both know that you are going to disregard that order if you want to. Even Arthur knows that. But this way he just told you that you´ll have to be discreet when you use it."

The smirk only grew when Merlin glared up at him from under her lashes before she sighed, Merlin´s glare softened and she rested her forehead on his shoulder. "You are right but that does not change the fact that I find it highly irritating." Mordred just smiled over her head before pulling out of the embrace, "Think of it this way my love, tonight we are going to be out in the forest, so what can be wrong with that? If you don´t fall down more hills." He said as he eyed the still slightly blue bump on her head she had gotten when she went with Gaius to the druids.

"That was not my intention. I still blame you though. You had me so distracted, that it can only have been your fault." Mordred felt his stomach contract at her words, he knew she was right; it had been his fault that she had been hurt. If he hadn´t been so adamant at getting her back she would not have fallen. Maybe. It was a well-known fact that Merlin could trip over air, but he still felt guilty. That was not really the way to make sure that the woman you loved didn´t get hurt.

"I am so sorry for that Merlin. I don´t even know how to tell you just how sorry I am." He placed his hands on Merlin´s cheeks before leaning in and placed a tender kiss on her lips. He pulled back and sent her on her way with a light smack to her ass, he smiled a big smile at her when she glared at him before running to get ready for their trip.

xxXXxx

Mordred was staring at Merlin as she was fighting to light the fire, he, himself had an even harder fight on his hands. Hers was the fire whereas his was not laughing at her as she cursed at the non-fire and at Arthur who didn´t even try to hide the fact that he was laughing at her.

He could not help but letting his thoughts wander as he sat looking at her. She was beautiful as she sat there; her hair had started to fall out of her braid so some of it fell down and covered parts of her face from his view. What he could see was the frown on her face, she kept glaring at the fire and muttering.

His thoughts drifted back to the night he had been summoned by Killgarrah, he was better now than he had been beforehand. While he was not good with it – he didn´t think he ever would be – he was better. The only thing the dragon had really done was let him rage and scream, just let it all out. The dragon had listened to him and afterwards just looked at him, Killgarrah had then told him that he was not alone with his feelings, that Merlin also had her fair share of guilt that she was not able to get rid of.

He had not been able to talk out all he felt with Merlin, because, frankly he was ashamed. He was ashamed that he had not been able to get away from Morgana, ashamed of the lives he had destroyed and the people he had killed as a result. Killgarrah had then proceeded to express a desire for Mordred to tell Merlin about everything he had been screaming his head off about, but how was he supposed to do that?

He knew that Merlin would tell him that he was being an idiot and that it didn´t matter to her. Nevertheless, it mattered to him. The first month he had been so consumed about thoughts of him not being worthy of her, when he should have been more concerned about how she was doing after the whole ordeal. He felt bad about it but the only thing he could do was make sure she knew he loved her, he had not been so good at that lately but that was going to change. He was going to make sure that Merlin Emrys knew just how much he loved her. Even if it was going to take the rest of his life to do it. Actually, he was counting on spending the rest of his life making sure she knew.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Merlin letting out a frustrated shriek, which turned into one of surprise in the middle of it. She fell back as she tried to get away from the man-high flames, which had erupted from the campfire. Mordred broke down into howls of laughter as Merlin sat on her ass and blinked owlishly with a confused look on her face. Arthur was laughing just as hard as Mordred was whereas Percival only let out a small laugh before walking over to Merlin and helping her onto her feet once more as he asked her if she was hurt.

Mordred´s laughter died down as she threw a dirty look his way before she stomped off into the forest. "Mordred, bring her back before the dark falls please." the King asked of him. He got up on his feet and bowed his head a little to show that he understood before walking in the same direction that Merlin had disappeared in. He was still within hearing distance of the camp when he heard Percival speaking up. "You think that they will be back before sunset?"

There was a bark of laughter from the King before he answered the knight, "Ha, I doubt that we will see them before sunrise but that´s fine. This trip is just as needed for them as it is for me. It can´t be easy on them, those uptight nobles keep glaring at them. Mordred for aiding Morgana, no matter how unwillingly we know it was, they don't believe that. They glare at Merlin because she is who she is, she is a powerful woman who is close with the King and she happens to have magic, which only makes it worse in their eyes. Even if she hadn´t had magic they would have been after her, it´s apparently not proper for a king to view a servant as a sister. Did you know that?"

Mordred shook his head at hearing the amusement in Arthur´s voice at the end, however he didn´t hear what Percival answered as he was too far away so the only thing he was able to pick up sounded just like a mumble. He just kept on walking in the direction that Merlin was in, her magic was like a thread through the forest so it was just a matter of following it to the end.

When he found Merlin she was sitting at the edge of a lake that Mordred had never been to before, she sat at the brink and threw small pebbles in the water. He walked up to her and sat down beside her, when she turned a little and rested her head against his shoulder he took her hand in his and intertwined their fingers.

"Did you fall?" He asked Merlin while chuckling a little when he looked at her. She had small twigs in her hair and some dirt on her face and hands. She started to sputter at him, which he just laughed at her for, he leaned a little to the side when she bumped his shoulder with hers. "That is not fair, I´ll have you know that the root just jumped up and attacked my feet."

"If you say so my love. I hope it was bruised for tripping you. Arthur asked me to come and get you, he wants us back before dark but is not expecting us before dawn." He kissed her forehead when she turned to mock glare at him while she groaned.

As they sat looking out over the lake, the sun slowly made it´s descent over the horizon. Suddenly Mordred had an idea and jumped up and started to pull his chainmail over his head before taking his shirt off too. "What are you doing?" Merlin asked him with amusement in her voice, he turned to look at her with a smile and was for a moment almost stunned by the way the sun hit her hair, and made it shine like it was filled with tiny diamonds.

"I am going to take a swim in the lake to get all the sweat of the day off me; you are more than welcome to join me you know." He told her while he pulled the rest of his clothes off and walked out into the water. He stopped when the water reached his navel and turned to her, she was still sitting at the shore but in the process of untying her boots.

He just stood staring at her when she stood up and started to pull her shirt over her head, his eyes trailed over her stomach, as it was revealed before she bended over to take her pants off too. Mordred´s eyes were glued to her breasts as she bent down, he could almost feel the weight of them in his hands. They hadn´t really had the time to take pleasure in each other since his `night-of-raging´. The day after she had gone out with Gaius and had gotten hurt because Mordred had been teasing her through their magic, which had made her stumble down a hill and into a tree.

When Merlin stood up straight once more, Mordred let out a low groan as the sun played over her naked body. It didn´t matter how many times he saw her naked, he always reacted in the same way. He felt his pulse speed up as she walked into the water and made her way to him. Before she was even halfway to him, he was long since passed half-mast; he could feel his blood pumping through his veins and through his cock.

His eyes followed every little moment she made and he realized that she was deliberately teasing him. She walked slowly and her hips had a little more sway to them than they usually had. He looked at her face and raised an eyebrow at the sensual smile playing at her lips; her eyes were a darker shade of brown and full of mirth.

"_Stop teasing me Merlin," _he growled at her, which only made her smile widen. When she finally reached him he in turn reached out to her and buried a hand in her hair as he pulled her into a kiss. He hissed when her naked body was exposed to his, she moaned when he placed a hand on her ass and pulled her close. He started walking them further out in the water until Merlin had to jump up and wrap her legs around him, he broke the kiss and started trailing them down her neck to her shoulder.

"I thought we were going to wash up" Merlin said to him. He pulled his head back, looked at her before smirking, and then promptly let himself fall under the water, pulling her with him. Merlin pulled out of his arms and swam away, when Mordred breached the water he looked around for her and saw her further in where she stood with the water to her shoulders while she glared at him.

Mordred just smiled as he started to swim to her, suddenly she turned to the shore and started to swim that way, and Mordred had to put more force into his strokes to reach her before she made it to shore. She was small but she could be damned fast when she wanted to be. He didn´t reach her before she had stood up and started to run, but catch her he did. He spun her around so she was facing him, trapped her in his arms, he smiled wickedly at her.

"Okay so you caught me. What do you want as a price?" Merlin asked of him, to which there really only was one answer to. "You Merlin, I just want you." He said before claiming her lips once more and walked them to shore where he placed her on the ground before letting a hand find one of her breasts and rolled her nipple between his fingers. Merlin moaned before pushing him back, some months ago he would have thought she rejected him but now he knew her well enough to know that that wasn´t the case.

"Stop that and just take me okay. I ache for you. Don´t make me wait anymore." He looked into her eyes in the dying light and was satisfied to find both there and in her magic that she was as desperate as he was. He rolled on top of her and settled between her spread legs, before he had a chance to reach down and guide himself into her, her hand closed around him. He involuntarily bucked into her hand with a loud groan of pleasure; her hand ran up and down his length a few times before he could not take it anymore.

"Stop it. I want to be in you Merlin. I want to lose myself in your tight heat." She moaned at his words while he reached down, grabbed her wrist and brought it over her head, with his other hand he took hold of his cock. He ran his own hand over it a few times before guiding it to her, he nearly just slammed home when he felt how utterly soaked she was for him. "God Merlin, you are soaking. Is it for me? Tell me Merlin." He demanded of her as she shifted her hips and tried to impale herself on him.

"Yes. It´s all for you Mordred." He let out a growl as he slit into her, just a bit before he pulled back out once more. He looked down at Merlin as she let out a whimper in protest, only for it to turn back into a moan as he pushed into her once more. Mordred´s head was spinning as he sank into her to the hilt; he let her leg fall down on his arm and kissed her exposed throat.

When they had first gotten together, he had been a little nervous that maybe he was too rough with her when it came to their sex life, but Merlin had never complained. Quite the opposite in fact, she had taken it all and then some. He loved rough sex, it was a way for him to let loose a little, to let some of that darkness out which was buried deep within him. Nevertheless, he quite liked the tender lovemaking too, hearing the quiet sighs Merlin could produce instead of her screams of pleasure.

Faster than he would have liked he felt Merlin´s inner walls starting to contract around him, he knew that as long as it had been he wouldn´t be able to last through her orgasm. And he was right, when Merlin threw her head back and her whole body tightened before she let out a small shriek, as her cunt started to milk his cock for all it was worth, Mordred cursed as he lost all rhythm in a race to his own completion.

The sun was just starting to rise over the horizon, when Mordred and Merlin made their way back through the forest towards the campsite when they heard what sounded like voices. Mordred looked at Merlin at the same time as she turned her head to him; she smiled at him before she nodded her head in the direction the voices seemed to come from.

`Oh great, so much for a nice trip without any problems´ Mordred thought as he followed Merlin, who surprisingly knew how to move without making a sound if she had to. But then again, he already knew that, however seeing and knowing were not quite the same thing.

_**I am sorry to say that that is all for now. Hopefully the next will not take quite as long… :P**_


End file.
